hello all,

I starting seeing a girl recently. I sometimes don't get her, but i do like her. I have asked her and she said she liked me too. We have been going out, I have taken her to dinner, and out to places. My biggest thing is that she feels like i shouldn't have to pay for anything. She don't want me to buy her dinner or pay for any date. She thinks its wrong for a guy to buy dinner or pay for a date.
should i continue or should i give up?

I'm not sure I understand what's wrong with that? Are you thinking that she wants to go "dutch" so there isn't a commitment? If that were the case why would she go at all? I think if she just wanted to be friends she'd be saying things like "you're such a great guy, I wish I had more friends like you" or something along those lines..

Maybe she's taking it slow and doesn't want to feel like she's taking advantage of someone so wants to pay her own way until you both know if you want to be exclusive...

Have the 2 of you actually sat and discussed it? Does she know your feelings and do you know why she insists on paying. She may be afraid of it becoming an obligation on her part and she is not ready for that.

Just my 2 cents.

why can't I find a woman like that?

I would continue seeing her if I were you. It may be that you two have more in common than you realise. You aren't having to pay for her company and she isn't having to pay for your company. Friends do things like that.

With my honey it's give and take, has been from the first
date where I paid for car gas and left the tip, and he paid
for dinner. Since then we take turns going across the ferry
to his/my house, and it takes each of us a half hour to get
to the ferry. While at each other's house we are a true "guest"
and get pampered.

That's so sweet....

what im worried about is maybe she don't really like me and that is her way of just putting me off. I have tried to get her to go out again and explained that was how i was raised, to pay for the date, or if you invite friends out to pay for them. The one thing i know is she is living on her own and she probably dont have the cash, so i like to treat her out. I have told her she dont owe me anything and that i dont want anything in return other than her company. I must say i will give this another try and see where it goes. I have made up my mind and i will wait till she calls and want to hang out.

She also has stated that she has bad experience with other guys, and all i have to respond to that is that im not them. I think there is more to it, so i will try and see whats up...???

continue paying.....let her pay if she wants.....


continue seeing her....why not!!!

Yes. Friends do things like that. I agree......

IMHO: If she wanted to put you off, she would say no to the dates... she keeps saying yes to go out with you, she is interested :). Going dutch? count your blessings, enjoy each others company -- she might just turn out to be a keeper :)...

$.02

Just ask her. Without communication you don't have much of anything. It might be her way of saying that she doesn't want to be more than friends. She might not want to feel 'obligated' to anything. Or maybe she likes being independent and looks as you paying for her as charity? It could mean a lot of things and many of them not bad. There's only one way to find out though!

welcome to the new age brother heheh ....

maybe thats just the way she is.....she pays her own way B-) nothingw rong with that. times have changed and maybe not everyone has changed with them but there are people who have. other than that we're all different. over time her attitude could change :) to be real...this is who she is right?

if you like her great and she likes...great! enjoy it :)

best of luck B-)

agreed. he really does need to ask her. as a woman, if I were to do that it would be because I asked him, or because he's being friend zoned permanently. OR, we're doing something kinda expensive that 1 person shouldn't have to shell out for alone.

that's just my perspective - ya gotta ask her. You said something about she calls u to hang out. that could be it right there- cuz she's doing the asking. Have u tried calling her to do some asking?. She might appreciate that.

Oh, and if she's calling you, she's into you on some level

Yep! Even if she's into you as only a friend, HEY! Even though it's not exactly what you'd like, a friend in her is better than nothing!

I really like your attitude. I agree again, and think that anything that is going to work out long term is best started with being friends. Friends make the best partners, best lovers, best...friends

see, I'm a little different than some women I guess. I friend zone everybody at first, in the hopes that I will always have that with him- whether or not it grows into anything else

The way I look at it is that who you're with should be a best friend. Of course, much of the time, it's quite not the same as having a 'guy best friend', but if you are able to find that special woman who can also be that 'guy', you're golden. In a non-sexual way of course. Unless you're into that sorta thing, but whatever works for you. The 'friend zone' is often a good route to start with. Even though, sometimes it can be awkward if left that way toooo long. Other times not, but every person and relationship is different.

Women are not meant to be understood! Adored always...understood never!! And I will have you know we work damn hard at it too!

I believe that one!