This guy walks up to his friend with a black eye. His friend sais, "what happened to you?" The guy sais, "I went to church Sunday, and the minister told us to stand up. The entire congegration stood up as one. I noticed the lady in front of me and her dress was stuck in the crack of her *** so I took it out and she punched me in the eye." "Oh man," said his buddy, "that sucks."

So a couple weeks go by and they meet up again...this time the guys entire face is messed up. His friend sais, "what the hell happened to you this time?" He sais, "I went to church with a friend and when the minister said to stand up, the same lady was standing in front of us and my friend tried to take her dress out of her ***. I remembered she liked it there so I put it back in."


Lost in translation slightly but kinda funny no?

Big Butt!!


A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. ..............

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?