i broke up with my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago because for the last 6 months his work was keeping him away from home all the time and he was always going out with friends and not turning up home til the next day and he stopped giving me money to pay bills and rent and there was the issue of him taking drugs without me knowing...i kinda starting liking this guy i work with about a month before i broke up with him but nothing ever happened between us....

about a week after i broke up with my boyfriend i started seeing this guy from work and we are having a good time spending time together but i feel really bad for lying to my ex about it. my ex still comes to my place because he hasn't moved out as yet becuase of work (he's an interstate truck driver)and i feel bad that he has no where to really go and we have had alot of fights over the last few weeks, he thinks i am seeing this other guy and that's why i broke up with him but it's not...

now my ex is saying he realises everything he's done wrong and still rekons theres a chance for us to fix things and i guess thats why i feel bad that i havent been honest with him about me being with someone else....

sometimes i think maybe i have been selfish for not giving him another chance because he says he didn't realise just how upset and angry i was about the things he was doing to me..i kinda think that i gave him plenty of chances to change before because i had alot of talks and fights with him to make him realise but he seemed to never care....

now im feeling guilty for lying to my exand i feel bad for this other guy because i put him in the middle of my break up when i should have given myself some time to deal with it all on my own and sometimes i do think maybe i should be giving my ex another chance to prove himself because he does really seem sincere but i feel like it's all too late and not a good idea because then i'd be going back into a relationship with lies on my behalf about being with another guy and when im with this other guy he sooooo good to me and makes me feel really good about myself and he does make me happy hes so caring...i just feel like such a horrible and bad person

Ok I dont know your ex or you,

but drugs are bad news, not coming home is not showing you any respect at all, and not helping with bills is not good either.

Yep he may be sorry as he has lost you, but do you really want it to happen again, as normally it does..

You always have to make your own decisions, but find someone who shows you they love you, and who can respect you.

You both need your own space and time, but honesty and truth should always be there.

I'd just concentrate on one thing, OP, if I were you: the substance abuse.

Substance abuse leads one into living a wicked life. And I don't mean "wicked" in the moral majory, or pious or righteous sense.

The problem with people who abuse drugs is manyfold, and the user can shake the habit, but usually only one out of thousands. I have known people like that, and they were only able to do so coz of a solid emotional support by others. Unrelenting, solid, heavy, take-it-all-and-give-it-all support.

And that support is only 2% of the formula for success to shake the habit.

For each person who had this support, and could shake the habit there are fifty who had this support and yet could not shake the habit. And a thousand other who tried to shake the habit but could not, and tens of thosuands who never tried to shake the habit in the first place.

You must put yourself in your x-s shoes to understand where he is coming from when he pleads with you. He is sincere, all right, in his sorrow, but I don't think that's going to change his future behaviour from what you've seen in the past. He is sorry, very, very, sorry, for himslef, so it is easy to tell or write to you how sorry he is. But it's not a kind of sorrow that leads him to the path of repentence. His sorrow won't redeem him. (Sorry for all this religious-soundign mumbo-jumbo. I am an atheist.) He can't undo the past, and unfortunately that's the only way to change the future.

I think people like you should send your story to people who advocate drug use. All of you. To all of them. Not to users, but to those who say drugs should be legalized.

Andrew T. S.

Drugs destroy people families and lives.

why not just see them both. if you are not in a committed relationship with either one of them, why not let things play out. if the trucker is sincere than he should take the steps needed to make a lasting relationship with you. or the co worker will take the responsibility to care for you like you want. don't feel guilty for wanting to be happy. just be honest with them both and one of them will step up to the plate while the other steps aside

sounds like your ex blew it and now that someone else is in the picture, he is jealous that he is no longer number one and that you are moving on. Frankly if he has been dabbling in drugs let him go, he will only continue to bring you headache in your future. Also he was already gone mentally when you moved on, so dont feel too bad. It was obvious he was avoiding you so what if you moved on. He made his bed, now he can lay in it....without you.

Imo, you need to...

Tell your ex that its not appropriate to be living together when you believe you have no future together.

Tell the guy from work that you are still emotional after your break up, and would like some time on your own to get through them before you can start anything new.

u have nothing to feel bad about

your ex is not going to change - at least not for long - unless circumstances change, like u stop babying him

as soon as u take him back there is a good chance he will start up his old routine AND it sounds like he owes u a good bit of money

u did nothing wrong by starting to see someone else (under the circumstances) and your exes behavior does not entitle him to an explanation - u do not owe him any explanations for anything and need to get him out of your life ASAP or the drama factor will turn off other, better suited men

For him to move out (not ur problem where - he is a big boy) is the best choice

if after some time he is out on his own and has shown some financial responsibility and overall responsiblity and hasn't been a pain in ur arse
AND u are still available

would be the better scenario to consider a second chance for him

jmho

simone is one of the smart chicks

agreed cuz if she pursues the other - potentially better - relationship now it's likely to be bumpy at this point

if she waits till her life is back on track she'll make a better impression

Awwww, merci mon ami!

^this...leopards don't change their spots! Until you cut off contact with him, he will continue to guilt trip your emeotions! Guilt does NOT = love and you have nothing to be guilty about.

Guilt is such a mutha. Especially if you are someone who actually does have compassion. And, since you obviously have this trait, take solace in knowing it is something good to have.

However........

Your ex obviously knows you have this trait. And that is why he is saying "I'm sorry. I didn't really know what I was doing wrong. I can change. I want to change" to you. In his mind, he feels he can win you back because he is saying these things. He probably looks very convincing when he says them to you. The hard part is to figure out if he truly means it. And if he does, then that is great for him. He learned a lesson.

Still, judging from what you wrote, I would say that you stayed with him much longer than you should have. Don't beat yourself up. All of us have been guilty of staying in a doomed relationship at one point in our lives. Just realize that you two probably just can not work together as a couple.

Also, you need to recognize that he is jealous. He is upset that another man has you and he doesn't. And, more than likely, he only wants you back so he can feel like he defeated the other guy for your affection. A lot of guys are just that way. They just want to beat the other guy.

Bottom line. You need to quit feeling bad for the ex. He is a grown boy. And he needs to be one. You can't do him any good right now. Nor can he do you any good. Move along. Goof out.

I think the only reason you feel this way is because your ex is still living with you.

Is he paying rent at the moment? Paying for food? Utilities?

If not, then nothing has changed, has it?

Where he lives is not your problem. He should have considered that before blowing you off, blowing his money, and using drugs. Your pity for him is a weakness he continues to exploit.

If the other guy is good for you, then stick with him. Tell your ex he needs to move out. He blew it. If he had been around at least semi-regularly, maybe you wouldn't have replaced him. He showed he could live without you - he wasn't missing you then. Why should he now?

Kick him out. Move on.