One of the most beautiful qualities of a relationship is the give and take in equal parts that occurs between two people. Occasionally this balance shifts and one person seems to be rowing the boat much more than the other requiring one to provide an inordinate amount of support, while it seems like the other person has chosen to become unable or unwilling to give much in return regardless of how little or how much you give in any event....

Have you ever had such an experience in a relationship, and if so how did you respond and/or handle the issue?

my side is the right side

Been there. Now going through the divorce to "correct" the problem. When one person works on keeping the relationship going, and the other just lets it go. It takes two tango as the saying goes. And relationships take work on both parts to be successful.

It always seems to be the issue with people I date. I give and give and give while they do nothing in return. The only way to "fix" it is to leave. People don't change unless they WANT to. If they are already getting everything without having to do anything, why change?

From what I've seen in my own relationships as well as those of loved ones, is that there is always one who gives more, forgives more, does more, tries harder and loves more. It is a rarity that both people are on the same level AT the same time.
Unfortunate, but true.

This may be so, however somewhere there is a balance; it is when this balance shifts totally to one side, and the person it shifts to gets to feeling the pressure while the other has chosen to .......

I'm sure it is...

I did, it ended.

No relationship is an equal balance in all things, but there are layers of balances between a couple.

However, if one person isn't working towards a balance of sorts, then it's wasting time.

Heck, yeah. I gave, gave, gave and got very little reciprocation. And HE ended it.

if a relationship is long enough both parties will incurr this at some point. Whether both are equally willing to providethe emotional support the other needs equally is also a question. Also I think it's a fair expectation for the person requiring the support to work through their issue in a timely fashion - or shift some priorities to get back into being a contributor

well ya - in a shorter term relationship just end it as soon as you realize you aren't getting any reciprocation. That's a little different than something long term where someone , for example, contracts an illness, or loses a job. And in long term relationships it's gonna happen, that's test, will he/she see you through???

It takes a pretty strong bond. My ex and I almost made it - and I think we share the credit and the blame. (altho I doubt we agree on who shares more of what that's why we're exes) This balance is usually the "reason behind the reason" when people DON'T make it in coupledom - good, thought provoking thread, OP

I think over time, a relationship of this sort is sabotaging, unhealthy, and can be draining and truly unsatisfying. One option is to communicate that you would like to create a more equal balance in which your needs, desires, and concerns also get some attention. If all fails, your second option which I have read in some of the responses and is the fastest and quickest is to simply end the relationship, or let it fade out naturally. After all, you may be thanked for revealing a pattern that is probably sabotaging more than one relationship in their life.

perhaps that is a workable solution and I agree relationships that remain unbalanced for too long usually do not work out long term, but relationships are also as unique as the people in them - so I don't this is a topic where we are going to find a "one size fits all" solution or explanation

In life things happen.....one partner should always be willing to support the other and visa versa in life....its not always easy for an independent partner to accept the extra help when needed either in these situations and it works best when they talk about it and understand this.....love is a funny thing ya know

yea I been there......

I just manually tip the boat over and watch em drown while i swim for shore!

sorry

I had this situation quite a few times so I researched it and found that my low self esteem and codependency caused me to do this repeatedly so I worked on myself to change the problem.

Awesome. I screwed up exactly the same way.

I only give between the hours of 6:30PM to 10:PM...Mon-Thurs. Non business hours....leave a message and my secretary will get back with you.

My dog, Lady is a cannibal. I just saw her eating a hot dog a few minutes ago. She has no remorse and doesn't feel guilty in the least.