I hope that I'm not posting this in the wrong place. Just need to vent please. I met a girl 15 months ago, she was in a bad relationship,had a huskie, was losing her apt., so I offered her a room in my house, $500 a month, meals, cable, gas, electric, included. I also told her she could bring her dog, I have 2 huskies,use the back yard for it, I've bought all the dog food for the past 15 months, took all the dogs to the vet and paid for all the shots. Now I know it sounds like I'm a sucker, but she is only 25, I am almost twice her age, but I didnt have any close girlfriends, and it felt so good to have someone to confide in. My only rule for the house was that my sons and their friends were off limits. It took only a couple of months for her to go after one of my sons friends. 12 mos later, she has had over 9 guys in my house. I told her she had to move out. She says that she's the victim because I threw her out. I feel so stupid, so used. I allowed myself to be in this position. How can I be a friend again to anyone when she took advantage of me? Today I lost what I thought was a friend. Today she lost what she thought was a meal ticket. I have been through much sh_t, this too shall pass. Sometimes it just feels better to write it down. Thanks for letting me vent. Mary

Mary,

Changing who you are because someone hurt you seems like the thing to do but don't let people control who you are. Be just who you are and choose your friends more carefully. It is her loss and you will be better for your giving.

thank you for your kind words. A friend is very hard to find and when you think you have found one, you give of yourself completely. My heart hurts today. But I'm going to save it for someone who knows that.

You made a mistake. It's okay. Everybody makes them. Learn from it and move on. Don't let past errors ruin your life.

you have every right to kick her out for she didnt go by your rules
and what you should do if you still have the copy of the vet bill..
send her a copy for her to pay you back.. even if it means taking her to court

Your life is not defined by how others affect you.

Your life is defined by how you affect others. You did a good thing. Be proud of that and grow.

You said it more beautifully than I could. Thank you.

you did everything right for what a friend really is, and most of us who have a concience would appreciate that, but there are certain people in user mode, and will say things to actually make you feel guilty. the most common line i've heard is....after all i've done for you! you do this!!!!

i ask, well, ok....what did you do? i want a list. they usually then just vent to all their friends about how cruel you are.....

it's all bantha fodder, don't worry about her, or it.

and.....they'll never write that list....

the most important or significant lesson learn here is that you helped ..you shared ..you provide shelter and security but guess what some people just don't know what they want .. the more good you do the more blessings you will get

You did what your beliefs told you was the right thing to do in the circumstances. It sounds as if she may have been a bit more 'street smart' than you, and read you better than you read her. It happens. The important thing is that you tried to help someone you believed needed help - and they abused your trust. That said, move on. Put it in the 'lessons learned' or 'after-action' files and keep it handy for the next time ... if there is a 'next time'. Some people just play others - it's part of life. You still tried to help her - and it didn't work out the way you thought it would. Time to move on - don't look back.

By remembering that not everyone is the same- some people can be trusted, some can't. If you start lumping everyone together and believing that everyone is a liar and a user like she is, you'll only begin to draw those people to you. Sorry you had a bad experience, best of luck to you in the future.

Dear Mary, I took a girl, her 17 year old son, and her two dogs in two years ago when she was kicked out of her boyfriend's house next door. She had 3 days to get out of there and nowhere to go. I took her in for $300/month including everything. She was about 10 years younger than me. We bonded right away. After several months went by things were really wearing on me. There were times she wouldn't come home for days at a time. I was left cooking for her son and my two children, and groceries alone ate up the $250 she paid me each month. She began to give excuses in order to pay less rent or pay the rent late.

Long story short, I found out she was doing drugs. I immediately had to kick her out. I trusted the wrong person. I felt a great loss but did what was right for my kids and myself. She moved right back in with her boyfriend, but I was left with the mess. She basically used me. She ended up using him, too. She now is all messed up and has lost everything-god knows where she is now.

You will trust again and care about people again. I know it hurts. I was devastated when this happened to me. She was like a sister. Take it one day at a time, and let yourself heal. You can do it. I hope this helps.

you have described this situation to a t. she hadnt come home for days. I ended up walking and feeding her dog for over a year. when she would come in, the dog wouldnt even go up to her,with me, the husky would go crazy. I think the hardest part for me is that the dog is going to miss my dogs and is an innocent in all of this. the food bills were crazy, everyone smoking and eating all of my food.

to all of the people who have commented: I appreciate what you have said here. In my head I know that you are right, I will not lump everyone together because that would be just ignorant. I will be a friend again, because that is who I am. When I go to sleep at night I know that my conscience is clear. the things that people are saying about me right now, (common acquaintances) are horrible, but their opinions have no value. I will learn my lesson. I have alot to offer. I am a good person. I'll move on.

Youre really good people. thank you. Mary

You're a good person who went out of your way to help another. I hope you don't allow this bad experience change who you are.

perfectly said!