A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have
a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one
thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're
prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest
exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."

He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to
this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and
read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put
them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying
that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this
may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As
he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage,
holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and
placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the
female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you
want to have some fun?" There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male
parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads
away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

There's a guy who owns a parrot which never talks. So he goes to the pet
shop to get some advice. The pet shop owner says he knows exactly what
the problem is.

"Your parrot has too much hook in it's beak, what you have to do is file
it's beak back and it will be able to talk just fine. You've got to be
careful not to file it too far though, because if you take too much off
the bird will drown the first time it has a drink."

The parrot owner asks how much the pet shop guy charges to do this beak
modification and he says $100. So the parrot fancier decides he'll do it
himself.

A week or so later they bump into one another in the street. The pet
shop guy enquires how the parrot is and whether it is talking yet? The
parrot owner says "the parrots dead". Pet shop guy says "I told you not
to file the beak back too far, did he drown when he had a drink?".

Ex-parrot owner says "F k no, he was dead before I got him out of the
vice!!"