Ok, so we have this 81 year old friend who always would joke about having her martini. Last few winters I would take her around so she could buy yarn to crochet with, and she would be making all sorts of things. During the last 6 months or so, we have noticed she hasn't been doing this, her money is all out of order and unbeknownst to each other, we've all been taking her to buy vodka and brandy- and not the qt size. Since the last 3 weeks, I know for a fact she has gone through 2 med size bottle of brandy, 3 large bottles of vodca and a bottle of wine, there was a bottle of vermouth in there too.
Her friend (78) talked to the Pastor and he suggested we all sit down and do a intervention this Friday.
Do these things work, how and what do you say to a friend? If we don't take her, she'll go and cross a major highway with her scooter to get her supply. We're all very concerned about her. We each talked to her a little over the last 2 weeks or so and she doesn't seem to grasp it. I dont know if she is in denial, or we're doing it wrong. Any suggestions on how to go about this?

sometimes it works, but sometimes it backfires. If someone doesn't want help or not ready for it, then nothing you do will work.

An alcoholic or an addict needs to hit bottom before they'll admit they need help. The purpose of an intervention is to have the bottom come to them. It'll only work if everybody involves can agree to not enable her, cut off all support...and stick with it. If that doesn't happen it'll just be a waste of time.

well, i dont know that this is the most popular answer or rather a question....why? this person has lived their life....

It's like telling a puppy NO.Just say no(help from you)Addiction is harder than(well watching a loved one die)(in front of your eyes)GOOD Luck.No means NO

I agree with this

Yes they do work, but ONLY IF the person is ready. Go to this site for more information:

http://nationalinterventionreferral.org/intervention.php

Best of luck and I hope everything turns out well

what's with the boot? i dont get it

Scooter.

alright, i'm audi then

So what do you mean 'have the bottom come to them'?. The advice about everyone agreeing not to help her is good, we've all been enabling her, even with help paying her bills when she has spent money that should have been there for auto bill. It's a real fine line.

I have no helpful hints about interventions. I do have a question that should be asked before this should take place.
First, do you or another friend know her Doctor? If so maybe he should be contacted. Or an appointment for the friend to get checked out should be made before the intervention. A medical reason for her increased self medicating might be the cause for the increase in consumption. For example, she might be in pain that she hasnt told anyone about. Another reason is that senior dementia or alzheimers is making her forget how much she is actually drinking. ( This is what my Uncle did ) And a trip to the Doctor's office might solve the excess drinking problem.

Good luck either way.

Thank you for this, and thanks everyone. Marge really is a good friend, i call her a few nights a week to see how she is. She always sounds good, relaxed but I realize she doesn't remember the conversations. She already has memory problems. There is only one time, recently, when I talked to her and realized she was really trashed. Makes me so sad.

I can't speak for Dict8, but IMO forcing the bottom to go to her means, letting her know you won't support her habit or enable her anymore. But everyone has to stick to that (as previously said)

So instead of just letting rock bottom happen in time, you are bringing it to her.

After that, she will have to want help before she will get help/

I do wish her the best. My grandpa was an alcoholic and his organs started shutting down. He would drink mouth wash or anything with alcohol that he could find, when he couldn't get beer or whatever

People are enabling her. The intervention will let reality come to the surface and she will realize that she needs to change (sink or swim). It will be a much needed wake-up call for her. The intervention specialist will help you with this process. Just make sure that everyone has their ducks in a row before doing the intervention, but the specialist should check to make sure that everything is cool before anything takes place.

This is something we didn't think of. She has gotten worse with her memory, ALWAYS leaving her keys somewhere, forgetting how to do things and I was chalking it up to her increased drinking and her age. If the "I" doesn't work, that could be step 2. She's never complained about pain, is in the midle of getting her catarcts removed. She recently gave up going to the casinos- but I wondered quietly if something had happened she didn't tell us. Muriel did talk to her about that a few times, so who knows. And NO,WCWM, I don't want to see her die that way, horrifically. We can be strong for her. She started the meal program 14 years ago by feeding one hungry guy.

I am so sorry to her about your grandpa. My mom drank seriously for about 15 years and then one day up and quit. Something happened there too, but she died when I was 31 so I'll never get the chance to ask her. So after we do this, do we tell her we will be there for her, she can call or we'll call her? If she ignores us, God, I don't know what to do. I know she'll be very embarrassed and no one else is going to know about this, to save face. (hers). God, i don't want to get involved with this, I know she'll be tremedously hurt.

Will check this site out a little later, thank you.

tough love.....sometimes you have to do it. Just keep in mind unless she wants help, she won't get it. But you can at least say you did all you could do.....that's how I think of it any way