Im not really sure what the point of this post is, maybe there is no point ladies and gentlemen. And not just to this post but alot of things seem to have no real valid point in this world. For example take cats. Cats while they make great pets have no real use. Yes they catch mice occasionally but its more of a myth than you will likely ever see a cat chase a mouse regularly. Take also for example history, we try our best to preserve it without realizing we will not be the last to dig up ruins of civilizations etc. Some day all of this will crumble and humans if we survive said destructive event will rebuild over time, or maybe not.

Christmas came and went this year rather quickly, have you ever felt that brief moment of dread over a holiday. Not because of the people or the wasteful spending or shopping. Or even the obnoxiously bright snow. But just the fact that while others are happy you again are miserable. For lack of better recognition you again are to blame for your loneliness and again you are trapped with the unsettling reality that this is all you have. Your small apartment you pay to much for that youve given up on cleaning for the simple fact no one besides you ever see's it. Spilled bong water overflowing ash trays theres nothing else to see or say. You are utterly alone.

Some times I go for walks at night, not to any were piticular but just randomly walk around. Than you find your self standing at a street corner watching the suns first raise shine over the hills and light begins to emerge from the corners spreading violently down onto the pure glistening frozen streets of Sweet Home Oregon. Thats the one moment that you realize that its ok. All things really do have a purpose and some times that purpose is to make us realize the purpose of other things and to not focus on the details of the task filled days and endless and yet again pointless conversations you will more than likely encounter through your day to come. You look at your watch its 5:15 AM Super Bowel Sunday morning. The first morning Ill actually remember ten years from now. Not one before or sense will be as beautiful and show me that I like every thing else am filled with the certainty that some thing annoying will happen today so enjoy the quiet moment while it lasts.

Fake smiles and morning laughs through strangled yawns wake to early birds dawn. I just made that up, and I dnt even want to begin explaining what the **** it means. I do know one thing though. Who ever has acctually taken the time to read this I am thankfull to you. You are the first person as of today who has listened to me or in this case read me... Like a book

N.D.D.

P.S. To who ever I will someday love, a heads up thank you for tolerating this rant if you ever see it. As for the rest of you . . .