What does this mean to you?

another thread was recently posted about 'unconditional love'
does this 'love' require us to keep people in our lives or 'stand by them' regardless of the affect it has on ourselves?

Does unconditional love require one to 'stand by' another no matter what? or does it only require they 'love' another no matter what?

I think its the latter, I dont believe in loving others MORE than self, only AS MUCH as self, so if the conditions I am in with someone I love are causing me harm(emotional, physical , or spiritual), I have to cut them loose as it pertains to their physical inclusion in my everyday life,,,but that will not mean I have stopped 'loving' them


what do you think?

if there was a guy that you had met
who gave you nothing but a run around
and you felt that he was playing games which could be so true
and had told you from the beganing how he felt towards you
and still says it.. but feeling deep inside in your true emotionas hes not
where he tends to be a workaholic and hides all his pain in his work not towards his family or so call relationship where it should be more thought of

I think you make a good trap for yourself... haha.
If you choose to love based on aspects of a person's nature and
then discover other aspects less appealing... further-down-the-road, well, hey... that's just life.
If those other aspects cause you to move on, that's all it is.
Whether or not your love was real should never be in question.
jmo.

I think that is very important. Mom's religious upbringing help me to realize I should love everyone but I don't have to like them. Dad's atheist upbringing helped me to realize the importance of principles. Even after my dad's and mom's divorce dad said that he would never try to turn me against my mother. Mom always thought that dad had very strong principles. Neither one would say anything bad about the other. They both held strong convictions and were very adamant about the way they viewed things. Mom told me later after dad died that she just couldn't handle his drinking and when she remarried that she just couldn't his drinking either but really griped her was when he had their next door neighbor as a girlfriend. She had the support of the next door's husband on that one. The husband didn't think since they were both were married that they should be fooling around with each other either. Mom thought that if you love someone you should stick by them to the extent that they stick by you. Dad on other hand thought that if you love something that you should set it free and if it doesn't come back that you take your gun out and shoot it. No wonder I am such an extremist. So I can understand your point of not loving someone more than self. I still love my ex. There is just no way I would ever go back to her. Our viewpoints are just too radically different.

EXACTLY, besides my family/kids, the person I love most in this world is probably my first ex.

I left him while I still loved him, if that makes sense, because I didnt want to be harmed so long that love turned to HATE on any level
and it didnt, I have never felt a HATRED towards him, dissapointment maybe, but I skipped that poison by leaving when I did which allows me to still love him AS MUCH as I do,,without needing or requiring that we share a life in any manner,,,


I still love/care for my second ex, but its a much more basic type of love because I waited too long to make the decision to leave, and allowed plenty of hatred to develop,,,,

I owe a lot to the way I am because of my ex. She had a good trigger on all of my faults. She knew me better than I knew me. To this day no one could get me enraged quicker than her. Thanks to her rehab did me a world of good. I wanted to go back to rehab when we remarried later. As long as we can maintain our distance from each other I can enjoy the benefits of sanity and serenity. Matter and antimatter shouldn't ever be mixed. Its just not safe because it is so explosive. Thanks to my ex I know that if something really brings me that close to rage that I should take a look at it and ask myself why does what they say bother me so much unless of course there is some truth to it that I am just not aware. I am terrified to be around her. I keep my safe distance.

when the hatred that has developed softens and is gone,
completely gone...then you have unconditional love.

Forgiveness is a main ingredient in unconditional love.

Have you ever been betrayed by a dear friend and wished them
only the best (and meant it) as you removed them from your life?

Have you ever been a victim of a crime and were able to forgive,
truly forgive them because you felt their pain mix with your own?

Have you ever walked away from one you loved because you knew
it was unfair to them, their happiness was more important than
your own?


Unconditional love/stand by me has nothing to do with allowing others to abuse us in anyway.

If a person is lacking in the compassion area, they may never
be able to experience unconditional love.

I agree

You guys are hitting on all 8 cylinders. What a joy to read through these posts.

great posting!

oh...the stand by me part doh

Not sure on that term..
I mean, I'll stand by my sons, die for em even.
Stand by and be available to help a friend.

To me that term means more like..I have your back.
To me that's more a loyalty to some one, doesn't
necessarily have anything to do with 'love'.

When one thinks about it, love and hope are closely linked.

You can see the good and potential in someone, to see that part of their soul that is who they are meant to be, who they should be, if only they would stop sabotaging themselves. You can fall in love with that part of a person, but you cannot trust them until they stop ruining themselves.

This is where hope comes in. You hope they will open their eyes, be true to themselves, see what they can do to fulfill their potential. You hope that they will love you as you love them. You hope they will not hurt or betray you. But the longer you keep waiting on hope, the less true you remain to yourself. Eventually, you must let go simply to preserve yourself. Does this lessen the hope or love you have felt?

As has already been mentioned in this thread, love and hope can only be lessened by waiting until you begin sabotaging yourself, when love sours into hate and hope withers into despair, because you allowed their pain to begin consuming your own sense of self. Is it any wonder that we often blame ourselves when this happens? Is it any wonder that hate, pain, and despair makes us turn upon our self? By waiting too long, we come to have regret, to question our own judgment. Is that ultimately worth it?

This is also why once the pain, the hate recedes, we can still feel love for the person that hurt us. We can accept the blame for our own mistake while still feeling hope for the other. We cannot change them. They have to do it themselves. But we can take control of our self. We can still love our self. Once we realize this, we understand that we can love another even after we have walked away.

It can be the hardest thing we ever do, but like everything else, it takes practice. In time, it can become easier. We just need to allow it to happen rather than resist it.

Very interesting post. From where I stand unconditional measns just that. (within reason) based on mutual feelings from the other.