DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO BE ME?! IT IS JUST IM-POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!

i was up all last night unable to sleep. wanted a drink before bed, and i ended up having an irish coffee. genius. caffeine never used to really affect me much, but i don't really drink it anymore. i ended up awake in bed, dead tired and unable to sleep. it was just fantastic.

OH MY GOSH!! THAT'S TERRIBLE! ARE YOU OKAY?

I seriously am so deeply sorry for your loss. I hope you recover really soon, because I'm so worried. So so worried.

I have a talking pickle.

I'm not going there I just like the chase ya little vermine!

OHOHOHOHOHOHONO!

OH NO!

I TURNED INTO AN EL-EE-PHANT!!

****in' annoying little rodent...ain't ya?

Oh? How hard could it be to be a delusional little raccoon who needs a spanking?

No. I sure don't like this. No. *Face scrunches up as much as a physical being can scrunch its face with distaste*

Spaz much?

Obviously our resident raccoon is the court jester of the animal kingdom.

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.

What are you supposed to be? You're probably actually here for the dates--that's the hilarious thing.

You also seem to think you're some sort of ninja or Keanu-Reeves-impersonator. Uncomely, that.

Thanks for the soul! It sure tasted delicious.

Anyway, I'm kinda busy right now, being amazing, so I should probably get back to that. Feel free to bask in my luminescence at your leisure (just don't wander too close; germs, and all)!

This thread misconstrues the concepts that it attempts to explain. Appearent "self-aware" raccons are not entertaining the possiblity of parallel universes.

They are instead testing the theory that the "uni"verse that we are currently familiar with should be understood not as a four-dimensional universe (three spatial dimensions and one temporal dimension) but instead as a singular dimensional plane that revolves around bovine feces.

While others do not have the ability directly to perceive dimensions other than the bioluminescently jaded light shed by a raccoon of matter and energy that we directly perceive, I cry moo.

:|

So, are you saying that our resident raccoon is a time-space traveler from a planet made out of bovine feces?

Well, it is no wonder that her attitude stinks.

Thankfully, I just received my Acme tranquilizer gun. Once I use it on the raccoon, I will be having plenty of fun with her. I just hope that she is flexible.

Is ZPicante asleep, or is she road kill?

I always tired.

But you are not a delusional pipsqueak raccoon. That's a plus.

There's always a bright side.

But it is always imaginary and thus easily snuffed out--to reveal the dark void that is reality.

The dark void of which you speak isthe inside ofthe trap I set for you Little rodent !