I've been struggling for quite a while trying to find a balance between the Buddhist concept of "letting go" of the 5 skandhas (form, sensation, perception, volition, and consciousness) that attach us to the physical world, and the concept of dating entirely seeing as how it is predominantly concerned with deriving pleasure from the physical world. For me, it is by far the strongest desire to overcome, most likely because I don't WANT to overcome it.

But then I re-read a passage about non-doing or non-action. In other words, doing something without being concerned about the fruits or results of that particular action. Basically it means you should do a good deed because it needs to be done, not because you seek to gain some reward or merit from doing the action.

And then it occurred to me, "How often do people do things in a relationship with the intent of eliciting a certain response from their partner?" Or more importantly, "How often do people experience frustration or disappointment or sometimes even pain when the actual response from their partner differs from the one they were anticipating?"

I think this can pretty much sum up how every relationship I've had in the past has ended. My girlfriends were expecting a particular response from me and no matter what they did, I could not, or would not react the way they wanted me to.

I like many concepts of Buddhism, but "letting go" has never felt right. It has always come across as an excuse to just not care, in any way shape or form, and a subtle feel of the Earth is crap, so who cares. And the funny thing is, many Buddhists care deeply.

I DO understand it on its simplest form, but I also know that some "things" that I acquire are done so because they have a depth of meaning that someone else won't get. It's why thievery pisses me off so much.

As far as dating, I've been called frigid and distant. And perhaps that's what the mask puts out, but I certainly hurt when it ends. I just have the ability to shunt it to the side, work it out of my system in other ways.

I think the biggest problem is that it dating and married life truly comes across as a giant game of manipulation, getting the person to do what you want. Even your non-responses could be taken as a form of manipulation.

Lol, yeah! As a way of trying to get them to stop telling me what to do.

I think of "letting go" as unconditional love. I find this much easier to do with my sons that anybody else. Your feelings remain on what you love about that person and you "let go" of all the negative feelings. As a result of focusing on the positive more positive flows along. by applying this concept I have been able to build a great relationship with my sons. hope this makes sense.

See, and they're trying to get something out of you. Like I said, one giant manipulation. LOL!

If you pay attention to life in general, it's inherently that way. Animals manipulate each other to get what they want.