So there is a girl in school and I've fallen for her. We've known each other for over a year. We don't have any same classes together but we still go out and hangout. She is an exchange student from Vietnam and she's very conservative. She lives with her aunt and her mom and dad are back home. She's here with one goal in mind and that is to finish school. We started out being friends but the more we hung out, the more I like her. So recently I revealed my true feeling for her and she said she's not ready right now and wants to focus on school. So I took it as a rejection. When she ask me to hangout again next time, I told her I couldn't and I told her I want to move on. That same day, I got a text from her cousin, saying she was crying and that she really likes me but can't commit right now.

My dilemma, I don't think I believe her when she says she's not ready. I think that's just a soft rejection. So I want to move on, but she won't let me.

I still have feeling for her and I like her.

What should I do?

imho: she is being honest with you, and you are not respecting her. she has no control over you, if you want to move on, move on (she cant stop you). If you truly like this girl, respect her, hang out and see what happens. You are young, she is young, enjoy this time. if you do not respect her or believe what she says - why stick around? you should not assume she does not really like you. you may have some self-esteem issues to deal with yourself. you had the courage to tell her how you feel (which is good). She was aparently honest enough to tell you her focus is on school (which you already knew) - nothing wrong with that. She even wanted to continue to hang out after you told her. Sounds to me that she likes you, but needs to focus on her school. respect her wishes (if you think she is worth it) stick around.

good luck man!

$.02

Here's the thing: There are people out there that like to focus on school first before jumping into a relationship. People who are in a relationship while in school can get distracted (some, not all). Especially if the relationship comes to an end, they won't be focused on their school work.

I don't think your friend was trying to reject you. She wanted to keep her main focus on school. Having you as her friend is important right now. Once she finishes school, maybe try again. I think you need to talk to her just to see what her thoughts are. I hope this helps.

If you really do care about her, and like her much.
Then I would say to hang-out some more and let her have her space-----but----also let her know that you want MORE than just a casual friendship with her,,let her decide some more if she feels YOUR worth more to her(right-now) than to let you go away?
If she doesn't give you more(a real date) and some more compassions,,I'd move on,,because she truly isn't ready at this point to settle into ANY relationships,,because of School or placement(location),see,,,she KNOWS she has to leave you,,wink,and THAT THOUGHT may mess her mind up as to doing well in her classes...
PLUS,,you also must know she is a short term girlfriend to get involved with....so life and wants, sometimes demand MORE than one really wants to even TRY,,because of knowing the goodbyes...
Good Luck with being her friend and staying close with her for maybe some time down the road when she is finished with school...

She has other goals, and it ain't you.

I suspect her family and she have made some sacrifices for her to come to study and live in this country, bear this in mind.

Have the two of you discussed what her plans are when she is finished with school? Does she plan on remaining here in the U.S?

Also consider that she needs friends, and not a more serious relationship at this time in her life.

If you can't accept a 'friends only' relationship, then move on.

Take responsibility for your own actions. She said she is not "ready". Regardless of whether that is true or not - the fact is she is just not that into you. School is tough but if she really liked you - she would find time.

The text from the cousin is a stupid, immature game. Did she also pass you a note in class?? That is manipulation and is no bueno. Red flags are all over the place; she might be playing games. Is that the type of girl you want?

She is playing into your affection for one reason or another; however, you have control over the way you deal with the situation. Don't be wishy-washy like her.

Move on and good luck.

Run Forrest Run!!!!!!!!

Terry, I'm going to give you an answer in an Asian perspective. This is just to explain what the girl probably feels, because I've been there. The thing is, if she's conservative, she might belong to a strict, traditional family like mine was. We follow rules imposed by our parents seriously, especially at a young age; and finishing school is definitely, unquestionably, absolutely a given. You do not question that and you do not do anything that would distract you from it. When I was in school, I was not allowed a boyfriend and all my calls were filtered by my parents. I was never late in going home, because I was too scared of my father. He'd question my whereabouts if I was delayed for a few minutes. You have to understand that and respect it, especially if she was honest enough to tell you those things and you really are sincere with your feelings about her. If you really can't stand being with her anymore, then explain why. Don't just suddenly walk away, because it will make her feel bad, as if it was her fault when she is just trying to be honest with you and true to her family's wishes.

Very good advice,,,,

Hmmm I don't know, maybe respect her wishes and let her focus on school? This isn't about you and what you want.

Red lace, I know where you're coming from. I'm asian too and my parents are very similar. They stress that education is everything. But of course, I have little more freedom than her because I'm a boy and I also grew up here so my parent adapted to my needs. Her situation is similar to yours, she has told me how her parents are strict and even right now, her aunt is enforcing the same rules on her.

Goodguy and Chicayoshi, If any girl from western culture told me this (I'm not ready and want to focus on school), I would easily raise a BS flag and move on. But I'm having trouble believing that she's not ready. I respect her and her decision. But I'm not asking her to marry me! It's just a simple and small escalation from friendship. I myself am very busy. I have two jobs and work on Saturday and Sunday, and go to school Monday - Thursday. We always hang out on Friday. However, I'm still trying to find some time to make this work. It doesn't seem like she's putting any effort in to this.

She's a very sweet girl and cares about me. Recently(after my confession), I was involved in a motorcycle accident and so she made me some home remedies for my bruises that she learned from her mom. I really care about her and that's why I can't see her. The thing is, it hurts me to see her everytime and I don't think I can suppress my feelings and be her "friend." Everytime, I try telling her I can't see her, she starts crying.

I'm just having trouble believing her and I don't want to stick around and be her friend if nothing is going to happen.

Thanks for the input, it feels good letting this out.
_Terry

She was friggin honest with you buddy....


So why couldn't ya remain friends with her???

Was your ego bruised......Ya never been rejected before???


Ya gonna miss out on what can be a nice relationship with someone if ya stop whining...think....and be friends


when shes ready....shell let ya know

either she's feeling it or not.....

no reason to play games..........

be on to the next one...

it'll make her like you more when she sees you with that hot blonde in your drop top

She's just playing hard to get. Smack her on the azz and tell her she is your woman. Chicks dig that!

Yep! If you care for her, respect that she has a different world perspective. She will have to focus on school and finish it before pursuing a relationship.

And I would suggest doing some research about Vietnamese culture.

I think you are reading too much into it and should listen to her words at face value. You place words in her mouth that she did not say. A real friend would not do that. A REAL friend also would not refuse to hang out just cuz they couldn't have the relationship on their terms - u sound a little control freakish on this one - jmho

agreed - he needs to see things from her side too. if he can't , then HE is the one who is not ready for a relationship either

It couldn't be that he's just a mad horny boy could it?

what kind of feelings do you have anyways...? you said you started out as friends and you knew she was there to finish her education..so what...? now you love her and she is supposed to drop all her plans for you..?

bah...some "friend"...sooner she gets over you the better for her...

Date other people, no woman is gonna really want u unless she has to compete. Women want men that other women want & u can kill 2 birds with one stone if you see whats out there while making her see what she could be missing out on. This could be her just wanting to see her options. Besides relationships take time to build & if she don't have the time for you its better to remain friends until the timing is better.

If I was horny, then I would just go to a club and pick up a girl. But I'm not looking for that with her. I really like her.

And that's why I have decided to listen to you guys. I'm going to stick around with her. Last night as a joke I tried telling her that I'm going to leave her and she got upset. I really like her and I'm not going to leave her without giving it my all.

Anyways, I need help! I think I have trust issue. I have trouble believing her reason for not going through with the relationship. How do I fix this? Is it an ego Issue (gossipmpm) or self esteem like goodguy said? And I think I do read too much into her words and action.....How do I stop that?

Please Help!

_Terry