look carefully at how a potential partner treats his family, particularly his mother as that is how he will treat you in the future. If your boyfriend is a family man, loves the home life and a close knit family it shows many good things about him - he is learning his values from his parents, he isn't out drinking and tearing up the town, isn;t dealing drugs cheating on you....he is in the company of the people who love him the most, and who he loves, and he will be there for you in the same way in the years to come.

try getting to konw his people, adn then after you have made some effort, talk gently with him about having more time alone together

in many families a couple does not spend a lot of time alone until they know each other for some while. this could be their tradition also

excellent summary, yes all this is very true, i just feel he is afraid of what is outside his family home.... this scares me as he will be 28 next year.

yes, I think I see. And you are perhaps a bit more independent than he, maybe even more mature than he -as often in our 20s we mature more quickly than men do. Do you have a reason to feel he is afraid? Perhaps he has been nutured well by loving parents and simply enjoys that environment....enjoys rather than fears. Facing the world from a place of security is infinitely more wise where it is possible. As luck would have it - you have a good support system. Perhaps he would enjoy to include you more.

I guess i appreciate the fact that some people are close to their family i guess im young yet older than him and don't really find hanging about the house, all that interesting, i can do that in my own home at d weekends Lol

I don't see you two meshing gears! That means the machine, in this case a metaphor for your relationship, is breaking down.

What I see is the father is actually threatened by you. So much so he is going to do what he can to impose his will on the situation. On top of that remember the saying "misery loves company?" Well, doesn't that seem to apply here?

Sometimes the right choice is the hardest one. It may not always be but what does that inner voice say to you? And I am talking about the one you seem to be trying to drown out with romantic justifications? We all have two voices inside us. One is the optimist and the other the pessimist. Optimistic people can have pessimistic moments. But deep inside something tells me you want to move on and need to be encouraged on which way to handle your situation.

I don't think it is a case of you NOT Having family values but what I see is the father of the guy you love not only has a tight leash on his son but he pulls it tighter when your around. And the thing is if he tells his father off your a beyatch and in his mind (the father's) I am willing to bet he doesn't think well of you at all. So no matter how accommodating or understanding you try to be you are damned by him both ways. NOW for some down home empowerment for you!!!

IN the real world if your BF was a man at all he would make damn sure to put his father in his place when it comes to his relationship with you and how he is behaving. NOW FOR THE DEVIL'S AVOCATION... Is your BF A) really hard working and dealing with Ireland's economic hard times right now like so many other Irish? I mean does he have a job or at least is really out there looking for a job? B) does he act guilty about your relationship around him? C) does he even seem to have any real future at all?


These three questions can tell you in most cases where your relationship is heading. Yes it is romantic to marry and settle down like mommy and daddy and the Church liked to teach us but this is the real world! Settle down? Its a struggle for some of us right now. Life is unfair and scary. But we all make or break our own destiny. Again what does your inner voice let alone instinct tell you? You seem to be riddled with doubt, self doubt, and trapped in a paradoxical situation.

I'm 1/4 Irish and one thing I know about Irish, most Irish people I know are great people and driven achievers BUT (and the worst part is I think I got this part in me a little) is that some Irish people are thick headed self centered dolts! (Peter Griffin's father from Family Guy is a not so extreme example of this supposed stereotype.) The hard core Catholic Irish can be that way and if he is you very well maybe considered by him to be living in sin and are a sinner and worst, A PROTESTANT! They either are passively vicious or openly abusive. And abuse runs in many forms. It can be quiet like manipulation or open to verbal tirades. No I don't have a lot of information about this to go on other than the details I have gleaned but I think you are wanting to move on by what you are saying. What is wrong with having your own life for right now if you are uncertain about being involved with another?

In response to this brief summary, thank u andy, i am deeply considering all of your suggestions and im grateful for the time you took to post them on here :) his name is andy too, might i add Lol

My full name is Andreas. Look up what it means in Greek! I think you might find a difference! I was just called Andy for as long as I can remember! You are on a very troubled road that unfortunately you have to walk alone even among others. Hopefully you can find the path out of the Scary Woods easily! Too bad you can't find one of the wee folk you can invite for dinner to scare the pudding out of your BF's father. From what I understand about them they either are real generous or REALLY PISSED OFF and are masters at dispensing misery. Sure as the Blarney Stone is cold and heavy though you do have a lot on your plate. Take you time and think it through before just 'going over the bridge' like one of my Trinidadian friends says.

Just cause you have to walk a scary road alone doesn't necessarily mean you ARE alone! Now when you have I and Me with you. Get it? Me, Myself, and I? Three names for the same person???

soufie, once again words of wisdom. I'm buying your book when it comes out.

It looks like maybe this relationship is not for you if you can not be as close to his family as he is.

Maybe he just wants to make sure he remains close with his family. Imagine if he had no friends? That would leave him with not many people to turn to.

Some families are very close knit. Remember that you are the interloper here and it's up to you to make his family feel like your boyfriend has made a good choice.

Never interfere with family. A test of someone's character is how he treats his family. Now if you feel he is neglecting you because of his family obligations then either he is not that into you or you are being unreasonable in my opinion.

Families can make or break a relationship. Kill them with kindness I say.

there really wasnt alot of 'detail' about whats going on except that he is closer to his family than what is comfortable to you

so the main suggestion in the thread (leave), to me, seems the logical one


not because he is immature and you arent, or because there is anything 'wrong' with anyone involved, but just because you dont appear to want the same things , meaning you are incompatible


the worst thing we do to others is demanding or expecting they change life long values or habits ,,,,

The cold hard truth is that your boy has a problem with the word "No" (when it comes to his family). And you should reciprocate by saying "No" to him when he wants pizza. Or a night out playing Chutes and Ladders with old hippies who still believe that game is all about economics. What am I saying? I don't know...but what I do know is that if you are having this issue now, and if you have talked to him about it and he still refuses to say "No" (sometimes) to his family, then you need to move along. Trust me. If he is this way, it will take a woman (basically) punching him in the nutsac and questioning his manhood to get him to stiffen...I mean wake up to realize that Turbo Power Rangers is over (meaning he isn't a kid anymore and that he needs to use his set of balls to man up). Anyways....good luck to you.

YOU ARE THE FRUKKEN MAN!!!!

Sounds like you should be happy to have a man who has such high regards for family and loved ones.

Smack him in the head tell him you see how much he loves his family and tell him you are ready to build and be apart of it with him. Or if you are not that serious about him and where your future with him is going then maybe it's time to rethink the relationship you are in with him.

And another option is for you to look at yourself and ask am i just being jealous that his attention is not always on me? Easy question to ask hard for some to answer.

And i agree with other users Address the issue or cut it loose.

Either way i wish you find happiness and peace in your heart.

not everyone is 'built' the same

people are comfortable in different environments

some are more 'one on one' and some are 'comfort in numbers' types


neither is better or worse, just different and if two people are from those different 'comfort zones' , they will probably not be very compatible

To be honest to every one im just gonna show him all the responses from on ere and tell him that im hanging in der with him :)

clever choice,,,