I was on my lunch break, sitting in my car at a local park relaxing and eating some pringles when a police officer pulls up behind me, exits his cruiser and approaches my driverside window. The officer, with an awkward lean, bends down looks through the window into my vehicle, takes in the situation and asks me what i am doing. In a state of complete shock, I look down at the can of pringles and turn my gaze back to the officer and reply "minding my own business, how about you?" -strike 1


I was recently pulled over for speeding, I was clocked doing 70 in a 55 mile per hour zone. The officer walked up to my car looks me in the face and pauses for a moment, he says to me "your eyes are glossy, having you been smoking marijuana?" I retort "your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"-strike 2


I was again, pulled over this time for wreckless driving. The officer asks me to step out of the car and he asks if i will consent to a search of my person. I giggle out loud and say "yeah, sure why not" the officer says to me "before i begin to execute the search , do you have any weapons, knives, razor blades, assault rifles or grenade launchers in your pocket"? (while smiling) I pause for a moment and reply "no sir I don't, but the midget in the back seat has a pen knife, a bb gun, and a stuffed buffalo so don't try to be a hero"!-strike 3

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The third one.........nice!

you should never ask a cop if he's f#$%ing stupid either...

sssshhhh don't call the drunk im police occifer

POLICE INTERROGATION (the wrong way)
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Q:who are you?
A: A trouble maker, who has no respect for the law.

Q:Are you screwing with me?
A:No! wait, YES!..no, no i'm not. Ok yes, Yes I'm sure that i am.

Q:are you aware of your rights?
A:yes, and I've noticed my lefts too.

Q:why did you run from the police?
A:because they chased me.

Q:have you ever been known by any other names?
A:yes. my children call me,dad. my parents call me,son. my girlfriend calls me Babe, or @sshole. and bill collectors call me, 3 or 4 times a day.

Q:where were you two nights ago?
A:in the past.

Q:when is your birthday?
A:july, 1st.

Q:what year?
A:every year.

Q:what is your social security number?
A: 4

Q:where do you live?
A:on the corner

Q: on the corner where? are there street signs?
A:yes, and according to the signs, i live on the corner of walk and don't walk.

Q:do you abuse drugs?
A:NO! I am very nice to them.

Q:what is your drug of choice?
A:hmmm... I'm not picky.

Q:have you ever been to rehab?
A:NO! my daddy didn't raise a quitter!

rofl

im driving in my new firebird on the freeway I 91 and speeding. officer pulls me over and asked me do you know how fast you were going? my friend in the passenger seat reply's to to officer that wasnt even talking to him and says. i dont know the spedomiter was burried! officer hands me a $300 dollar ticket and tells me thank your friend for this ticket.. i was gonna let you off with a warning.. true story!.
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.out parked at a boat ramp next to a river in my home town with friends drinking. cop pulls up and says to me.. you know you have bald tires and a loud muffler. now mind you theres a case of beer and a bottle of tequila in the glove box. same friend metioned above sticks his stupid head out and says to the officer. (WHAT! HE'S GOT A BOLD MUFFLER AND A LOUD TIRE) you know what happened next! yep! get out of the car. low and behold. it's the same cop 1 year later. arrested for under age drinking.. dont go yet the best is yet to come!.
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.i thought this one was clever by the cop. i have to give him this one.. cop pulls me over for speeding only 4 miles over the limit. same friend opens his mouth. said why did you pull us over when eveyone is doing the same speed? cop asked... you ever go fishing? my friend says yes. cop asked anouther... ever catch any? friend said yes. cop asked.. did you ever catch them all?

Two nights ago my nephew got arrested for being drunk in public He was assaulted on the front porch of my home by some random a$$hole. My nephew goes into my house grabs an antique sword off its mount on my living room wall and chases the guy down the street with it. when the cops show up and put him in hand cuffs he whispers to me on his way past me to the cruiser" i'm gonna get out of this watch"! as the officer opens the cruiser door and tells my nephew to get in, My nephew screams at the top of his lungs at the officer" I'm not sucking $hit to get out of this"!!! everyone in the neighborhood heard this and directed their attention to my nephew and the officer. The officer was so embarrassed he wrote my nephew a citation for disorderly conduct and released him.