I'm great.

I left school at 16 to join the army but left in disgrace when the details of my sordid affair with the colonels twin daughters became public. Finding myself penniless on the streets of Moscow I was forced to compete in back room bear wrestling contests in exchange for bread and water. So consumate was my bear wrestling prowess I soon rose to prominence and attracted the attention of the most beautiful lady in Moscow. We enjoyed a brief but passionate tryst until her oligarch husband discovered our affair and had me sentenced to a life of hard labor in a remote Siberian colony. I escaped on camel across the Mongolian border and after months trekking through the desert, on the verge of death, I was taken in by the Mongolian womens national volleyball team. Dazzled by my beauty they insisted on becoming my own personal harem but such was the strength of their desire for me that their feuding became unbearable. I eloped during the dead of night while all 18 of them were sleeping a deep, satisfied slumber. I swam to Japan, but upon nearing the coast I was, due to my incredible physique, mistaken for a whale and repeatedly harpooned. Miraculously I survived and was nursed back to health by a team of 12 devoted Japanese nurses. They resolved to become my personal geishas, and I was finally ready to settle down but no sooner had I emerged from hospital than I was taken in by the Japanese authorities, concerned that my smoldering good looks might cause widespread public disorder, and flown unceremoniously back to Florida. But do I feel sorry for myself? Do I sit back and dwell on my many, many conquests? Do I bemoan how such an intellectually gifted, physically superior and prodigiously handsome man as myself could have fallen on such hard times? No I do not. Onwards and upwards my friends, onwards and upwards. -Okami

Hey, now you are copying me!

No way Mate no Way