Just sitting here having a whinge..

I have 6 kiddies and now another of my babies is leaving home..

Sure wish I could just wrap them up and keep them here.

It wouldnt be so bad if i had known he was leaving, then I would have time to do somthing, well I dont know what but maybe get used to the idea of himleaving.

but nope he just went away for a couple of weeks in the school holidays and now he has been offered and apprenticeship.. so he will be an electrician after 4 years..

Well thats ok.. But still do not want to send him off, hopefully he wont have to start until after christmas..

Anyway I am really talking to myself, but love talking on mingle so am rambling while I work out how I feel about it..

You see he is not 16 until march, so they will just put him on to work until he turns 16 and then his trade starts so he will be finished it by the time he is 20, so thats good,

but its 4000ks away from his Mummy so thats not good.

But he is staying with great friends so thats good.

he will end up with a great trade so thats good.

But hes still a baby so thats bad..

If he doesnt start it now he will miss it, so thats a bummer.

So do I let him start or not.. Bummer bummer bummer

A little poem I wrote

There are times in this life were it may seem everything falls apart and all Hell breaks loose.  At that moment our demons are unleashed and they try to drag us to Hell and at the same time we try to rise above the chaos and keep our heads above the fiery Hell beneath us.  At this point we think it’ll be easier to lie down and die or give up hope.  No, no not I, I’ll stay around and let hope fly.  Even though I have seen its darkest form of deceit, when we have faith and hope in ourselves, nothing else could taste this warm or feel this sweet, because at some point the pleasure turns to the pain of the lessons learned from the mistakes with the question burned into my brain about whether faith and hope is humane.  These thoughts in my head are like the salmon trying to swim upstream, trying to fight the current of hurt and the tears of deceit begin to roll down my cheeks.  The tears kill more than they create.  We face the intertwined emotions that flow like the bloody rivers of ancient Babylon.  Separation is not as simple as the distance between us.  I have freed my mind from the demons that possessed it before.  I used to be enslaved to the lies I have been told, the seeds of these lies grew so deeply it cracked my foundation.  Allowing the faith in me to flow out like the liquor pouring out from an uncorked barrel. Ripping the image of my future apart so violently and brutally as if a child was being taken from his mother’s arms. And I’m only left surrounded in the darkness, but I won’t let myself be swallowed by it.  I can feel the loneliness in the night air.  It is sometimes so cold and uncomfortable, yet if I could do it all over again I would do it in the same body I am in and I wouldn’t change a thing because in this life it’s not so easy to survive.  So we should not live in fear but have fun, make mistakes and follow our dreams and never look back with regrets.  And remember when you dream about bad things happening it shows you’re still fighting and it shows you’re still alive it’s when you start to dream of good things that you should start to worry........ Let him go he may be a little boy but will return a man if it's wat he wants let him follow his dreams!!

I am not scared for him, or afraid of him going, i just wasnt ready for him to go yet.

I knew he would eventually go as he needs to but its still dificult to let a 15 year old go off and start his life when you where not expecting it.

he is strong dependable with a great sense of humour and makes good decisions, so i dont worry that he will go wrong, its just a mummy wanting to keep her babies closer for a while..

But at the same time wanting him to grow into a young man..

Well he is already a young man, but at least he was an at home young man.

sounds like youve done an awesome job turning him into am exceptional young man. And you know he will be safe staying with friends. As a mom of three (my youngest is 18 and the only one left home) I know how hard it is to let go,especially when you were not quite ready for it. But this sounds like an excellent oppertunity for his future. Let him go he knows where mom is only a call away when her. :)

Yeh I know it is a great job and he will be working with fantastic people and its a job that he will be set up for life with..
I have already told him he can do it, we are just waiting for the schools to release him as legally you cannot leave here until 17 or until you have completed yr 10..