Topic: Be friends OR romantic, NOT both
freakyshiki2009's photo
Mon 03/14/11 02:19 PM
Edited by freakyshiki2009 on Mon 03/14/11 02:20 PM
What myshell711 said what winterblue said what soufie said..

fireflysgirl's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:03 PM

Very interesting point. Usually, with me, women want to throw sharp utensils at me or run me over with their cars.

OK, I will amend my statement.

MOST times, you can't have both. But, as you have shown, there are exceptions.




Shiki...maybe it's just you hun? LOL...still friends with my exs (most of them) & have several friends that have been fwbs at some point over the years!

v...I like your tattoos...my bff & I are getting a modified clauddagh to symbolize our 20 yr friendship on March 26th!!!

freakyshiki2009's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:06 PM
Hey, if you have not had your loved one try to run you over with their car, you have not really lived. Then again, I am a different breed of cat.

It can't be me? Can it?

LOL.

Of course, it's not me.

I think it is because I am a passionate man, and when I get into a relationship, there is intensity and passion. And so, when it ends, there is withdrawal on her end, and so, the insanity begins. I tell them not to hate me because I'm beautiful, but that only fuels the fire.

Live and learn.

Beer, anyone?

buttons's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:12 PM
Edited by buttons on Mon 03/14/11 03:17 PM
i disagree.. as a matter of fact my ex just left! lol! he will always be my friend! ps love his gf too! hope they get married soon!! they are both probably my best friends..i guess you would have to be around to see the vibes is all.. ill add this we were friends for 5 yrs first, there was nothing vindictive that happened.. sure we did not talk for 5 months after lol but we were best friends for about 2 yrs of that 5 yrs before i got together with him.. his gf cant stand the same gals i could not that he is friends with.. some are ex's some not.. i think it depends on the motives.... i have no motive other than i do love him as a friend.. we have lots of the same ideas.. he is a great person. i love his family<which now includes his gf!> he would do anything for me as a female friend would that is a true friend.. and i for him and his gf as well!

Mayhem_J's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:14 PM

i disagree.. as a matter of fact my ex just left! lol! he will always be my friend! ps love his gf too! hope they get married soon!! they are both probably my best friends..i guess you would have to be around to see the vibes is all..


Just left?

Menage a twa?

freakyshiki2009's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:16 PM
Buttons, looks like you need an extra dosage of motion lotion, along with some Ghiardelli chocolates.

buttons's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:18 PM


i disagree.. as a matter of fact my ex just left! lol! he will always be my friend! ps love his gf too! hope they get married soon!! they are both probably my best friends..i guess you would have to be around to see the vibes is all..


Just left?

Menage a twa?
sorry had to add to that

buttons's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:20 PM
Edited by buttons on Mon 03/14/11 03:21 PM


i disagree.. as a matter of fact my ex just left! lol! he will always be my friend! ps love his gf too! hope they get married soon!! they are both probably my best friends..i guess you would have to be around to see the vibes is all..


Just left?

Menage a twa?
and to answer.. no there were issues... of course! ours being he was paranoid and jealous of stuff never was happening! i could not take that anymore... that does not occur in our friendship.. yes he does tell me when he doesnt like someone! however.... he does also say when someone looks like a good one as well! im thinking his judgement is better than mine lol! also im glad to see that this very same issue is not occurring in his current relationship! i see that he learned something cause she is no different on her thoughts than i was..

Monier's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:20 PM
I am naturally romantic, but with me there is no question that friends stay friends.

freakyshiki2009's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:23 PM
I am open minded to allow for others' examples of where this works. But, my gut instinct is that friends should remain friends, and once you cross the line, you don't go back.

buttons's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:32 PM
also im a firm believer that when you decide to be with someone you should be best friends.. not that it stays that way! but to me it doesnt mean u cant be friends after some healing point either..

Monier's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:35 PM

I am open minded to allow for others' examples of where this works. But, my gut instinct is that friends should remain friends, and once you cross the line, you don't go back.


I agree, there is nothing like having past baggage with your friends. I think people that want to remain friends after crossing the line are very selfish.

Monier's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:38 PM
Also, being friends with a past lover is'nt bad, it's just a different type of friend.


Friends first then to lovers then back to friends to me does'nt seem feasable for caring rational people because they see the possible emotional issues that would come up.

no photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:49 PM

Shiki has been asked this question quite often. When a man and a woman are friends, and decide to make it a romantic relationship, you can never go home again. That is, once you cross that line, you can't go back. It's never the same.

So, if you have a friend of the opposite sex, and you are thinking "What if we take it to the next level," you do so at your oen risk. It's like swimming at the beach without a lifeguard.

For if the break-up happens, and the woman says, "Well, we can still be friends," run, run, run to the hills. It just doesn't work.

Just my two cents.
Shiki


Going back to being friends can work. I've done it and it worked out.

buttons's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:51 PM
freaky here is my thoughts on this line of thinking.. you should never get into a relationship with the thoughts that you can change something about someone..<and yes i have done this in the past> guilty!

however the person they are should be the person you fall in love with. yes the person they already are! to know this person you need to be best friends,, hence you share with the same sex friends all your secrets and deepest thoughts< as example of a heterosexual relationship> you should be sharing with someone you care about as well, nothing like finding out old bones in the closet from someone else.. that is hiding things.. so some arent all good bones but if they can accept them you should not have to live hiding them right? think about it this way... you like your best friend and want to be around them because you have no worries of the past or of how they will judge you.. it should be this way in a partnership of someone you are with or why be with someone you cant be you with? and hang around them? you should not get into a partnership if you dont want to spend time with them..you should feel loved, respected and cherished just as you should be with a best friend..and also a confident as well.. if they share something and dont want others to know you should not blab it out..common sense if they are beating you and they asked u not to tell of course u should discuss to your friend..


buttons's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:53 PM
i sure like your threads on here freaky!

Sneaksintoyourheart's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:58 PM
i guess if was to get romantic with a friend an it didn't work out i still can stay friends with them i mean why not ya can't have too many friends now can you

josie68's photo
Mon 03/14/11 03:59 PM
I cant see why you cant be, I am still great friends with a few of my ex's but there are others who just dont want to stay friends, so I guess it depends on the people.

buttons's photo
Mon 03/14/11 04:08 PM
Edited by buttons on Mon 03/14/11 04:08 PM

I am open minded to allow for others' examples of where this works. But, my gut instinct is that friends should remain friends, and once you cross the line, you don't go back.
i think that a lot of circumstances are that way.. as well! the partner you are with you need to respect their thoughts as your ex does as well! i hardly had no contact with my ex after he got with his gf.. then her and i kinda started talking on our own lol! on facebook! i was liking her.. her thoughts.. he picked a goodin! her and i met for lunch.. and wow! from there it went!! i really dig her!! and i think she knew i would not go there nor had any other intentions.. hell my second meeting with her i spent the night at their house! yes she invited me! had a ball!!< they still wanted to hang out.. her and my ex's uncle but on their side of town, but i cant drive in the dark> he now calls me more often. she calls too! and knows he calls! shoot she will be up the street playing pool league and knows he comes to visit for a few!.. for me i respect that in a friend.. trust! like she told me.. unless there is some reason to think different that one should not.. well im a friend that will always be the not! that she will never have a reason to not trust me... not to say that time may never come but if it does it will be discussed between me and her.. she is one blunt woman! as i am too i really like that about her.. if something comes up i can guarantee u this it wont be from something i did! i respect relationships like i dont know who honestly.. seems no one does anymore! well i mean its rare!!

Simonedemidova's photo
Mon 03/14/11 04:11 PM
if your being romantic with someone who was not your friend then chances are it was a one night stand..and whats the point in that except herpes and stuff.