Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror
complaining to
my husband that my breasts were too small. Instead of
characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically
comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts
to grow, then
every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it
between them for
a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet
paper and
stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my
breasts "How
long will this take?" I asked "They will grow larger
over a period
of years," my husband replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think! rubbing a piece of
toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts
larger over the
years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt,
didn't it?"

He is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy,
he may even
walk again.

Stupid, stupid man.
***************************************************************************************************
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed
reading when the wife
looks
over at him and asks the question.........

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get
married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND:"Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND:"Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to
do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed"

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "****..."
**************************************************************************************************
These are all registered domain names of legitimate companies or
organizations. Someone should have thought twice.

1). A site called 'Who represents' where you can find the name of The
agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is:
www.whorepresents.com

2). 'Experts Exchange', a knowledge base where programmers can Exchange
advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com

3). Looking for a pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island' at:
www.penisland.net

4) Need a 'therapist'? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5). Then of course, there's the ' Italian Power Generator Company' -
www.powergenitalia.com

6).. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New
South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com

7). If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9).. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
wacky website: www.speedofart.com

10). Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at:
www.gotahoe.com
***********************************
SOMEBODY'S RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT! One Nation,"Under God".

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom.
The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there.
He just doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:
Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school,
she must not have one!

(You Go Girl!)

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT" II CORINTHIANS 5:7

************************************
What About Bob

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights
each week bowling and plays
golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing
himself too hard, so for
his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey,
Bob! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this
club before. "Oh no," says
Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd
like his usual and brings
over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly
uncomfortable and says,
"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?".

"I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf
club. I always have a Bud
at the end of the 1st nine, honey.
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws
her arms around Bob, starts
to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby.
Want your usual table dance,
big boy?"

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms
out of the club Bob
follows and he spots her getting into a cab. Before
she can slam the door, he jumps
in beside her.. Bob tries desperately to explain how
the stripper must have
mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is
having none of it. She is
screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling
him every 4 letter word in the
book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you
picked up a real ***** this
time."
*******************************************

FBI Job Opening:
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background
checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two
men and a woman.


For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your
instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will
find your wife sitting in a chair.. Kill Her!!"


The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."


The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your
wife and go home."


The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, " I tried, but I can't kill my wife."


The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."


Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instruction, to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls


After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "The gun is loaded with
blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."


Moral:
Women are evil.
Don't mess with them