I believe I have somewhere down the line. My mother got dementia and I moved back home with her and dad to take care of her. I put my life on hold cause she needed me more than I needed to date and socialize. After two years of tending to her, my 15 year old son had a stroke. Blew me out of water and nerves shot, he had the hole in his heart plugged and is doing great now, but when he had his operation and I started to settle down, got an call from my dad's doctor that he had cancer in his lymph nodes. So for a year, I couldnt tell you what all was done nor happened. Its a blur now. I lost my mom and dad within four days of each other, another huge blow to the heart. They have been gone for two years now and I still sit in lingo. I have tried to get out and tried to date(was very disappointed there) Everything has changed and I dont have a clue where I am going wrong. I lost me somewhere during them five years and would luv to find her again. Hope this makes sense, if not, I am worser off than I thought. lol

you been through quite the storm,..

first your Mother ,..then your Dad and in beween your son,.. where did you find the strenght to get through,..

and now that you`re on the other side,...you`ve lost your own direction,.your compass,.so to speak,.. naturally,.. I believe,.. after putting own`s life on hold for so long

you`ve probably changed from the person you use to be,..& you need to get to know who that new person is,.. what your needs are and what makes you happy...sacrificing all those yrs for your family,..you lost touch with yourself

I admire such sacrifice and I hope you find yourself again

Thank you for them kind and wise words. I have changed, alot. The only way I got through all that was by the grace of God. I had no one to lean on then but him. My so called friends disappeared. Dont take much to make me happy, but cant seem to make friends. lol

Welcome to Mingle UGOTIT
Sorry hear of the loss of your loved ones. I feel we all come to the point in our lives when our world changes too fast and we get lost. And not knowing which way to turn. May777 is right, get to know the new person inside you. Understand what you want and where you want to have in this new life for you and your son.
Yes the Dateing scene has change. Join in on the Fourms. You may find comfort and good friends. Even someone you can connect with. Wish you well in your quest. It will all fall into place for you.

when I was a tadpole I tried to be everything to everybody just to be accepted and in the end "lost myself" it took 30 plus years and a mirror to discover who I really was. You just have to look past the reflection deep into your soul, you're in there somewhere and you'll be amazed at all the good things you'll find about yourself, expand on those and then go out and have the time of your life, as you have been witness to (sadly) life is far too short not to enjoy it to the fullest....Good luck and be safe.....

The only person who can stop you from being you is you

You have been thru alot, no wonder you have kind of lost yourself.

Your profile says you are tired of being alone, but I would be careful, if I were you. No man is going to help you find the person you were, or want to be.

My advice, find yourself and be in love with yourself, before you get involved in a relationship. Reach out and make connections with old friends, get involved in your community, do some volunteer work, participate in activities that you have put off, or something you have never done before.

While it may feel like you lost yourself, I see it slightly differently. You are who you are, the type of person to put another's needs before your own. Not a bad thing at all in my book but it does have a price, which is what you could be feeling now.

You shouldn't look at it like you put your life on hold. You should feel proud that you lived your life the best way possible, by being there for the people that matter most to you. It's an admirable quality in a person. When you look in the mirror you should be proud of who you see looking back.

That of course doesn't help when you feel lost in this 'new world' and unsure of how to find your way back to yourself. Funny thing about life, it goes forward! The person you "were" has changed, and search all you want, I don't think you'll find her.

My suggestion would be to focus on what really makes you smile, that thing that just does it for you, and start there. Whether that's volunteering at the children's hospital, or starting a new career, or dancing your arse off every Fri. night at the local club, whatever. If you're not sure what you like to do, pick something that sounds interesting and try it!

Hope this helps. Good luck in finding happiness!

i just thought of another word,..( and I`m not saying it applies in this situation,.. ) co- dependent,..

looking after other peoples` needs -- gives our lives meaning,..but when it comes to our own,..we`re lost ,.we don`t know what to do,..and considering the difficult situation you been through,,.

Melody Beattie wrote a really good book called Co-dependent No more

Can I just say to you that WE ALL,,,GET LOST, at some POINT of our ways.
It may be through all that we FEEL is so over-powering, or it may just be because we FEEL,,we just CANNOT,,,shake off all that WE CARRY,,,everyday.....
I am sorry YOU have had all this to go through..And to do it ALONE.
IS,,,,very demanding and FEELING,,unrewarded for all the pain and tears that have been used through all your ACTS of caring..
I have felt lost,,,FROM PEOPLE,,,FRIENDS,,,and that feeling of being ALONE,,,it haunts me NOW...And it MAKES ME FEEL,,,,Lost,,un-loved by a HER,lol,,and sharing that feeling of NEEDED by another,,who really CARES about ME...So,,,,YES,,,,,,
WE ALL have felt your LOST,,,at some points in our living..
I can just try and offer YOU my friendship,,to MAYBE ease some of YOUR feelings of un-cared about, wink...AS I am just a real man on here who believes in LIFE,LOVE and HOPE,,,that we all can and will meet OUR,,,,RIGHT person,,,to share some life with.....

Very good advise right there...

To die: Gone, Nothingness, End of ALL!

To live: Endless abyss of LIVING!


Through THIS life, we ALL SHARE good times and we all share horrors.

Its our own abilities as to where we store these memories.

Move forward, stay idle, or live on, in our pasts.

Many cannot adjust to know where they need to be.

Finding YOUR neutral is imperative to knowing yourself.

You've had enough time to ingest and evaluate your living situration

Turning to your question here, your post.

This is your way of reaching out, your atttempt to find, YOU.

Your experiencing a sort-of mid-life crisis.

Your not Happy. You Feel Alone. Helpless as to, WHAT TO BE FEELING

Life's aging has you now desiring to be MORE..Feel more, have More.

Your true answers to all of this, rests inside your heart and mind.

Your the ONLY ONE, who can find YOU. WE can't help you with THAT.

WE can ONLY assist you in helping you, SEE YOU.

Through the representations that you project to us for viewing.

So NOW to make this all better understood..

Life's a BEACH, and we our but, one grain of sand.

Constantly being tossed about through the currents we live to Feel.

There,,,,didn't all of THIS totally confuse you even MORE?

THEN,,,,THAT MEANS,,,YOUR HUMAN,,,and LEARNING HOW TO SMILE AT YOUR SELF, as WE ALL MUST do. To combat ALL that LIVING INTAILS...

Welcome to the Forums and to this very special site,

That we call, HOME...

After taking care of my husband (he had alzheimers and 2 surgerys) for 7 yrs and then losing him and my mom within 7 mo., I can truely understand how you feel.. that was almost 3 yrs ago and I am still searching but little by little I am learnin who I am.. You have to do one day at a time, find things that interest you, volunteer and try to be around people a lot.... winter is the hardest for me so I try to keep busy...good luck.. there are good people here, let them get to know you thru posting and you will find lots of support...

Thank you all for your replys, gives me alot to think about and have been thinking. Going to start trying different things and rediscover myself again, could be fun. :) Get out and make new friends, meet new people.

I also lost myself at one time in my life

finding "me" once again was a hard but exciting quest

yes you have to get out in the world..... It's scary but should be done!!

Join groups. Meet people make freinds

it's tough I know

don't even get into a relationship with a man until the relationship you have with yourself is good and healthy and strong

good luck to you. You can do it!

Oh well, went to a couple of places this morning to volunteer and they didnt need anyone. lol Will come up with another plan. And I dont mean this in a bad way, but I am not looking for a man nor a relationship right now. I put on here a friend or friends. Male or female. I have to get me straighten out first before I attempt that one. When I took care of my parents, I stopped dating cause I knew I wouldnt be able to give my all to the other, if I found someone, and that wouldnt be fair to neither of us.

You will do it

I'm sure of it

still sending love!!

If you need a friend to talk to,,my hands up..and THIS is not a come-on,,,its a friends invite,Wink..

WOW, I can totally understand the feeling.. Over a yr ago I came to help my cousins wife after he died, then she died 8mo later.. I gave up so much to help her, I moved my children and I in with her, I closed my bead store.. she's been gone almost a yr now and I'm still lost.. In a home that's not mine, In a room that's not mine, I'm surrounded by things that are not mine...(figuratively speaking)... I'm a designer of jewelry and haven't made any in a year, (I can't feel it) I need to go back to my own home.. (hoping to be back to my home by summer after the remodeling is done) anyhow yes, things that happen in our lives "throw" us off.. I can't tell you how to get back on track, how to feel found again... I'm still searching to find me too.. But, during this time I'm learning a lot you learn never to take moments for granted and you learn so much about yourself (know what I mean) I believe things happen for a reason, so I take this time as THE time to learn and grow, even though I feel lost I know not to waste time... Maybe when I get back home I'll find me... Good Luck on your journey... It's not just you, more ppl go through this than will truly admit...

(just had a thought, maybe we need something that TRULY inspires us) My home always inspires me....