Now I have a question for DivineStrength.

If you were not married to the man, then . . .

*

*

*

. . . what the hell were you doing living with him?


If you permitted him to get between your legs without him being married to you, then you sent him the signal that you did not have high standards.

If you agreed to live with him without the two of you being married, then you gave him the message that you could be taken advantage of.

You blame the guy for a bad relationship, and yet you set yourself up for the bad relationship because of your own low standards.

Back before I met my late wife, I was in a bad relationship with a another women as a result of me lowering my moral standards. I made the mistake of living with her without being married to her. Wow did I ever get hurt as a result of what I did.

I learned my lesson and moved on. Later, when I met my late wife, she and I built a relationship on something other than sex. I did not get between her thighs until after our wedding.

Divine, no matter what your guy did or didn't do, you would never had been in that situation if you had maintained high moral standards for yourself.

Yes, you are aching inside. I did, too. Yet, you can have a fresh start like I did, but in order to do so, you have to admit to your own weaknesses just like I admitted to mine.

True love is still somewhere out there waiting for you. Somewhere there is a man who will give you love and physical affection without insisting on getting between your legs before marriage.

Until you meet true love, keep reminding yourself about the truth:

You are precious. You are priceless. You are lovable. You are beautiful.

Any time that you want to see beauty, just look in a mirror.

Clearly the boyfriend you just broke up with did not deserve you.

By the way, your now-ex-boyfriend did not suddenly change after the two of you began living together. He is the same way that he was when you first met him. Why did you choose him in the first place?

To Dodo David,

I cook, I clean, I take good care of him. I don't nitpick or even nag this man, and he refuses to help with anything or even take a shower, he puts smelly sweat socks on the kitchen table while dinner is being served, he watches football all day long saturday=college football, sunday=NFL sunday, monday= monday night football and a little NCIS...the list goes on and on, which = no time for us and when we do spend time together all HE does is nag about how I didn't iron his shirt correctly or fold his t-shirts into the draw properly...now whats your synopsis sir?

Yeah, sorry, my name isn't David but I've got some questions...if you don't mind.

You "take good care of him." Does he feel that you take good care of him?

He "refuses to help with anything or even take a shower." What do you mean by 'anything'? And, you have been involved with him for how long? Surely you knew long ago about his bathroom habits, right? So, why is it such a big deal now..after all this time?

He is apparently big on the football thing. Well, you could toss the TV's out but I would imagine he would find another locale to watch the games in. Or, you could be grateful that he's home...not in some other woman's bed...but, home with you.

If his nagging is getting to be too much for you, explain it to him. Or, (my own personal method) give him a taste of what nagging feels like. I am not saying go full tilt on the nagging, just spend a few days griping about every little thing you think he's doing wrong. Then ask him, "How does that feel?" I've had a lot of success with this method.

It seems to me that you feel you are not being given credit for everything you do for this gentleman. That's great but, silly question here, have you tried sitting him down and talking about this at all?

Now I have a question for DivineStrength.

If you were not married to the man, then . . .

*

*

*

. . . what the hell were you doing living with him?


If you permitted him to get between your legs without him being married to you, then you sent him the signal that you did not have high standards.

If you agreed to live with him without the two of you being married, then you gave him the message that you could be taken advantage of.

You blame the guy for a bad relationship, and yet you set yourself up for the bad relationship because of your own low standards.

Back before I met my late wife, I was in a bad relationship with a another women as a result of me lowering my moral standards. I made the mistake of living with her without being married to her. Wow did I ever get hurt as a result of what I did.

I learned my lesson and moved on. Later, when I met my late wife, she and I built a relationship on something other than sex. I did not get between her thighs until after our wedding.

Divine, no matter what your guy did or didn't do, you would never had been in that situation if you had maintained high moral standards for yourself.

Yes, you are aching inside. I did, too. Yet, you can have a fresh start like I did, but in order to do so, you have to admit to your own weaknesses just like I admitted to mine.

True love is still somewhere out there waiting for you. Somewhere there is a man who will give you love and physical affection without insisting on getting between your legs before marriage.

Until you meet true love, keep reminding yourself about the truth:

You are precious. You are priceless. You are lovable. You are beautiful.

Any time that you want to see beauty, just look in a mirror.

Clearly the boyfriend you just broke up with did not deserve you.

By the way, your now-ex-boyfriend did not suddenly change after the two of you began living together. He is the same way that he was when you first met him. Why did you choose him in the first place?

and so say the self-righteous.....

wow! that is too much, who are you to pass judgement on anyone?

i think you owe her an apology

My ex told me that "Babe. You are great in the sack." I don't know what she said after that, because I tuned it out. But it was all her fault. I tells ya. I swear. I mean, she wanted me to communicate? Oh...The Horror!!!!

and so say the self-righteous.....

wow! that is too much, who are you to pass judgement on anyone?

i think you owe her an apology

I knew ahead of time that some people would object to what I said in my last post.

Yet, who here besides me bothered to tell Divine that she is beautiful? Who here besides me has offered her hope for finding true love?

I confront Divine's situation from the perspective of someone who has been in the same situation.

Egads! It is not unusual for a young woman to give sex to a man in hope that he will give her love in return.

The problem is that way too many men will pretend to give women love in order to get sex. When women fall for such a con job, they end up getting hurt.

Divine has been hurt, and I don't want her to be hurt again.

Sure, we all can tell her to run from the now-ex-boyfriend, but running isn't enough.

Divine put herself into a bad situation because of a choice that she made. If she does not want to end up in another bad relationship, then she needs to figure out what standards that she should use when it comes to dating.

I want for Divine's aching heart to heal, but it won't heal if Divine repeats her previous mistake with another man. She needs to know what messages that her behavior gives a man. Hiding reality from her is no help.

My goal on this thread is to protect and to nurture a young woman who has a wounded heart. I apologize if my previous post came across as being abrasive.

[For what it's worth, when I was younger, I ended up in a bad relationship because I craved love, and a woman pretended to love me so that I would be her sex partner. Strange but true.]