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| Topic: Need some advice...help | |
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Jill what will happen if wife kicks him out he'll go to your friend.Some people are very good in manipulation and i bet he has both these women convinced he loves them.He loves himself.He's using your friend and keeping his options open
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Jill what will happen if wife kicks him out he'll go to your friend.Some people are very good in manipulation and i bet he has both these women convinced he loves them.He loves himself.He's using your friend and keeping his options open I guess I felt like if I was "barb" I would want to be told. But I can't seem to justify contacting her and stirring up all these problems. I feel like I would be causing even more drama and problems to an already bad situation. I just feel guilty for "barb". For all I know right now, she's innocent in this... but maybe she's not. I just don't know. I do believe that all cheaters will eventually get caught. Maybe I should wait it out and let him get caught up on his own. |
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Jill what will happen if wife kicks him out he'll go to your friend.Some people are very good in manipulation and i bet he has both these women convinced he loves them.He loves himself.He's using your friend and keeping his options open It's highly likely that bostid Joe will do just that. A "plan B" or an insurance plan, in case it all goes wrong for him. Gee, how delightful, what a freaking standup guy that Joe is! She's caught in this love triangle until you can get her out of it, and you gotta do it soon before it's too late. 
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This is exactly why I asked for advice.
I really needed some unbiased opinions and thoughts from people who are not involved what so ever. Thank you
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Edited by
misstina2
on
Thu 04/29/10 12:50 AM
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good night good luck with this
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You go to the wife…she kicks him out…your friend is going to take him back.( By the way, she is not without guilt.)
Can you not see the writing on the wall here? “He has nowhere else to go” “he still cares about me” “I still care about him”… She was ok with him living there and she justified it by repeating his lies, “sleeps on the couch” yeah right! She knew, she just decided to put up with it in the hopes that he would leave his wife. Your friend just found this out, but she still has some contact with him so that tells me she is still attached. He will go to her because he knows this and she will now be able to say he left his wife. So she will take him back. Then he will work on getting you (the one who told on him and the one person who could ruin this relationship as well) out of his way. The cycle of revenge will just keep going until you have lost your friend. After all is said and done, she will side with the man she is sleeping with over you… I absolutly agree my friend has plenty of fault here, and LOTS of denial to justify her actions. I have never agreed with this whole situation with her from day one. But she's my friend since we were in the 3rd grade and I love her. I love her enough to tell her when she's wrong, just like she would do to me. My "hope" was if the wife threw him out over this, he would be to mad at "sandy" to even try to go back to her. But, who knows... such a messed up situation. It is clear that you love your friend and are having trouble with the entire situation, otherwise you would not have posted this. But, as I said before, your involvement ends with her. Therefore your actions should end there as well. The best you can do is help her move forward and rid herself of this nightmare. Let karma deal with this loser, as I am sure she will not be the last woman he seeks outside of his marriage. |
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This is exactly why I asked for advice. I really needed some unbiased opinions and thoughts from people who are not involved what so ever. Thank you
You're welcome Jill, and God bless you, I hope that you weigh all that was said here tonight, and what you know in your heart is the right thing to do. Maybe even pray about it, I'm sure you either have the answer now, or you will soon when you wake up tomorrow. But there are alot of people that care about your problem here and do want to give you the best advice, even if there are differing opinions. But in the end, you will decide what is right, and I hope that somehow some or most or all of our advice may prove useful to you in this.
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This is exactly why I asked for advice. I really needed some unbiased opinions and thoughts from people who are not involved what so ever. Thank you
You're welcome Jill, and God bless you, I hope that you weigh all that was said here tonight, and what you know in your heart is the right thing to do. Maybe even pray about it, I'm sure you either have the answer now, or you will soon when you wake up tomorrow. But there are alot of people that care about your problem here and do want to give you the best advice, even if there are differing opinions. But in the end, you will decide what is right, and I hope that somehow some or most or all of our advice may prove useful to you in this.
See, I knew I came to the right place 
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my exhusband cheated on me when we were together. didn't know for sure till we were separated for different reasons. course after i left him, i heard all these stories bout him with other girls. IF i had heard these stories while we were together, i probably would have denied it even tho they rang true to what i was thinking. i would have left him a lot sooner. i say tell the wife.
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my exhusband cheated on me when we were together. didn't know for sure till we were separated for different reasons. course after i left him, i heard all these stories bout him with other girls. IF i had heard these stories while we were together, i probably would have denied it even tho they rang true to what i was thinking. i would have left him a lot sooner. i say tell the wife. |
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I will add my voice to those who suggest staying out of it.
Rarely does anything good come out of trying to "stick it" to another human being. There are all sorts of unforseeable and potentially very harmful consequences. As an extreme case - the guy could turn out to be psychotic take a bunch of drugs and come gunning for you with real guns and with his wife's enthusiastic assistance - and with his family in the back of a pickup truck. It could affect you and your friend and your family. In another scenario, the wife is unstable and gets depressed and harms herself. There are other people who might be affected such as kids. I will end with a quote: "One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say." - Will Durant |
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Edited by
Jill298
on
Thu 04/29/10 01:52 AM
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there's such a large scenario of things that can happen. I think she will eventually find out. But I'm starting to feel that it shouldn't come from me. I'm just to uninformed about her side of the situation.
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yes because i suspected that he was cheating. when i would ask him about the details of where he had been he always accused me of cheating. which i wasn't. if someone told me that they had saw him or their friend had been with him, i wouldnt have wanted to believe it even tho i knew it was true. only because it meant that my husband who said that he wants only me, was lying. its hell to find out that the one you are commited too is a b@stard.
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Edited by
Jill298
on
Thu 04/29/10 02:30 AM
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yes because i suspected that he was cheating. when i would ask him about the details of where he had been he always accused me of cheating. which i wasn't. if someone told me that they had saw him or their friend had been with him, i wouldnt have wanted to believe it even tho i knew it was true. only because it meant that my husband who said that he wants only me, was lying. its hell to find out that the one you are commited too is a b@stard. |
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in hindsight, i realize that he was (and still is) a manipulator. at the time i was too in love either with him or maybe the idea of being in love, to this day i'm not sure which. still, having been in the position of the 'wife' i say tell her. at some level, she knows that her husband isnt being faithful. i'm curious as to why they did get married after living together for so long.
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my exhusband cheated on me when we were together. didn't know for sure till we were separated for different reasons. course after i left him, i heard all these stories bout him with other girls. IF i had heard these stories while we were together, i probably would have denied it even tho they rang true to what i was thinking. i would have left him a lot sooner. i say tell the wife. hey i had kicked my ex hubby out of the house 4 differnt times and the 4th was the final straw i knew he was cheating and i was just to dang blind to see it. or do anything about it.. he even tried to get my bestfriend in bed with him. i let her stay with us for she was having problens in her marriage and i was pg with my son at the time he tried all nite to get down her pants and she was brushing him away all nite. she had a class she had to go to the next morn and she called me snd told me what he tried and while i was on the phone with her i confronted him and of course he was laughing and denied it i told him i belive her more than i did him for i knew him better he didnt say much after that... he on his 2nd marriage and im sure he hasent changed.. she can put up with his crap... i put up with it for 2yrs and his 2nd wife has put up with it 19-20yrs... |
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my ex is engaged. he and his fiancee have been together bout 3 years. when i first met her a couple of years ago, i tried to let her know how he really was. she didnt want to hear it. so i kept my mouth shut. saw them a couple of weeks ago, she didnt seem as happy. kinda withdrawn. guess she's seeing his true colors now. feel bad for her but still glad that he is her problem and not mine. sorry OP, went a lil off topic
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my ex is engaged. he and his fiancee have been together bout 3 years. when i first met her a couple of years ago, i tried to let her know how he really was. she didnt want to hear it. so i kept my mouth shut. saw them a couple of weeks ago, she didnt seem as happy. kinda withdrawn. guess she's seeing his true colors now. feel bad for her but still glad that he is her problem and not mine. sorry OP, went a lil off topic
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Edited by
Seakolony
on
Thu 04/29/10 04:55 AM
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OK guys, I need some advice on what to do here and what better place than here?  So here's some of the background... Sorry this is a bit long... 
My long time friend has been dating this guy on and off for about 3 years. In this time I could plainly see he's lied to her, strung her along, plain out BS her, and she fell for it hook line and sinker every time. She drives me nuts!  but that's a whole different story. I have hated this man all 3 of these years.
He's been living with his "baby mama" but keeps telling my friend "it's just so he can see his kids. I just sleep on the couch, I can't stand her" And all those other lies. He does his late night visits to my friend's house and of course goes back home. Keeps stringing her along how he loves her, and she just needs to wait it out for the right time when he can leave her, etc etc etc. And again, she falls for it. He would give her a date that he's moving out of his "baby mamas" house and then of course, that date would come and go and there's always another excuse. This has been going on for years. He would even go as far as to when she would FINALLY start talking to another guy, he would make her feel guilty because she's supposed to love him. She promised to wait for him. He would guilt her into getting rid of any new guy that came along in all this. All the while, he's the cheating no good rotten scoundral 
Now, I agree she's stupid for falling for it. No one is disputing that. She even has finally realized how stupid she is when it comes to him. But apparently he was just at her house last week, for his little late night visits. And then she finds out yesterday that he actually married his "baby mama" over a month ago, which of course he was never sleeping with and he can't stand her... OMG I hate this man! 
Why bother getting married if you can't even stay faithful for your first month? He had NO INTENTIONS on staying faithful to his wife, and lord only knows what lies he's been telling to her to get her to marry him. I feel so bad for his wife and kids as well. So, like I said, I'm not asking about my friend, I already know she needs help and has her own issues to deal with. My question is... His wife is on another "social networking site". I was thinking about contacting her and telling her what's been going on. I don't really want to but in but I feel she has the right to know what her husband and father of her children is out doing while she's at work... supporting the family. Because of course, he doesn't work.
I think he deserves to be thrown out on his AZZ and not have a chance with either one of them! Whether she leaves him or not is up to her, but I think she deserves to know all of the information so she can make her own decisions. Sooo... thanks for reading my long rant! Should I take it upon myself to contact his wife??? On one hand I understand where you are coming from. His apparent wife has been with him three years to and they have children together. I just would not be the one to tell her. 1- The children and family unit are apparently happy right now. Even though you dislike this man immensely, and believe me saying leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but is it fair to destroy the children at this time if it is over? 2- The honesty that every relationship derserves needs to be considered as well as the fact that she may not believe you herself. This could lead to many things that you may not know about this woman. Like her finding out it was your friend and striking out at her. People have reacted badly in less severe emotional breakdowns as cheating. I guess what I am trying to say, is, whatever your decision make sure you consider all the consequences and not just what may happen to this man. |
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This situation is a pile of S**T, and it will only stink worse, and cover everyone involved if it is poked with a stick. I would just leave it alone.
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