the other day my friend had her daughter with her at work because her daughter had got another detention at school and her daughter was arguing with her mother because what had happen at school and my friend was SO embarrass with the way her daughter was acting at work, to day my friend talk to me about what has been going on with jer amd her daughter she just split up with her husband so there in a bad divorce and her daughter is not helping at all,

she is talking back real bad with her mother and she will not do what she is told at all, her mother will ask her to clean up her room and she will argue about it, she would be told no more tv and she will argue about it, then her mother would take some of her fav things away and all she does is fight and cry about it, and i am not sure what to tell my friend what to do about it, and her daughter just started school this year so she is in first so you know,

any advice would be great

Send her to live with daddy! That should tighten her up. That or mom needs to apply some hand to the side of her daughter's face. There is no excuse for belligerent behavior.

Oh but that is my take on it only. Really I don't have enough info on the situation but there are times you got to as a parent put your foot down and put a kid in check and I can say reality is a hard wake up call for kids.

I don't buy that Dr. Spock crap myself. There is a time for letting a child have it but there are no real guide lines to go by. Every case is different. Tough call to make really. Generation X... you are part of the reason I don't want to have kids right now! Pack of spoiled, go nowhere LOOSERS! Get a JOB! So this is the face of our future??? And I thought Acne was bad!

Jeez...let me think....whack the **** out of her...that will straighten her out

I would say she is probably having problems with the break up of the parents. If tthe mom can afford it or has insurance I would think about some counseling it would probably really help at that age it is all really play theropy the kids dont even realize it is happening if you have a good one. and it really work I have seen it. Other wise I would say she really needs to try talking to her more about the split up and have the dadd do the same. Also there maybe a school couseler that maybe able to help and talk to the teacher make sure there isnt any one picking on her at school every time we have had these problem with any kids in my family there was always something causing it.

Mom & daughter therapy!!

She could just be a typical teen

they are a sub-species all their own!

I agree with this reply. Counseling would do some good.

As for posts of abusing the child, I dont agree with that, that will just make the situation worse. Hitting a child just makes them go further and further away from the parent and is NOT a good form of punishment.

Stand firm with the child. If you take away the tv or the the childs favorit toys (or whatever), stand firm with it, dont break and give it back because the child is crying or throwing a fit. Once you break, the child knows from then on that you are not serious and the child can get away with anything.

Time outs are a good thing at a younger age. One minute in the corner for each year of the childs age works real well. I have used these on my girls with great results.

GREAT ADVISE,,,,,

Her Mother unfortunately,has already allowed her daughter to BE THIS CHILD,,,and through anything they do NOW,,,she will KNOW what her mom has let her get-by with before,,and NOW with the split-up heavy on her mind as well as her moms,,she is REALLY BEING HER WORST..Communications only WORK,,when you have BOTH WANTING IT TO WORKOUT,,,,her Daughter,,is NOT wanting THAT!
Her daughter is ONLY ABOUT HER GRIEF RIGHT NOW, and her getting her way....IF the dad has weight against her,,HE MAY BE ABLE TO HELP HER,,,but if HE'S nnot willing to try,,,then she needs to know,,fromHERE ON OUT,,SHE,(MOM)Is the ONLY ONE IN CHARGE of her daughter and its soely up to HER to stick to her guns,,POSITIVELY
in the DEMANDS she exspects fromher daughter to do...
Through a constant CHECK-ON,,and watching over the things she says she takes fromher daughter doing or using,,,IF THE DAUGHTER CAN STILL SNEEK AND DO THEM,,,THEN IN HER DAUGHTERS MIND,,,MOM WILL STAY A """SO-WHAT""" in her daughters mind of thinking,,in other words,,,if mom fails at supervising her restrictions,,then SHAME ON MOM,,,as the daughter will never learn from THAT...
Her daughter has to FEEL,,,her MOTHERS ABILTIES TO RULE HER LIFE WHILE WITH HER,,,and THEN,,,the daughter will decide to go live with dad,,or mind her MOMs wishes...and TRUST ME HERE,,,it will NOT get any easier after the split,,,as this young lady will USE that as her grounds to get her way..
KNOW THIS ALSO,,its NOT her daughter who is at fault here,,it is years of allowing HER to become THIS type of person with her mom.
Its her age right now and feeling lost as they split-up,,along with all and ANY restrictions from her daughter having THE MOTHER NEEDS TO GIVE HER DAUGHTER JUST AS MUCH TIME,LOVE COMPASSION AND TRUST,,as SHE CAN GIVE to make her daughter know its for HER that her Mother cares most ABOUT...and her life to live after she grows..
counseling is a must,,,but like I said,,,getting her daughter to WANT to do THAT,,will be tough,,,oh,,she will go to them,,,but she won't listen, care, or believe in them,,,,,
been through all this once..wink GOOD LUCK...with HELPING HER..

Divorce is a fact of life for many families. Kids can feel bad/mad about it, parents can feel bad/mad about it but that does not excuse them from being family; Parent's still have to be parent's and kids still have to be kid's.

Basiclly your friend is going to have to decide what kind of relationship she is going to have with her daughter and stand her ground.I am not suggesting standing on top of her daughter anymore than I am suggesting that allowing her daughter to stand on top of her is acceptable but dies sound like she has to grow a backbown. She is starting pretty late in the game so it is not going to be easy but kids are smart and know when they have run into a brick wall. Mom may have to enlist family, some friends, a sitter, or a counselor but she still need s to run the show not have someone bossing her around. Dention in highschool is a big deal and Mom needs to get serious before her daughter is dumped out of mainstream into alternative school or worse residential treatment. She doesn't have the luxery of boohooing about how her life is falling apart because Prince Uncharming Has bailed out on effective co parenting a long time ago from the sounds of it. I would question if he isn't setting her up for a custody battle or ending up on welfare if she is getting saddled all day with the brat at work.

Teens are pretty bold about pitching and all out assault to get their way again but when your friend is sick and tired of it she can lay down the law. Kids can howl and scream but if you ignore it they will quit in time. When you react rather than act is when they got you. You can't expect a kid to respect you but not respect yourself.

What you can expect if you are not in control of the situation your kid will try to be. Even teenagers need a regular meal and bed time; especially teenagers in emotional distress of a family divorce. Regardless who is responsible for the divorce the kid is showing signs of melt down. Hand wringing is with a friend is ok if it is productive other wise whe needs to get some serious alies such a Rainbows (Divorce Support Group)for kids and TOugh Love Group for Mom through her local United Way referral services council. YWCA is sliding scale as is local county mental health.

First off parenting is not a popularity contest. Your boss doesn't ask you, he tells you and as a parent you tell your kids. It doesn't have to come out "MY way or the Hiway" but calm and emphatic. At least she is on the right track confiding in and adult rather than her kid. Kids need parents to lead them clearly and consisly to what it is that you want them to do. You are in charge. Period. Negoiation is not and option. Bribery is not and option. Bargaining is not and option. And pretending not to see what you know is going on is not going to work. In most cases the reward of having shelter , food, and other basic necessities is the deal. That is real life. You pay the bills and you provide the needs while they earn the wants with above average behavior. When they do not do what they are told then you have to absolutely stop the wants until they straighten up. Threats and argueing are a waste of energy. Kids will know when they are getting you down before you will. They are certainly stronger in many cases. Ninty nine percent of the time all argueing is, is a stall, tactic and you have to fight the battle later so get to the bottom line fast and when they do not comply then have consequence. Cut off the cell, cable tv, having internet time, free taxi service, going out with friends to where ever. Good parents check up on their kids and grow eyes in the back of their head.

Example A; Cleaning their space in your house,; note the mind set. Parent tells child the basic standards; clothes hung up or folded neatly in dressers, shoes stored, toys stowed, floor clear, bed made, trash emptied, laundry in the hamper DAILEY. What is not taken care of is confiscated until it is earned back by doing extra work for the parent; if they get it back at all. It helps if the Parent sets the example and the kid has the basic containers they need but it is not required. Most kids have way more stuff than they need and it will be amazeing how fast things will cease to stay on the floor when they simply disappear for being there. Bed doesn't get made then let them sleep with no pillow or covers a couple nights. (Most homes are not unbearably cold so it is really a luxery to have them for comfort. Doors get slammed or locked in tantrums take them of the hinges. They make a mess or break stuff sell their "toys" in a yard sale to pay towards repairs.

Eample B Detention in School Equals Detention at home if not double. Scrubbing floors, pulling weeds, all the yucky chores. Make her write a letter of apology to her teachers. And do extra homework. Usually if they are showing out at school there shoudl be a reason make her write and essay about it for a college application. One thing for sure is No way they lay in the bed all day or go to work and show out or get attention. No eating out with Mom when a stale brownbag sandwich they pack for themself or go hungry. And certainly no soda's or snacks. No entertainments, no video, texting, or earphones and a DVD; if they have to set and copy a dictionary in the corner so be it. This Mother should not be embarrassed that the kid is suspended. She didn't tell this brat to do whatever she did but she should be embarrassed to make her kid a distraction to her coworkers.

Tell her you care but don't make excuses for her. Sympathy is a luxery she really can't afford for her own sake or her daughters.

The child is in first grade, all kids can and do act out, but it's a parents duty to set the boundaries and rules.

Must be hard on the child but let's not forget this is a child, a child that if she's not shown, taught and given rules to follow their attitudes only progress and get worse.

Wish them both luck!

she most likely just needs time to adjust to the new situation she probably feels like its her fault for the split up children do that alot, the best thing you can do is make sure she knows that even tho mommy and daddy dont love each other no more they both still love her.

I am a single mom of an 11 year old daughter who wants to be the mom...lmao.

So...I let her be the mom for a day...took away all her toys and beautiful clothes. She had to wear rags like I do (because mom's sacrifice nice things for their kid's and priviledges)

I removed all the money from her piggy bank...because I'm usually broke at the end of the day

I let her do all the housework...cuz that's what I do

I let her cook me my favorite meal (I soooo love liver and onions!!)and sit with me at the dinner table while I told her my life problems!

I went to a neighbor's and let her worry about when I would be home..

this was the best day of my life!!!

Unfortunately...it was her worst nightmare (although never mine)...she's a really cool kid these days, I must say...very respectful!

In my opinion...if a child is going to try to run the show and be the parent...they need to know what they're in for!!

Get creative with this scenario and let us know how it turns out...

coddeling the kids too much is what is wrong with the kids today...plain and simple if i talked back or yelled at my mom i would have been smacked in the mouth and sent to my room...and she was in her right...taught me to show some respect...kids are more resillient than these premadona child counselors want to believe..it the people tellin the kids constantly that somethings wrong that should be punished

These kids are NOT the same as we were and our world is not the same...
I would think you would know that Bedlum.

they are just like we were ...just raised different....the world hasnt changed....we have...

We are the world...

..first of all i would not suggest hitting the child,at best a time out..and then a heart to heart conversation,but approach the conversation on a nice quiet friendly term...kids want to be loved

and they want to love,make her feel that mom needs her help ..not mom is making her help..make her feel compassion rather than resentment,make her feel like you are in it together,,and ask them to do things not tell them..if you can open this type of communication it will work wonders through out the years..

i've raised my son on my own for the past eight years and we have a very good relationship..he is almost nineteen..there isnt a day i don't tell him that i love him..i've had to be both father and mother over the years..altho my cooking sucks.

i'm not saying there isn't times you have to put your foot down ..it's just all in how you do it..my son is very respectful,honest and rather a handsome young man,i raised him old school,he pulls the chair out for his girlfriend and he knows that a handshake is your word..love

A good @ss whooping is in order...that works...I know from experience...time outs don't work!!!!

then we need to get back to basics

Like smacking kids in the mouth...

they are just like we were ...just raised different....the world hasnt changed....we have...


We are the world...
then we need to get back to basics


Like smacking kids in the mouth...
if its really needed and all else fails.....YES...
we agree on a lot of stuff lady but everyone doesnt agree on everything...i respect your opine and your stand ...
this is one thing we just dont agree on..
i still luvs ya though