I was in the Docs, and I told him that I want to live for a hundred years.
He asked me if I smoke, I replied no.
He asked me if I drink, I replied no.
He asked me about girls, I replied no, none.
He then said, if you don't smoke, don't drink and also theres no girls, why the ***k do you want to live for a hundred years?


“Daddy, I’d like to help an old man. Can I have some money? A dollar maybe two?
“Well done my son! That is a very nice gesture! Here’s 5 quid. Now where is that poor man?”
“He’s down the street selling ice cream!”


A kid was crying sitting outside his house. A passer by asked:
Why are you crying?
Kid: My parents are fighting inside the house.
Passer By: Who is your dad?
Kid: That is what the fight is about.