MY mom's special recipe for spam for kids:

Beat five eggyolks into a can of spam. Add sugar to taste, at least two cups. Sprinkle salt over it, liberally. Make patties, coat it in a crushed-peanut-duckfat-cholesterol cream, and deep fry it in an arsenic-based hydrogenated oil. Before serving, sprinkle with crushed razor blades.

Store the leftovers in plastic containars, which can be conveniently stuck in the microwave for re-heating later.

I am telling you. My eyes swell with tears of sweet memories of Mom's cooking.

Mm-mm.