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| Topic: Shallow | |
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self honesty,
self respect, COMMUNICATION,COMMITMENT,COMPASSION, AND COMPROMISE IF YOU BOTH HAVE THESE IT WILL WORK.... BUT IT TAKES TWO |
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Cats, I'm not sure "shallow" is the right word. I think most people find it easier to give up than to work at it. No relationship blossoms and grows without a little love, care and work. When things get rough, walking away is easy. That's the sad part. Relationships have become disposable. Peoples feelings and priorities easily replaced. I agree with you there. I have moved on, but I just wonder about why people have to act this way, self-serving, and they think they're the center of the Galaxy. "It just is." I know. |
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I believe their are two answers to this question. So bear with me for a moment.
First of all, people give up so easily because they never really understood what "it" was that got them into the relationship in the first place. Oh, it was a feeling. A moment. And that moment turned into wanting. Wanting to see the person again. Their was newness to it all. It is exciting when you first meet someone. It's like making a discovery of something the likes you have never seen before. And soon after that discovery, you start to think that you have found something..you have found someone. And without any thought or questioning as to why you do feel the way you do, you jump. You take a leap. Why? Because you think you have found something. And, maybe you have. But the problem comes in when the newness wears off. When all that was good in the beginning of the relationship goes by. It passes. And like a boy who plays with a toy that he got for Christmas so many times in a short span of time, he grows bored with it. And that, folks, means that from the very beginning, the relationship was doomed. You can't put forth effort into something that you are bored with. That you just don't want anymore. So you make excuses. You realize that you not only tricked your partner, but you tricked yourself as well. And that is why it is so easy to just give up. You never really invested yourself into the relationship. Giving up seems like the proper course of action, and in alot of cases, it is just. See, the other answer in actually finding something that is true. That is real. That is more than a fleeting thought. You meet that someone special, it isn't just about the newness of it all. It is about how new it will all be after six weeks...six months...a year...and so on and so forth. It is about loving someone so much that you just give yourself to it....and to that other person. You will work hard through any battle that comes your way. You will fight for it when it gets tested. Why? Because the one you love is more than just worth it.....they are worth everything that you have. See, love is giving of yourself, and it takes alot of courage to do that. But...when you find that person who earns it...it can make your whole life even better. Yes, the tough times come, but that is life. Challenges will come. And if you allow life to break you, and the love you have built with that special someone, then you will give in. But I personally feel that true love can withstand anything. I have seen it happen. Their is no such thing as a perfect marriage. However, their is such a thing as a marriage built upon love, and when that love grows...it can be an awesome thing. People don't know what love is anymore. Somewhere along the way, we forgot what it meant to actually cherish that person, to love them until the end, to actually know that they are the one for us. People want to know. They want to believe in it. But they will never know it until they take the time to actually understand it. Basically...if you can give of yourself to someone without question. If you can look at them with love in your eyes day to day and appreciate that they love you the same. If you can laugh through the tough times, cry through the tough times, and love through the tough times with that person. Congrats. For I feel that you just figured out what love is all about. I'll shut up now. 
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I believe their are two answers to this question. So bear with me for a moment. First of all, people give up so easily because they never really understood what "it" was that got them into the relationship in the first place. Oh, it was a feeling. A moment. And that moment turned into wanting. Wanting to see the person again. Their was newness to it all. It is exciting when you first meet someone. It's like making a discovery of something the likes you have never seen before. And soon after that discovery, you start to think that you have found something..you have found someone. And without any thought or questioning as to why you do feel the way you do, you jump. You take a leap. Why? Because you think you have found something. And, maybe you have. But the problem comes in when the newness wears off. When all that was good in the beginning of the relationship goes by. It passes. And like a boy who plays with a toy that he got for Christmas so many times in a short span of time, he grows bored with it. And that, folks, means that from the very beginning, the relationship was doomed. You can't put forth effort into something that you are bored with. That you just don't want anymore. So you make excuses. You realize that you not only tricked your partner, but you tricked yourself as well. And that is why it is so easy to just give up. You never really invested yourself into the relationship. Giving up seems like the proper course of action, and in alot of cases, it is just. See, the other answer in actually finding something that is true. That is real. That is more than a fleeting thought. You meet that someone special, it isn't just about the newness of it all. It is about how new it will all be after six weeks...six months...a year...and so on and so forth. It is about loving someone so much that you just give yourself to it....and to that other person. You will work hard through any battle that comes your way. You will fight for it when it gets tested. Why? Because the one you love is more than just worth it.....they are worth everything that you have. See, love is giving of yourself, and it takes alot of courage to do that. But...when you find that person who earns it...it can make your whole life even better. Yes, the tough times come, but that is life. Challenges will come. And if you allow life to break you, and the love you have built with that special someone, then you will give in. But I personally feel that true love can withstand anything. I have seen it happen. Their is no such thing as a perfect marriage. However, their is such a thing as a marriage built upon love, and when that love grows...it can be an awesome thing. People don't know what love is anymore. Somewhere along the way, we forgot what it meant to actually cherish that person, to love them until the end, to actually know that they are the one for us. People want to know. They want to believe in it. But they will never know it until they take the time to actually understand it. Basically...if you can give of yourself to someone without question. If you can look at them with love in your eyes day to day and appreciate that they love you the same. If you can laugh through the tough times, cry through the tough times, and love through the tough times with that person. Congrats. For I feel that you just figured out what love is all about. I'll shut up now.
Well said Goof, were all wanting that "colliding of 2 mini universes"... basically were all doing it wrong. 
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Why is it so many people are willing to give up on a relationship for shallow reasons? Is it not a problem that we can't work out or resolve? Do you not have the patience and the resolve to know there's no no challenge we can't face and overcome? Why do so many relationships end over stupid shallow things? It's quite possible some people give a shallow excuse, because they're afraid to admit the *truth*, i.e. there is some other reason for the breakup and they don't want to say what that is (for whatever reason). |
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Hey
I like Goof's answer!!!! 
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I believe their are two answers to this question. So bear with me for a moment. First of all, people give up so easily because they never really understood what "it" was that got them into the relationship in the first place. Oh, it was a feeling. A moment. And that moment turned into wanting. Wanting to see the person again. Their was newness to it all. It is exciting when you first meet someone. It's like making a discovery of something the likes you have never seen before. And soon after that discovery, you start to think that you have found something..you have found someone. And without any thought or questioning as to why you do feel the way you do, you jump. You take a leap. Why? Because you think you have found something. And, maybe you have. But the problem comes in when the newness wears off. When all that was good in the beginning of the relationship goes by. It passes. And like a boy who plays with a toy that he got for Christmas so many times in a short span of time, he grows bored with it. And that, folks, means that from the very beginning, the relationship was doomed. You can't put forth effort into something that you are bored with. That you just don't want anymore. So you make excuses. You realize that you not only tricked your partner, but you tricked yourself as well. And that is why it is so easy to just give up. You never really invested yourself into the relationship. Giving up seems like the proper course of action, and in alot of cases, it is just. See, the other answer in actually finding something that is true. That is real. That is more than a fleeting thought. You meet that someone special, it isn't just about the newness of it all. It is about how new it will all be after six weeks...six months...a year...and so on and so forth. It is about loving someone so much that you just give yourself to it....and to that other person. You will work hard through any battle that comes your way. You will fight for it when it gets tested. Why? Because the one you love is more than just worth it.....they are worth everything that you have. See, love is giving of yourself, and it takes alot of courage to do that. But...when you find that person who earns it...it can make your whole life even better. Yes, the tough times come, but that is life. Challenges will come. And if you allow life to break you, and the love you have built with that special someone, then you will give in. But I personally feel that true love can withstand anything. I have seen it happen. Their is no such thing as a perfect marriage. However, their is such a thing as a marriage built upon love, and when that love grows...it can be an awesome thing. People don't know what love is anymore. Somewhere along the way, we forgot what it meant to actually cherish that person, to love them until the end, to actually know that they are the one for us. People want to know. They want to believe in it. But they will never know it until they take the time to actually understand it. Basically...if you can give of yourself to someone without question. If you can look at them with love in your eyes day to day and appreciate that they love you the same. If you can laugh through the tough times, cry through the tough times, and love through the tough times with that person. Congrats. For I feel that you just figured out what love is all about. I'll shut up now.
Well said Goof, were all wanting that "colliding of 2 mini universes"... basically were all doing it wrong.
Indeed we are LadyLid. 
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Pretty much the same here. In our final year, she turned psycho and her drinking got worse, which amplified her anger. I think maybe she was consumed with guilt about how she was treating me. I was willing to help her with her meltdown, and work on it together, but she was already too far gone, and I had to accept that I was losing her. This was extremely difficult for me because I deeply loved her unconditionally. She eventually wasn't willing to give the same. But in the end, I wished there had been a real honest closure, not silly mysteries that don't make sense. I am sorry to hear that. Before the guy that broke up with me in August, I dated an alcoholic that started out verbally abusing me and then ended up hitting me from behind almost breaking my neck. Gee, the things we go through for love. Perhaps the New Year will bring us both some good luck. Cheers. |
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Pretty much the same here. In our final year, she turned psycho and her drinking got worse, which amplified her anger. I think maybe she was consumed with guilt about how she was treating me. I was willing to help her with her meltdown, and work on it together, but she was already too far gone, and I had to accept that I was losing her. This was extremely difficult for me because I deeply loved her unconditionally. She eventually wasn't willing to give the same. But in the end, I wished there had been a real honest closure, not silly mysteries that don't make sense. I am sorry to hear that. Before the guy that broke up with me in August, I dated an alcoholic that started out verbally abusing me and then ended up hitting me from behind almost breaking my neck. Gee, the things we go through for love. Perhaps the New Year will bring us both some good luck. Cheers. Yes, guilt has a lot to do with it but the thing with alcoholics is that they are very sick people,not in their right mind, and most of the things they say should not be taken personally. As for shallow reasons, we live in a throw away society and if something is not working right, we don't try to fix it, we throw it away and get a new one. I just wish that people would not gve you some dumb excuse as to why they don't want to continue seeing you because most times you can see right through their lies. We all need to learn to say what we really mean, just not say it in a mean way. |
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I've heard this a 1,000 times, "I'm just not happy anymore" Ah, but you were happy. What changed? Why did you wake up one day and realize why you weren't happy anymore? Keeping in mind you fell in love with this person, this person, not how much money they earn, or whether or not they have a job, or how much money they make, they are still the same person you fell in love with, what's changed? This is a classic end for situations of people settling for someone that is not their type (emotionally or physically). Somewhere along the way they compromised and it lead to doom. It's always better to be single until a person's ‘complete package’ comes along; otherwise, it's a waste of time for both people. It is NOT shallow to wait for the right person; it is not shallow to have expectations and ambitions. IF someone is in a relationship for the wrong reasons then of course it will fall apart. To question why that happens is silly; the reason is obvious. Why would anyone grapple over this concept? Good relationships are easy to figure out -- bad relationships are easy to figure out. Why is this so introspective? The sky is blue; the grass is green! duh! Captain Obvious strikes again! 
Bloody brilliant! FearandLoathing approved. 
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I've heard this a 1,000 times, "I'm just not happy anymore" Ah, but you were happy. What changed? Why did you wake up one day and realize why you weren't happy anymore? Keeping in mind you fell in love with this person, this person, not how much money they earn, or whether or not they have a job, or how much money they make, they are still the same person you fell in love with, what's changed? This is a classic end for situations of people settling for someone that is not their type (emotionally or physically). Somewhere along the way they compromised and it lead to doom. It's always better to be single until a person's ‘complete package’ comes along; otherwise, it's a waste of time for both people. It is NOT shallow to wait for the right person; it is not shallow to have expectations and ambitions. IF someone is in a relationship for the wrong reasons then of course it will fall apart. To question why that happens is silly; the reason is obvious. Why would anyone grapple over this concept? Good relationships are easy to figure out -- bad relationships are easy to figure out. Why is this so introspective? The sky is blue; the grass is green! duh! Captain Obvious strikes again!
Bloody brilliant! FearandLoathing approved.
*with my best Elvis impersonation* A huh-huh, Ooooh Yeah! 
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I believe their are two answers to this question. So bear with me for a moment. First of all, people give up so easily because they never really understood what "it" was that got them into the relationship in the first place. Oh, it was a feeling. A moment. And that moment turned into wanting. Wanting to see the person again. Their was newness to it all. It is exciting when you first meet someone. It's like making a discovery of something the likes you have never seen before. And soon after that discovery, you start to think that you have found something..you have found someone. And without any thought or questioning as to why you do feel the way you do, you jump. You take a leap. Why? Because you think you have found something. And, maybe you have. But the problem comes in when the newness wears off. When all that was good in the beginning of the relationship goes by. It passes. And like a boy who plays with a toy that he got for Christmas so many times in a short span of time, he grows bored with it. And that, folks, means that from the very beginning, the relationship was doomed. You can't put forth effort into something that you are bored with. That you just don't want anymore. So you make excuses. You realize that you not only tricked your partner, but you tricked yourself as well. And that is why it is so easy to just give up. You never really invested yourself into the relationship. Giving up seems like the proper course of action, and in alot of cases, it is just. See, the other answer in actually finding something that is true. That is real. That is more than a fleeting thought. You meet that someone special, it isn't just about the newness of it all. It is about how new it will all be after six weeks...six months...a year...and so on and so forth. It is about loving someone so much that you just give yourself to it....and to that other person. You will work hard through any battle that comes your way. You will fight for it when it gets tested. Why? Because the one you love is more than just worth it.....they are worth everything that you have. See, love is giving of yourself, and it takes alot of courage to do that. But...when you find that person who earns it...it can make your whole life even better. Yes, the tough times come, but that is life. Challenges will come. And if you allow life to break you, and the love you have built with that special someone, then you will give in. But I personally feel that true love can withstand anything. I have seen it happen. Their is no such thing as a perfect marriage. However, their is such a thing as a marriage built upon love, and when that love grows...it can be an awesome thing. People don't know what love is anymore. Somewhere along the way, we forgot what it meant to actually cherish that person, to love them until the end, to actually know that they are the one for us. People want to know. They want to believe in it. But they will never know it until they take the time to actually understand it. Basically...if you can give of yourself to someone without question. If you can look at them with love in your eyes day to day and appreciate that they love you the same. If you can laugh through the tough times, cry through the tough times, and love through the tough times with that person. Congrats. For I feel that you just figured out what love is all about. I'll shut up now.
that was awesome Goof... So true!!! 
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I didn't want to quote Goof's long post but I'm a little in awe right now.
Unfortunately many of us were in one sphere while our partners were in the other. There in lies the heartbreak. |
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I didn't want to quote Goof's long post but I'm a little in awe right now. Unfortunately many of us were in one sphere while our partners were in the other. There in lies the heartbreak. So true Chrissy... |
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I didn't want to quote Goof's long post but I'm a little in awe right now. Unfortunately many of us were in one sphere while our partners were in the other. There in lies the heartbreak. Hahaha! My long post put ya to sleep Chrissy? 
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I didn't want to quote Goof's long post but I'm a little in awe right now. Unfortunately many of us were in one sphere while our partners were in the other. There in lies the heartbreak. yep, so many little factors come onto play... |
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Goof gets the post of the month, I am just truly shocked, and I had to use about half of my tissue box. Goof is a touchy-feely softy after all. Goof has a hidden talent, not always seen, but it's there. Very nice post, Goof, thank you.
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