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| Topic: relationships... | |
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to me fwb is just their way of sayin your good enough to screw but not good enough to settle down with ,which is a put down in a way...if i find it leaning that way i stop the benifits and see how much they like hanging around then... might as well just call it a one nite stand and move on.. 
Yeah, basically you're right on target. But, if both parties agrees & sticks to that then nobody get's hurt. JMHO |
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The guy I was with wanted to take our FWB to a new level & instead of just being friends with benefits he wanted us to enter into a more loving relationship I guess. Dating the whole nine yards. Maybe he had feelings beforehand & didn't admit it at the beginning. This was someone I'd know for 2 years prior & that may have had something to do with it. Maybe I was just that damned good!! (doubtful)
 Heck if I know! I'm not one to enter a relationship like this often but have done so a few times.
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to me fwb is just their way of sayin your good enough to screw but not good enough to settle down with ,which is a put down in a way...if i find it leaning that way i stop the benifits and see how much they like hanging around then... might as well just call it a one nite stand and move on..
Yeah, basically you're right on target. But, if both parties agrees & sticks to that then nobody get's hurt. JMHO naaa, my fwb was a great connection, one of the few who truly knew me. We were both recently out of relationships, we were both a mess and we knew we weren't any good for anyone else at that time, we went with the flow and no one ever got hurt and we ended it peacefully. He was a dear friend..and he's dead now..I miss the friend, not the lover. |
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to me fwb is just their way of sayin your good enough to screw but not good enough to settle down with ,which is a put down in a way...if i find it leaning that way i stop the benifits and see how much they like hanging around then... might as well just call it a one nite stand and move on..
Yeah, basically you're right on target. But, if both parties agrees & sticks to that then nobody get's hurt. JMHO You, know FWB isn't for everyone & if it's not your thing don't get involved in one. But, for some they prefer the detachment factor. Lately I have been thinking differently & am not into a FWB at this time & don't plan to get involved in one again. Because I've realized they don't always work & I'm starting to want a real relationship with someone. Just haven't found that person yet & just because I'm 43 doesn't mean I'm sexually dead yet!
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im not knocking anybody...
ive had my share of them back in the day.....i just think that one person is always hopeful for better things but dont push it because of fear of scaring the other off...that to me isnt healthy.. and i do believe fwb is a form of disconnect from our feelings(becoming indifferent)from allowing ourselves to feel at a deeper level.....i did this very thing to the point i questioned if i could love at all.... i know better now and i just caution anyone that practices this..... i say this out of love for my fellow humans...to deny yourself that connection is to deny your humanity and yourself.... 
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im not knocking anybody... ive had my share of them back in the day.....i just think that one person is always hopeful for better things but dont push it because of fear of scaring the other off...that to me isnt healthy.. and i do believe fwb is a form of disconnect from our feelings(becoming indifferent)from allowing ourselves to feel at a deeper level.....i did this very thing to the point i questioned if i could love at all.... i know better now and i just caution anyone that practices this..... i say this out of love for my fellow humans...to deny yourself that connection is to deny your humanity and yourself....
You have some very valid points & I'll be the first to admit that's why I found a FWB relationship so appealing. I didn't want to care for someone at a deeper level & this was a form of detachment. After my split with my ex I didn't want to love again. Hell, I felt I'd failed as a wife & mother what could I possibly have to offer someone now? |
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FWB's are for suckas!!! Try orgies!
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im not knocking anybody... ive had my share of them back in the day.....i just think that one person is always hopeful for better things but dont push it because of fear of scaring the other off...that to me isnt healthy.. and i do believe fwb is a form of disconnect from our feelings(becoming indifferent)from allowing ourselves to feel at a deeper level.....i did this very thing to the point i questioned if i could love at all.... i know better now and i just caution anyone that practices this..... i say this out of love for my fellow humans...to deny yourself that connection is to deny your humanity and yourself....
a time and space for all things.... |
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i commend your honesty tessa...
honesty is how i broke the fear of being hurt ,self judgment from"failing" willingness to put my feelings out there and try wether i get hurt or not..it wasnt easy and ive been hurt along the way but it has allowed me to learn and grow and to become a better person.
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Edited by
Tessa02
on
Thu 04/08/10 08:35 PM
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i commend your honesty tessa... honesty is how i broke the fear of being hurt ,self judgment from"failing" willingness to put my feelings out there and try wether i get hurt or not..it wasnt easy and ive been hurt along the way but it has allowed me to learn and grow and to become a better person.
Bedlam, I'm not sure if you've seen other post where I've mentioned my past drug & alcohol addiction. But, in the past 2 years I have to be honest with myself & others or I'll fall back into that routine again & I never want to live that hell again!! I won't say I'm yet 100% honest but I'm working on it now!!! lol I'm pretty much an open book & can't let my shame prevent me from living a normal life once again. Another thing I need to change is the types of relationships I get myself into!!
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i commend your honesty tessa... honesty is how i broke the fear of being hurt ,self judgment from"failing" willingness to put my feelings out there and try wether i get hurt or not..it wasnt easy and ive been hurt along the way but it has allowed me to learn and grow and to become a better person.
Bedlam, I'm not sure if you've seen other post where I've mentioned my past drug & alcohol addiction. But, in the past 2 years I have to be honest with myself & others or I'll fall back into that routine again & I never want to live that hell again!! I won't say I'm yet 100% honest but I'm working on it now!!! lol I'm pretty much an open book & can't let my shame prevent me from living a normal life once again. Another thing I need to change is the types of relationships I get myself into!!
if you dont mind me sayin this.....i recomend reading a book by ...don migual ruis.......its called "the 4 agreements" i try my best to live by it....it is not religious or recovery reading...it is reading for your mind.... i havent had an urge or desire to drink at all since the first 2 months of sobtiety... |
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i commend your honesty tessa... honesty is how i broke the fear of being hurt ,self judgment from"failing" willingness to put my feelings out there and try wether i get hurt or not..it wasnt easy and ive been hurt along the way but it has allowed me to learn and grow and to become a better person.
Bedlam, I'm not sure if you've seen other post where I've mentioned my past drug & alcohol addiction. But, in the past 2 years I have to be honest with myself & others or I'll fall back into that routine again & I never want to live that hell again!! I won't say I'm yet 100% honest but I'm working on it now!!! lol I'm pretty much an open book & can't let my shame prevent me from living a normal life once again. Another thing I need to change is the types of relationships I get myself into!!
if you dont mind me sayin this.....i recomend reading a book by ...don migual ruis.......its called "the 4 agreements" i try my best to live by it....it is not religious or recovery reading...it is reading for your mind.... i havent had an urge or desire to drink at all since the first 2 months of sobtiety... I'll look it up. Thx |
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live laugh love...yw
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to me fwb is just their way of sayin your good enough to screw but not good enough to settle down with ,which is a put down in a way...if i find it leaning that way i stop the benifits and see how much they like hanging around then... might as well just call it a one nite stand and move on..
Yeah, basically you're right on target. But, if both parties agrees & sticks to that then nobody get's hurt. JMHO naaa, my fwb was a great connection, one of the few who truly knew me. We were both recently out of relationships, we were both a mess and we knew we weren't any good for anyone else at that time, we went with the flow and no one ever got hurt and we ended it peacefully. He was a dear friend..and he's dead now..I miss the friend, not the lover. |
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im not knocking anybody... ive had my share of them back in the day.....i just think that one person is always hopeful for better things but dont push it because of fear of scaring the other off...that to me isnt healthy.. and i do believe fwb is a form of disconnect from our feelings(becoming indifferent)from allowing ourselves to feel at a deeper level.....i did this very thing to the point i questioned if i could love at all.... i know better now and i just caution anyone that practices this..... i say this out of love for my fellow humans...to deny yourself that connection is to deny your humanity and yourself....
for me... i lost interest cause it ties up my time... and he seemed to want more and more of it.. not what i was ever interested in... |
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im not knocking anybody... ive had my share of them back in the day.....i just think that one person is always hopeful for better things but dont push it because of fear of scaring the other off...that to me isnt healthy.. and i do believe fwb is a form of disconnect from our feelings(becoming indifferent)from allowing ourselves to feel at a deeper level.....i did this very thing to the point i questioned if i could love at all.... i know better now and i just caution anyone that practices this..... i say this out of love for my fellow humans...to deny yourself that connection is to deny your humanity and yourself....
Everyone gets to experience their own experiences...just because yours was not so great and you felt disconnected doesn't mean that is how it was or will be for others. To deny ourselves any experience where we can grow, expand and learn is to truly deny our humanity and ourselves.
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