I've been nice all my life, too nice for awhile there, could never say no until learned to say 'let me think about it'.These days am trying to communicate that my tolerance level has a breaking point. People thinking 'oh she's so nice, (or stupid) she won't mind (notice)'. I have a mild sort of burn going on, hardly noticible except once in awhile...others can see little sparks occasionally if they look at the right second. Learning to voice when not pleased with something has been difficult, not to say exhausting somedays. Especially when the opposition is one of your tests in life to continue growth.
How do you handle anger dilpomatically at work or such inopportune moments?

Take your time to answer, Then tell them no. I must have a bank closed sign around here somewhere.

You have to just accept some people will display disapproval if you are displeased with them. I also think most people know when they have gone over the boundaries and pushed your buttons. I find that many people will later apologize for their behavior and things settle down. I never hold grduges so that helps.

Sounds like your taking the right steps to start.I am kinda the same way.But the right button gets pushed.thats it.
You need to stand your ground when when you are ready to speak.Try to do this before it gets out of hand.That way it will be much easyer to maintain yourself,yet let people know you have had enough.
J.M.O. Good luck!

Yes, but it's my boss, actually the 2 of them 78 and 81 respectively. Communicating to them about real problems (ie assistant) and getting a tsk tsk, well he can't see, hear etc- which is ridculous and not true. The generation they were raised in women don't speak out. It's a battle, the same goes for some of the crowd that comes into work, tonight they actually were trying to do a drug deal and played me for dum and they missed their mark by a wide mile and realized they were not dealing with a ordinary woman.
Trying not to lose my mind and be appropriately upset is the struggle when you can't leave for the minute and deep breathe. This is what is facing me.

It sounds like you've been patient. Some people will just annoy/or try to push your buttons sometimes. Hope things get better for you

thank you.

I really don't know how you deal with anger, to me I think it is better to be aware that you are angry and to let others know that you are angry but never to act in anger. It's when we get swept up in an emotional response, and are helpless to our primal instincts that we show our true weakness.

When I get angry, I scream and shout. I use the F word liberally. I throw small objects.

I do the same at work.

You may want to know that I have been unemployed and unemployable for 18 years in a row.

In relationships, I am the quietly cruel one. I don't scream, don't shout, but am prone to pouting and giving the "silent treatment". I make eventually everybody walk on eggshells around me, and I do that until they go crazy or leave me.

I have been banned from three retail malls and from two police stations in my city for causing a scene. I did not commit anything criminal, just screamed, or cursed or called people names. In my town they keep locks on the doors of jails to keep me out, and not at all to keep the inmates in. Everyone around here usually feels safer when there is a locked safty vault door betweent them and me. The mental asylium had their doors reinforced with steel for this reason. That building houses too many expensive doctors and psychiatrists to let me in just like that.

I often screamed at my students when I taught at university. I was a part-time lecturer for adult continuing school students, teaching them math and computer science. They were very happy with that, they loved it, they regarded it as a sign of love, affection and caring. Most if not all students were immigrants, and to them my screaming and shouting at them at the top of my lungs was a real treat. They were 1. used to much worse in their schools in the old country and 2. their limited language skills made them to mistakenly realize that I was dishing out compliments and awards when I was screaming at them. Many opened the doors of their homes to me and invited me for festive meals. Mostly they felt honoured by my company and were befuddled by how it was possible that I survived their lovingly prepared meals.

My family is used to it by now. If I start to scream and shout and throw chairs in the living room of my brother or at the Christmas dinner at my aunt's, they hold me down, gag me, tie me down to a chair and then light candles, and sing psalms. Sometimes I remember a priest or two that my family would call in. The old geesers would sprinkle me with holy water, hit me on the head with a giant crucifix as if my head was a baseball. The Holy Water steamed off me, in a green-orange steam; an the religious symbols would bend, break, melt, or burst into fire depending on their chemical composition. Then there was the Minion and the voodoo tribe of 200 dervishes from Outer Mongolia, but my mind easily overpowered their prayers and faith. The Catholic church is not a very challengign match for me either.

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In short, that's how I handle my anger in the diplomatic way, the anger which has been being channelled into me through some wormhole in the universe, into my soul, from the evil minds of a thousand tortured and angry souls of the deepest, darkest, most condemned corners of the Universe for thousands of years.

Next week I will tell you how I do it the undiplomatic way.

your psychiatrist must be proud!



you ARE joking...right?

"you ARE joking...right? "

You had to ask? Look who needs the psychiatrist, now!!

FINALLY an honest answer!!

oh you're too nice to be like that

Well, if the problem people are your bosses, that makes things tricky. Does your business have as a goal, to make money? Most bosses respond best to criticisms when they are explained as a matter of profit margin. IF you tell them they are upsetting you with comments of some sort, they'll shrug in confusion. If you tell them their commentary is serving to reduce your productivity and that of others by discouraging teamwork, they MIGHT perk up and listen.
As for simply expressing anger, there is a businesslike way to do that, it is as someone else said, to DESCRIBE that you are angry, and explain why, without resorting to actual yelling or other such habits of venting.

Thank you for the input. Unfortunately we are non profit, actual no profit except for intrinsically. I like what you said about how they are discouraging, at times have felt that way. Have asked for staff meetings, but it's never followed up on. Now that things have slowed down am going to do so again and keep following up with requests. Great advice, describe and explain. It's been sooo long since worked in my field. They were letting volenteers run things and it was a mess. Coming on board late last spring was a slow but steady change because they would get alarmed that '...you are moving too fast.', this went on for 6 months. Now they are happy and so is the board and the church (we rent out of their facility) with all the positive and clean changes. Thank you again for your serious thought to my serious problem.