Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.

If you want to know where I am call a psychic! If you're too lazy to do that just leave me a message!


I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!


Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for YOUR SCREEN NAME , your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me.


I hate short away messages.


I'm not talented enough to type and pick my nose at the same time.


Only fools leave away messages.

This is a sad and funny away message. The sad thing is you're IMing me thinking that I'm going to respond and the funny thing is that I'm sitting in front of the computer staring at the screen rolling on the floor laughing watching you IM me

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.


There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

Which of the three are you?


If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?


The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.


Imagine, if you will, a world without hypothetical situations.


I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 3%?


I fell out of my chair. This might take a while.


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Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity.

A day without sunshine is like... night.


Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Are you too gullible? We can cure you! Send $1,000 to...

It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.


He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Lol...those are really funny and..interesting