You know most guys can tell within an hour or less, of talking to a girl that they have been in an abusive relationship, especially for a prolong period of time. Yeah the results are that permanent and sometimes therapy can be the only option. GET THE HELL OUT!

you brake not of one born of a curse. that he lives so that all see love for deaths effection. may you dare open the beating spirit youll be lost to your own mind but mine!

Each case must be handled individually. Abuse comes in many forms, as do coping responses.
I personally would NEVER indulge in labeling someone in such a general fashion as you offer.

i think it really depends on why you're sticking around, how pervasive the abuse is, and if it's worth fixing.

was it always this way? has he/she had some sort of trauma that they are having a hard time working through? my best friend's husband has been a completely different man since he returned from iraq. he was an absolutely amazing man before leaving...but now is depressive and quick-tempered, and sometimes downright mean. she's stuck by his side, no matter how many people tell her she should get the hell out.

i stayed for years longer than i would have because of my step-child. to just up and leave...i wouldn't have been able to take her. i could not leave her to deal with all that on her own. my staying didn't mean that i was nuts, it meant that i was putting the well-being of a child above my own. it's earned me the constant companionship and unbelievable love and admiration of one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and soulful young adults out there. i'd do it again in a heartbeat.

are they staying because they know nothing else? too scared to get out? have begun to believe the crap he pounds into them? then yes...they are mentally ill.

each of us has a different story and a unique approach to life. we can't be lumped into one statement of "if A is true, then so must B be"...

I see the stigma about mental illness is still alive and well.

There should be no reason any human should have to take abuse from another human.

Justification can be made but it still does not stop the cycle.

For those staying for the children, the damage being done to the children because of the exposure to the abusor is major life long damage. So are you really doing them a favor by staying?

Those who live and bring up children in abusive relationships including all forms of abuse then teach the children how relationships should be.

Scary huh?

staying for a step-child is different. there are no legal ties outside of marriage for the step-parent.

Understood but the damage is still done to the child being exposed to the abusor, there is no way around it except to eliminate the abusor from the equation.

absolutely. the only thing you can hope for is to minimize by trying to keep it away from them.

when the choice is them with the abuser, or them back with the mom that's even worse...options run out with a quickness. i was lucky that i ended up in a situation where they gave me guardianship of her.

Tell me what keeps her by his side
When she's treated just like dirt
The fear of the dark unknown
Appears to be much worse than the hurt

-Sammy Hagar

On a personal level, I've found that one needs a certain sense of self-worth and independence before going into a relationship. This will help them to recognize abuse and be able to separate their own identity from the one the abuser is trying to instill in them. Then there also lies within the personal strength needed to walk away, aware.

I've seen so many patterns that normally extend from being an overly empathetic child or from having abuse in childhood...that almost subconsciously seek out abuse in adulthood because that is "familiar" and what they have come to acquaint with "love". I believe that patterns such as this certainly, absolutely warrant a need for psychological counseling.

There are factors that play in to make a person feel like they are stuck in the abusive situation, and I will not discount these. Children, veterans, spouses or partners who become ill, relationships that have become mutually abusive...
Yes. I also think that all of these situations are good reasons for professional help. Though they don't qualify in my mind as mental illness, it's hard to see clearly when everything is so messed up. Professional counseling will, in the least, shed some light on the situations. If possible in a situation like this, it's important that both the abusers or the abuser and abusee attend the sessions.

Finally, life is far too short and precious to be a victim of someone else's discontentment. I hope that everyone out there has the ability to let their light shine, even if they are shining alone.