Does anyone else find it hard sometimes to figure out what they did 'wrong' in the relationship that didnt work out?

I am a firm believer that it takes two to make a relationship work and that both are responsible, in some way or another, if it does not work. Sometimes it is just very hard to see your own mistakes. I know in my first marriage, I should have considered some counseling to work through the infidelity and drinking(his). This second failure , though, is killing me because I Really cant see what I did or didnt do.....besides marrying without really knowing someone but that seems like a copout excuse (shrugs)

Don't dwell on the past.Sometimes it's best to just move on and find somebody that makes you happy and doesn't make you question yourself...

thanx tribbles, but how do you avoid repeating a mistake without aknowledging what it is first?

Use common sense.....

lol,, thanx

Fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me...

Fool you three times,, you might be George W Bush,,lol

sorry, had to go there

I don't mind owning up to something, but sometimes it's just part of my personality and I don't realize I'm doing something

I never do anything wrong.....its always the other persons fault!!!

Does it really matter? One cannot be fully responsible for “evolution of relationship.” I agree it is a dialog (“two for tango”). However any evolution has its natural course. Over-analysis does not help to make future perfect. Lessons learned improve our abilities, but we are never perfect.
Somebody told me a joke, “To keep sanity everybody has to change one’s job and one’s spouse every five years.”

There are some that would push the blame to others instead of owning up. Take cheating. Ok..there may be problems on both sides of a relationship but one made the choice to cheat. Now this one may not own up for that and tries to blame the other person

Does it really matter whose fault it is, if the bond has expired? He drinks and cheats; she likes “bad boys.” She’s rude and careless; he likes “strong women.” There are thousand scenarios, which practically impossible to classify.

Myself can't say I have for I'm one that when in doubt I ask the other person. I've always been pretty open minded as well as one that don't have a problem voicing my opinion as well. No matter how hard it is or how difficult it may be to hear one will never know till they actually talk with the other person and learn to be honest with each other. To me it is very important to have that closer before moving on with another...

it matters when someone isn't owning up to their bads (not saying to divide into piles who did what) but instead blames others. IMO

Yeah, asking doesn't always help either. Often times you get a lie or a non-answer or even a defensive kind of answer. I'm just now learning to just let it go.

I never wonder why it ended; I always know, instead, I usually wonder why I bothered in the first place.

We were not there to witness the situation but it seems like you already answered the most common reason.
"marrying without really knowing someone "

Did the same myself years ago. and that was all I did wrong!!
knew her for 4 months. She kept pushing to get married and I gave in.... BIG mistake, I soon found out she was pushing so hard to get married so quick because she couldn't keep up the front much longer.
She soon started yelling about small things and quickly became out of control and screaming constantly about everything.
Kept trying to get her to get help, told her over and over that I wasn't going to live like that, but she refused and it kept getting worse.
finally one day she followed me around the yard as I mowed, screaming over the mower.
That was the last straw.

It is not always both parties fault that it failed!!!!

But it takes BOTH- to make it work!

I "know" exactly what I do wrong.

I put 26 yrs in my marriage, I know what I did wrong..I stayed in it.
Got out when it finally dawned on me ... heck i'm doing this alone