Every time I think I'm starting to get on with my life and dealing better with the exbf and niece having a baby, I get some new info that starts me to pondering my life all over again. I'm not going looking for their news, but she's family and while seeing my dad for Father's Day I found out the dr. has moved up her due date by a month. Which means it's either not his kid or even his confessions to me were lies. She, at 17, kept threatening to run away so we invited her to stay with us and supposedly 2 weeks after she moved in they hooked up. This timing renders that impossible, if it's his. Now I have to deal with the possibility that my own niece moved in on me with the intent of cheating with my boyfriend, that it "just happened" was hard enough. How do I process this? What else will come to light to throw me right back to the beginning of dealing with the situation? I don't want him back, trust obviously gone, but I want my life to make sense. How can people who claim to love you care so little that they could do such a thing? Has anyone else made steps forward in the healing to be thrown so far backwards by additional information? How did you deal with it?

I never had a situation like that. But i went through a rough time with my ex always telling me lies to get me back...I went through a drinking phase, and it wasn't good and didn't really help. You just have to let it go...it's not easy but in time you will heal and find someone who makes you feel good again.

Im sorry your going thru that still. Sometimes it's hard to forget the bad deals in the past. You'll meet a guy soon, who will make you forget all about that stuff

I'm not in your situation, but my ex of 10 years broke up with me for another girl. After about 3-4 months, I started to finally move on with my life and feel like I was starting to get over it. Then he tried to string me along, telling me he still loved me, he had made a mistake, he couldn't imagine his life without me, stuff like that. But he still wouldn't break up with her. I finally gave him an ultimatum and he chose her. It felt like he had broken up with me all over again. The way I worked through it was to remind myself that I had been feeling better before and eventually I was going to get back to that place. I know it's hard now, but eventually you'll get through it. For now just hang in there and just keep reminding yourself that none of it was your fault.

your niece is a child and this man took advantage of her and you at the same time. The timing doesn't matter. Your niece has a long road ahead of her and this man is not going to stick it out. She will need her family. Consider yourself lucky that he is out of your life because you deserve much better. He is the one who lost, not you. I hope that you can forgive your niece. At 17 she does not have the life experience not to believe all the lines that this man fed her. Good luck to both of you and I hope your family can heal.

I guess that what makes this so hard is that there is no end in sight. If it is his baby, my great-niece to be, then he's a part of my family for life. I have a big close family. He says he's not planning to attend family functions and holidays, but news of him will always be there. I won't ever to be able to get away from it unless I stop seeing my whole family, and that's not fair and not happening. I know I'll find someone better for me out there someday, but how do I deal with this family connection?

It is difficult, but the only thing that you can change...is you, and your own perspective. I do know what you mean about being thrown back, my ex cheated on me with a guy I knew while I was on deployment...than later I found out that not only did she cheat with an ex-bf of hers, she also had a 3month affair with my little brother while I was gone, I wasn't in the same situation but similiar I moved my little brother into my house to help him get on his feet, and to go to a flight school nearby...but instead of getting on his feet, he got on my now ex-wife.

it sucks when it is family, it is painfully hard, but completely possible. I am divorced now, and even though I occasionally find myself thinking of my ex, i'm glad it is over.

The harder part is with my brother, I still see him every year for Christmas, and still talk to him on the phone as well....it's difficult sometimes but sometimes it's like nothing ever happened.

You can only try to do what you think is best. Don't wonder about them(or try not to) start going and doing the things that you wanted to do when you were with him that you knew he wouldn't be into....

That's what I started doing, my ex never liked the beach or surfing...so I never went even though I wanted to...then I started going by myself after she was gone...it felt lonely at first...but then you start to meet people who like to do the same things you do...and you know what? I found out that I have a lot more fun without her being around...

good luck.

Thank you so much, I feel so alone, like nobody else has a clue what I'm going through. I know my situation is not unique on the planet and it's good to hear from someone who has dealt with family betrayal and came out of it okay. I'm so sorry to bring back the memories, but appreciate the advise and support. I'll have to find a good museum to visit I think. I haven't done that since he's been around. I'm sure I'll think of some other places to visit, too. I guess I haven't thought about doing much alone, maybe that's just how I'll bump into somebody wonderful. Thank you again.

Thank you, I hope someday to be able to foregive her. Like I said we have a big close family. I just hurt so much, I don't know how long it's going to take. That baby is innocent regardless of their choices and the idea that I wouldn't get to know the littlest member of my family is painful too. So I know I have to stay open to foregiving her, I just don't know how to get there.At least I know he's a really good dad to his older daughter with his exwife. So I can be happy for the baby for that much.

Yep, heard all that for months. Now it's that he'll always love me but we weren't right for each other but he can't imagine life without my friendship, and since we now share a blood relative we have to find a way to a new understanding. Makes things that much more confusing. Thanks for the well wishes and the same to you