uh ohhhhhhh

I just heard the voicemail he left his girl friend

"my wife went through my phone and might be calling you..."

hahahahahahahahahahaha

Tiger Woods Cheated on His Wife? Raina Kelley Reacts, Advises Those Considering Future Transgressions

Just yesterday morning, I wrote 900 words in defense of Tiger Woods and that ridiculous car crash in front of his house. Yesterday! Now I have to eat my words. He’s a cheater. And I am, in a word, crushed. Here was, I thought, the one ridiculously talented man who might not be prey to the charms of loose women. But no, Woods is also incapable of keeping his pants on. I wouldn’t marry one of you if it were the only way to avoid my own death. Who needs it? You behave like drunk donkeys. In exchange for wealth, access, and standing, your wives get betrayed, humiliated, and great jewelry. Plus, your spouses can’t even “go ghetto” on you because the whole world is watching and they’ll get arrested. Not to mention the cherry on top, which is if said spouse stays with the cheating, lying knucklehead, she looks like a desperate loser. But, if she leaves the bum and gets a good divorce lawyer, she's demonized as a money-grubbing gold-digger.

And stop using imperfection as an excuse. Can I just say that from a wife’s perspective, we don’t want or need Tiger or any other man to be perfect. We know you’re not perfect. But imperfection in a marriage is usually defined as forgetting to put your socks in the hamper or refusing to watch the kids while your wife takes a shower. Depending on the circumstances (such as your wife’s knowledge and permissiveness), cheating on your spouse doesn’t show you up as flawed and human husband, it makes you a awful husband in need of counseling.

Plus, I don’t want to hear that “all men cheat” crap. That’s disgusting and repellent and completely disrespectful to men (except for the ones that sleep around) and all women (except for the ones who gather in hotel lobbies and nightclubs for the sole purpose of hooking up with famous strangers). Because if that were true, men would be, as a whole, lousy examples of the human race and hence, unworthy of our love and support. But here’s the thing, cheat if you want. Act like fraternity brothers on permanent spring break. Treat women like disposable sex toys. It’s your funeral. Because whether you like it or not, we women are a force to reckon who don’t have to support famous guys who make their wives look like idiots. We buy the majority of fitness equipment, sportswear, and sneakers and spend billions of dollars on stuff with brand names like Nike, EA, and Gatorade. According to Nielsen Online, it’s the ladies driving growth at sports Web sites and we most definitely do not have to follow the careers of terminally immature sports stars who can’t go to Vegas without banging cocktail waitresses.

So please, just remember that the next time you feel seduced by a chick that’s not your wife, hell hath no fury like millions of scorned female fans.

Sincerely,