A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

She hears the little boy continue,

'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.

Possible train wreck in future.

lol

..so this guy goes to a restaurant
..he is propmtly seated and the waiter comes to the table..
sir what will you like today
..after looking over the menu the man orders:
.i'll have the roast beef,mash potaoes
and a cup of coffee..

.. the waiter comes back after a few minutes
with the coffee..the man notices:
..that the waiter's thumb is in his coffee
..but says nothing
..after a few minutes

..the waiter brings the man his dinner
the man notices that the waiters:
thumb is in his mash potatoes..
but nonethe less he eats his dinner and
orders another cup of coffee..

..when the waiter returns with the man's coffee
he notices:
the waiters thumb is in his coffee..again!
finally after having enough of this waiters thumb
the man says:

look! every time i ordered something tonight
you had your thumb in it
what's your problem!

the waiter replies"i went to the doctor today
because i hurt my thumb
he told me to keep it moist and warm

so the man replies: well than stick it up your assss

the waiter replies " i do when i'm in the kitchen....

We won't mind the perverted ones.

thats good. if i cant put them in here then that one up top may be the only one u see from me lol

Too funny!!!!!