Community > Misc Advice, Help & Support

Topic: disfunctional families durning the holidays
plk1966 Joined Fri 03/21/08 Posts: 31042	Thu 12/24/09 11:45 PM
its almost as if i am a black sheep.. everything i have ever done although i know not perfect by far.. but to get where i am in life. the pick apart my life and find negative about everything.. preach me and never compliment me on anything good or acomplishments i have made, because they both live miserable and choose to be that way.. i look for positive things to learn from them.. sure i have had negative things in my life and much worse than they had.. but i move on.. and take the possitive to guide me.. i dont get it lol boy do I know this feeling.....everything that has gone wrong in the free world seems to be my fault I have learned to just grin and bear the BS, my visits aren't all day anymore this way I can at least control the amount of insanity that I get throughout the day Hoping Santa brings you a little peace and quiet this year

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Thu 12/24/09 11:55 PM
you know its funny because am 20 and i was brought up to love and support my family no matter what, and as i got older i realized why my parents taught me that the rest of my family is nuts!!! haha Anyway it is said that friends are only their for the good and not the bad times and family will always be there. But arent they suppose to be there in a supportive and non critizing way, anyway i wont go on explaining the story but my uncle (moms brother) critized my dad about loosing his company recently and said some very mean and degrading comments and my mom fought back and we left the party, mind you all this during christmas eve dinner. And in the car she tells me "now i understand why you dont want anybody knowing your busy and although i respected your choice i never agreed but now i do" anyway i swear some times its so much better and nicer to hang out with friends than family speacially when they critize everything you do good and bad, and dont appreciate the things that you have done for them.IN CONCLUSION TO ALL MY FRIENDS ON THIS SITE WHY COULDNT YOU COME TO FLORIDA AND WE WOULD HAVE SPENT CHRISTMAS EVE WITH A BOTTLE AND LAUGHS HAHA MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS AND I HOPE ITS GOING BETTER THAN MINE. :) i taught my kids a bit about that... however i think it is best they have their each individualism.. and i taught them that is ok.. everyone has thier own opinion for that is what makes us all special and unique..i feel i am blessed to have 3 children that are all so different and special in their own ways!!and like your mom.. i have even learned from my kids.. from younger people as well as older ones and my age too.. yes i was a parent to them as well as friend i think you can balance that.. and have open honest communication with them as parent and as friend.. but i dont know that just one of those options would work... i am thankful i took both options myself...degrading should never be a part of love and friedship... in my eyes anyway... i have never done that to my mother or brother.. but being stomped on and disrespected and used is a whole different story.. no no one should do that to another.. and there is a time when it needs to come to a end..happy holidays to you.. and to you for teaching your mom something as well. for there is always room to grow and improve ourselves.. no matter who teaches us.. and to your mom as well take this as a good holiday for yourself.. for you have made a difference to your mother.. and she let u know that... cheers to u both!!

buttons Joined Mon 11/06/06 Posts: 25783	Fri 12/25/09 12:04 AM
its almost as if i am a black sheep.. everything i have ever done although i know not perfect by far.. but to get where i am in life. the pick apart my life and find negative about everything.. preach me and never compliment me on anything good or acomplishments i have made, because they both live miserable and choose to be that way.. i look for positive things to learn from them.. sure i have had negative things in my life and much worse than they had.. but i move on.. and take the possitive to guide me.. i dont get it lol boy do I know this feeling.....everything that has gone wrong in the free world seems to be my fault I have learned to just grin and bear the BS, my visits aren't all day anymore this way I can at least control the amount of insanity that I get throughout the day Hoping Santa brings you a little peace and quiet this year thank you patty and it has for my oldest daugher called.. with the same feelings i had.. and i am glad she could come to me and share that! even if it werent the same feelings , the fact that she could come to share about something like this meant the world to me.. as i said i tried to instill family values in my kids.. an they werent negetive at all!! so since she also sees the difference between good family values and not so good ones i guess this is a grand holiday for me!! and ill just look at it that way.. and do something different to cut out the rest of the negative.. i am feeling pretty thankful now lol! and have met some really grand people as well on here today! i hope your holidays are good too patty!! merry christmas and happy new year!!

Unknow Joined Sat 04/12/08 Posts: 4036	Fri 12/25/09 12:52 PM Edited by Unknow on Fri 12/25/09 12:52 PM
It's never my family I have to deal with through the holidays. They're all Jehovah's Witnesses. It' the dysfunctional families I bring into my life I get to deal with. This latest one, ROCKS!

TxsSun Joined Wed 05/20/09 Posts: 14582	Fri 12/25/09 01:34 PM
My family is intolerable to say the least. But I try. They are the most negative people that I know. They would do anything for me, I know this. However, can we not have just two days of happiness when together? *insert stangle smiley here

newarkjw Joined Sun 05/25/08 Posts: 17172	Fri 12/25/09 03:11 PM
its almost as if i am a black sheep.. everything i have ever done although i know not perfect by far.. but to get where i am in life. the pick apart my life and find negative about everything.. preach me and never compliment me on anything good or acomplishments i have made, because they both live miserable and choose to be that way.. i look for positive things to learn from them.. sure i have had negative things in my life and much worse than they had.. but i move on.. and take the possitive to guide me.. i dont get it lol boy do I know this feeling.....everything that has gone wrong in the free world seems to be my fault I have learned to just grin and bear the BS, my visits aren't all day anymore this way I can at least control the amount of insanity that I get throughout the day Hoping Santa brings you a little peace and quiet this year thank you patty and it has for my oldest daugher called.. with the same feelings i had.. and i am glad she could come to me and share that! even if it werent the same feelings , the fact that she could come to share about something like this meant the world to me.. as i said i tried to instill family values in my kids.. an they werent negetive at all!! so since she also sees the difference between good family values and not so good ones i guess this is a grand holiday for me!! and ill just look at it that way.. and do something different to cut out the rest of the negative.. i am feeling pretty thankful now lol! and have met some really grand people as well on here today! i hope your holidays are good too patty!! merry christmas and happy new year!! Sounds as if you have raised your children right. I think every family is dysfunctual. Merry Christmas.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXRi-kSO-T0

Ladylid2012 Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42269	Fri 12/25/09 03:18 PM
My family is intolerable to say the least. But I try. They are the most negative people that I know. They would do anything for me, I know this. However, can we not have just two days of happiness when together? *insert stangle smiley here I heard this on the radio the other day...28% of people get prescriptions to help them remain calm while being surrounded by family through the holidays. I would think it would have been more. If I have to take a tranquilizer just to be around someone..I don't want to be around them. I don't care who it is...blood or not!

TxsSun Joined Wed 05/20/09 Posts: 14582	Fri 12/25/09 03:28 PM
My family is intolerable to say the least. But I try. They are the most negative people that I know. They would do anything for me, I know this. However, can we not have just two days of happiness when together? *insert stangle smiley here I heard this on the radio the other day...28% of people get prescriptions to help them remain calm while being surrounded by family through the holidays. I would think it would have been more. If I have to take a tranquilizer just to be around someone..I don't want to be around them. I don't care who it is...blood or not! I totally agree!

Shasta1 Joined Wed 09/09/09 Posts: 3308	Sat 12/26/09 08:46 PM
I know this sounds easier said then done but I've learned to say (no) to anyone: "look...I gotta go, other things need my attention now. I'll call you back" and don't. Say it a few times. They'll get it. The other option is caller ID. See whose calling and turn off the answering machine if it's them. Disconnect it from your life. Only you are giving them permission to continue. Say it, you won't tolerate them ruining your peace of mind for the holidays or any other time. And as long as it continues...you're not getting dragged into it anymore. I've done it very nicvely to family and people because my sanity was importsnt to me and so was my day. Call them when You want, and if it starts tell em you just called to say hi and gotta go. A little behavior management never hurt anyone.

silly Joined Wed 04/25/07 Posts: 2789	Sun 12/27/09 08:41 AM
I know this sounds easier said then done but I've learned to say (no) to anyone: "look...I gotta go, other things need my attention now. I'll call you back" and don't. Say it a few times. They'll get it. The other option is caller ID. See whose calling and turn off the answering machine if it's them. Disconnect it from your life. Only you are giving them permission to continue. Say it, you won't tolerate them ruining your peace of mind for the holidays or any other time. And as long as it continues...you're not getting dragged into it anymore. I've done it very nicvely to family and people because my sanity was importsnt to me and so was my day. Call them when You want, and if it starts tell em you just called to say hi and gotta go. A little behavior management never hurt anyone. very well said.