Life Truths For Mature Humans



1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!


find yourself in any of these??

This is so me. Thanks for the laugh Jeff

where you been?
missed ya

Thanks Jeff. Work has been busy and I had some personal issues. I would have emailed you but I am too old. LOL.

no your not!!!!!!

a few...

Yes I am. You have to under 45 and unfortunately it has been awhile since I have seen 45

#2, 10, 17, and 23 mostly.

Thanks bedlum

it's good to know I am not the only one in some of these.

Those damn fitted sheets. Those things still get me.

Life Truths For Mature Humans

Are you sure this is suppose to be mature???



1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Why do you have something to hide? Cuz I don't!

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I blessed with the gift of... 'In one ear, out the other" Who cares!

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

If you're tired... GO TO SLEEP!

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

It does take some intelligence to be witty.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Again... who cares.

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

How many books or magizines do you see published in cursive???

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Okay, ummm(?)

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

At least where I live, they do.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Refer to answer to question three.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

What people will do for the sake of conversation.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

Haha, I get paid by the hour!

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

Technology is very important for the human race, why take it for granted???

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I have no idea what you're talkin' bout.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

That's why I wears nothing but t-shirts, and shorts.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

A classic case of ants in yo pants.

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

Insecurity is pricless!

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Lucky you... funny how you mentioned 'mature'

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

They've got thse already.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

Trust me... diamonds get more kisses than beer.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Don't be scared.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

Ummm, I forgot what I was gonna say!

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, ya know???

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

<>

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

You say it like it's a bad thing?

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

My Granny has hearing aids.

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

ROAD RAGE!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

NO!/size]

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

I wish I could only be as smart as you.

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

Ummmm, okay?

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

Hate is such a strong word for something so non-relivant.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I don't even wear a watch.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

I bet you my **** thay you take a **** everyday too...