*Because I'm a man*, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I WILL win.
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* Because I'm a man*, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of conformity.
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* Because I'm a man*, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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* Because I'm a man*, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I know, these are the same thing.
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* Because I'm a man*, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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* Because I'm a man*, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
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* Because I'm a man*, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sports or work problems. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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* Because I'm a man*, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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* Because I'm a man*, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't ...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name of the movie and recommend it to others.
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* Because I'm a man*, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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* Because I'm a man*, and this is, after all, the year 2011, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden with a rum and coke wondering what to do.


*This has been a public service message for women to*
*better understand men*

lol Now I have a clear understanding of what men want, need, think and what they're all about.

Thank you GravelRidgeBoy

that about says it all...lol

funny....was that all your own material or was that a collaboration from different sources....more women need to know these important facts then maybe it will stop so many of us going insane trying to understand you guys and why you do the things you do.
keep up the good work....making people laugh is a good gift to have!!

LOL... A friend of mine sent me that in an email and I thought it was too good not to share...

hahaha! I found this old post. so funny I brought this back from the dead

Thanks TL,
Reminded me of my time in Qatar. I was allotted a container out at a construction site and I noticed that the AC had gone off. Stepped outside and found that someone had switched off the generator & taken the key. It was the lunch hour, everybody had left. It was also the Ramadan period. (Muslims fasting days)

I was in two minds to walk the open mile to lunch hall, when a Toyota pickup drove in. The Filipino driver, Jacki Chan type, got out, hoisted an ice block from the truck bed to his shoulder and walked to unload it into the drinking water tank. On return he found that he had locked himself out. He was bareback and was it hot?

It tool some time to locate a stiff wire and he tried hooking out the keys. No luck. In that kind of heat, mind barely works. I stepped out of the shade and suggested that he press the window slide button; & yeah, we drove back.

Lesson learnt. With all the automation going on, just remember to leave the engine running.

This is the funniest one to hear in a looong time

Good, i like it.... Is there such a list about women (or maybe we should write one)? It would greatly contribute to mutual understanding of the sexes, i think....