I have gone off in other threads about the value of men's opinions and thinking vs. women's. I thought to illustrate this I would give a concrete example. One of my very brilliant friends who happens to be an ex gave me some advice. I had had a dog dumped on me. An agility dog mix. He was wrought with problems. I did everything I could for him. I trained him. I paid a fortune in medical bills. I had healed his emotional wounds a great deal. BUT he did NOT fit into my life. He terrorized my existing beloved pets and often went off half cocked. The women in my life constantly pushed me to press on. That if I just worked harder, I could save him. I had made a ton of progress with him but my life was very miserable. It had really hit a apex. The more happy and comfortable the dog got, the more he took over.

Finally in my misery, my male friend had a different perspective. He did not tell me outright what to do. He said personally, that he would not tolerate an animal who made me and the animals who had been there before it miserable. He said that he would calmly relinquish it with all the documentation of the medical care I had gotten for it, he would run it through all it's commands in front of the person doing the intake to show I had indeed trained it, and he would also report the people who had abandoned it as that was wrong of them to do to me

Time went out. I woke up in the middle of the night to my beloved Darcy screaming bloody murder because that dog had pinned her outside so because my male friend had calmly presented the alternative scenario, I was able to execute it and they were impressed and immediately called special interest groups to come get the dog.

Women in my life did not see this option. It took male thinking and a little bit of yes, manly protective testosterone for this option to appear. Women really felt I should try and try and try to save the dog. But as a man, he went into the welfare of his loved one came first mode so he presented an option.

This just AN example. I am wondering if anyone else sees this kind of different thinking in the men in their lives.....

I don't really see how this is a male vs female situation. It was your decision to do what you wanted to do/felt you need to do for the dog. If it were me, I probably would have tried to help it, yet given it to a home that could handle it better once I realized it was not a good fit for my life.

Really, I think you are a very independent thinker Singtomesweet. You are very modern and a problem solver and I very much admire that about you.

I volunteer in the animal field and therefore am surrounded by women mostly whose opinion is no animal left behind and they do go to extreme sacrifices to save everyone all the time. These are just the women around me. Not necessarily a composite of every single woman in the universe that is not what I was saying at all. Not that a woman wouldn't have been capable of the same solution ever.

BUT that as a man, my friend did got into the more male protector role in his make up more readily and automatically with less feeling and emotion and more cold fact about the situation and presented it differently. I know people can argue that. But it really is a male type thing to kind of grunt and go you are my loved one and therefore I protect you first. Yes women do that too. But women would feel more for the dog and my effort, etc. Women would tend to take all of that more into account. Whereas as a man, he went to the automatic protector part of his brain that went you, Darcy and Vinnie are mine, you come first. The dog loses.

Thank you!

I actually care about animals very much and would do what I could to help. But sometimes, there's just nothing you can do other than do your best to find it a new home with someone who would be a better fit.

As a kid who was bounced around from house to house growing up, I had the opportunity to see all kinds of different men and women from both ends of the social totem pole from bouncers and strippers to successful businessmen and women to the homeless. And there is a very clear difference between male thinking and female thinking and in all honesty, I would trust a man's opinion more *in situational problem solving* for one simple reason.

Men tend to be more straightforward thinkers when it comes to problem solving. They don't beat around they bush, they just look at a problem and say "well, it can be done by Plan A, B, or C, but Plan A looks like the best route".

Women on the other hand (no offense to anyone), nitpick. They get caught up in the consequences and the what ifs and start to mull things over and stress themselves over the situation. While not necessarily a bad thing, it tends to draw out problems and cause confusion before the problem can actually be solved.

**Please keep in mind that this is a general observation and not meant to be insulting to any single individual.

This seems more like a critical thinking discussion than a male vs. female-type discussion.

I'm a very critical thinker, and tend to align more with the men in that I'm less emotional and more adept at stepping back and seeing a problem from all angles. True, that many women tend to be more emotional. We can't help it. We are nurturers by nature. We care and have concern over an outcome. We measure success by how we feel and less by what we can show.

I think if the original poster's female advice stemmed from those of varying societal and professional backgrounds, we'd have a reason to make this a male vs. female discussion. But these women are probably even more sensitive to their nurturer roles than others might be. They may have the general motto of "help, at all cost."

Men are much too selfish for that (in only the nicest ways). Honestly, I'm sort of the same way. I'll help as much as I can, but if I am sacrificing more than I have available to sacrifice, it has to end.

So... it's not that I disagree entirely with the conclusion here, I just disagree with how it's based.

Like I said, it was a general observation. I've met a few men who thought the way I described women and vice versa. And thanks for the welcome!

Oh, we have an opinion now?

OKAY ANOTHER EXAMPLE, I have numerous exs who still very much care about my welfare. Highly evolved types BUT MANLY. BUT for the sake of this example we will use my ex husband the programmer, M.

If M. does not hear from me, he may call and say, "Oh good, I was wondering if you are okay. How is everything?"

This DOES NOT mean how is EVERYTHING as in how is my relationship with my current boyfriend? How is my mother? Did my best friend like her birthday gift? NO.

It means, "Oh good" implies, "the phone has not been shut off therefore you have been capable of paying utilities" "How is everything?" means very basic Maslov's hierarchy of needs. It means quite literally "Have you been eating? Have you been sleeping? Have you been sick? If so, do you have medicine? It's been cold. Is the heater working?"

If I needed food or medication or the filter on the heater changed, he would be her in a millisecond to bring whatever or fix whatever.

It is the guy's version of a "Thinking of you" Hallmark card.

At the same time, there is very much an invisible hierarchy as to whom may provide these services in case I cannot take care of myself in the case of illness, etc. I joke that if I am with a current boyfriend who is the manly provider type no matter how evolved, I must send out "the memo" stating that he is now 1st in line for such things so that egos and toes are not stepped on.

I know it sounds primitive but it's true. Guys very much divide the world into "theirs that they take care of" and "the rest of people" and it has nothing to do with them necessarily being "in love with you". They do it almost on auto pilot. Women do it too but it's not at such an automatic guttural level.

Sorry Teadipper, I didn't understand the point you were making.

And you're right about the whole thought division of what they take care of and the rest of the world. My guy friends and a lot of my ex's have that "taking care of" mentality even though we have no relationships besides a good friendship.

hmmmmm.....yes, I am wandering off point...I was just sick earlier this year and did very much almost die and was in the hospital for months....if it had not been for my guy friends and their guy logic and opinions about how I should be cared for and taken care of, I would have been in bad shape. Just that they were of the opinion that I was "in their camp and therefore their responsibility" it what I was driving at in my round about way.

It is very much an opinion when a man decides that you are one of HIS responsibilities and one his to make sure that you are okay at all times.

I tend to think practically, rather than by how much i love someone/something. I don't have the time to tiptoe around options, drinking tea. I'd rather just know the quickest way for a problem to be solved and see to it as quickly as possible. I don't wanna hear "Yeah, but.......". Especially if mine or someone elses health is at risk.

Sounds like you may need to reconsider some of your women friends, to be honest. They tell you what they think you want to here, rather then just laying it out. They might be trying to empathize, but its not really legit. My women friends don't do that, and I certainly don't.

Regarding the dog issue, I'd have told you to get in touch with breed rescues, or even some of the local agility groups, and let them know you'd rescued the dog off the side of wherever, helped it recover, but it couldn't stay, because it wasn't a home match. I'd rather the dog be alive and rehomed elsewhere, then everyone miserable, original dogs attacked etc. I'd also have tossed you some basic info about personality types with breeds of dogs. But that's my thing.

You have a good ex. The couple I'm in touch with drop a line every so often, but we don't keep in touch like that. Can't say as I'd want them to really. It is more of a catching up type of thing, with my exes.

I like how the only guy that posted on this thread was smoothly run over.

Some claim the pig is the smartest animal!

Look mom, no tire tracks!

metalwing

nice!

I would have took the dog outside and bashed his skull in with a shovel.

Thats what at least what one man would do, but perhaps your friend may kind of diluted his own urge to do that, maybe toned it down, to something a woman would relate to more. Something got lost in translation I think and well there you go, it ends up being 'get the dog a social worker' and 'send him to the dog shrink' - before you end up shooting the fker anyway - and make his last moments here on earth even more miserable. Making him remember when he was a pup, how his father abandoned him and his siblings at an early age...and how he never made it to be the leader of the dog-pack-family thing that dogs think about us...

Seriously, and I say from only my own experiences, if I truly care about a woman (I have a general caring for all people) and am geniunely worried about her, I will ask how she is. it's not an act. With as lazy as most guys are, do you think they would really use the effort to check up on a person that they were seeing if they did'nt care?

It's not hard to understand how a guy thinks. we're not some complex puzzle. Often over-hyped, but mostly simple.

When I feel that my concern is being taken as an annoyance too often, it's time to walk away.

but you still want to hit the dog right?