i doubt u hate my life enough to do me the favor. if i had money i'd pay u.



i've found that somethin which calms my spirit and soul, only problem is i can't afford it anymore. q.v. original post, sick, not well...

i jes need to find a job n get off on my own. i think i'd be alright in that instance. problem is finding a job. and i'm not picky, i'll take a job scrubbin toilets, i don't care. but nobody will hire me.


are u referring to my obsession with this girl who doesn't really care much about me?

well i don't quite understand the nature of my obsession with her either, but i suspect it has something to do with how secksi she is, how nice she is to me when she does see me and the way she looks at me, like she doesn't expect a thing from me. everyone else who looks at me, i feel like they expect something from me. that's my best guess as to why i'm so obsessed with her. i like being with her. did i mention she's really secksi?

Yes I think you mentioned how secksi she is.

well allow me to mention how secksi u ladies all are. NGU!!

Well...I guess I'll throw myself on the sword here...

Who gives a rat's rear end how "secksi" she is. If she treats you like crap and is on her way back to prison is she worth the hassle, heartache, and drama?

I think not.

Stop thinking with your nether regions and start thinking with the big brain instead.

You can't love enough for two people.

Wow guy you have your problems but your body is not one of them. I am about as far as you can get from a cougar but your body is fine. At your age you are not going to look 19 but you are definitely normal and above the standard; my guess in the top ten percentile.

If you are a convicted felon you need to go back to your probation and parole officer and ask the system for help. Any job will help you get a job take whatever they offer you. You actually have preferential hiring for some jobs and jobs training programs so you have to keep at it.

Think you are probably on the money about your girlfriend. Definitely stupid for either of you to be associateing with each other and adding more time. Move on. Let everyone heal.

You are so young if you hate your life look around and make it better the same way everyone else do it; be smart, improve your mind first it lasts longest and you can't loose it, work at anything there is no legal job without dignity, be kind and respectful to all because it is never wasted. Believe in yourself, even have to fake it until you make it because it is contagious. Good luck.

it's not about sex really. i mean, she's really nice to look at, but i've had WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better sex than with her. she's not very communicative. like i was sayin, it's something about how she looks at me. i don't see her judging me, or expecting anything from me. maybe cos she's quiet? i dunno, but whatever it is, it's a bit unnerving. i've never been so insecure about myself with a female before. maybe cos she's a challenge? no tellin. but i'm tryin to get past those feelings. i don't think about her as often as i did. however, had the rotten luck of receiving a text from her today. started thinkin about her all over again. haven't eaten a thing today. haven't been to the gym since my cat was killed. maybe i'm jes going thru grief a little more slowly than i should be. i dunno. doesn't help being sick either.

like i said, i think once i find a job i'll be alot better. have my mind properly occupied.

oh and if u smell BS u might wanna check ur shoes, may have stepped in something, cos nothin i've posted here is BS. i mean... well it may very well be BS to some, with respect to the veracity of what i've said, it's not BS.

Here's my BS factor...convicted felons do not own guns. You have a picture holding a gun...and don't try and BS me and tell me it's a fake gun...so...something doesn't seem right to all of this.

But that's just me.

Misery loves company doesn't it? But at some point you have to stop feeling like the world took a crap on you and stop being a victim.

Get over it. Move on. Be happy.

that's all very nice of u to say. i am going monday to see about what government benefits i may qualify for. i'm steady searchin for work, i'm also registerd with the state of texas for work, but i've never been lucky enough to find work thru them. i've gotten lucky findin work on craigslist, but lately, nobody is even taking a second look at me. if i could get the capital to start my own business i would, i just don't have any collateral to offer up to secure a loan. bad credit. sooooooooo... jes keep lookin in the meantime. thankful i have a place to lay down at night despite being unwelcome here. miserable miserable way to live. and from family no less. i never thought my family would treat me this way. everyone has their breaking points i guess. the whole family is broken now.

but yeah, thanks for ur suggestions and kind words, i'm jes probably not dealin with the grief very well, i'll be alright, i kno i'll gain the weight back when i start eating again and working out. but it just seems an insurmountable task to even contemplate returning to 180#. i was only just barely tipping the scales a little over 170 after i had lost 20#. and that took about 2 months to achieve. now i'm even below 165. gah.... whatever, i'll bounce back. BOING! it's what tiggers do best! BOING!!

no ur right. convicted felons don't own guns registered in their names. ur absolutely right. now if something doesn't seem right to u i suppose u have the option to blow the whistle on it, but that's entirely up to you. another thing to consider is the date of the picture. but i'm not trying to convince u of anything, i'm jes sayin i am not telling u any lies. sm:)e thanks for the motivating words. very kind of u.

my ex-husband is a convicted felon, and he lives with his mom and step-dad at the moment. he did part of his parole there, as well...

his step-dad owns his own gunsmithing business that he runs on the property. my ex is surrounded by guns on a daily basis, as a result.

-------------------

distance yourself from the drama and take the time to heal yourself.

With reading all your posts here, it really sounds like you need some professional help, not sitting here dumping all your words- that really aren't problems. You wrote them out- got objectuive hints and advice but contiuned to woe on yourself.
Try volenteering until you get a job- many hours helping others does a couple of things. First you get off the pity horse on how bad your life/weight/insight is and focus on helping another or project that helps others (Habitat for Humanity- 4-1) that really do have serious problems. 2- You'll see how people cope and may learn something about inner strength and realize that maybe things aren't all that bad. 3- Sometimes- volenteering leads to a job. Try diffferent things. CL has a volenteer area. Food banks, the homeless etc.
Get some St. Johns Wort and take it a few days.
Go to your PO and tell him whats going on. Ask if they have free or sliding scale mental health services. If not try your city/county. Look in the phone book, but coming here arguing with every bit of advice is not gonna work at all, and it just gets you more negativity which justifies what you're feeling. Try the internet but do something. You posted in another forum, and really.... you have to do more than whine to strangers if you're really feeling the way you say you are. Get your head back on. You've got a long life ahead of you and the way you're doing it now, you're going to be miserable.

yeah ur right. that's great advice. thanx!

hey i think ur problem is more psychological than physical, u sound very depressed dealing with no job losing ur gf and other issues in ur life, some people when depressed put on weight others lose it,its just the way our bodies handle different experiences in life.maybe u shld pay a visit to ur gp and explain how u r feeling inside ur self esteem seems very low and b4 u can consentrate on ur body u have to deal with ur mind emotions and feelins, after all its our brain thats sends all the signals to control our body.just think there are people out there who are worse off than u who have suffered more but u only get 1 life and u have to live it the best u can, god if u knew what i have been through and lost in the last two years u wld probably go comfort eat lol so chin uo get off ur but and fight for who u want to be.................good luck x

I didn't read all the posts...

But here are my thoughts...


1. The first 10 pounds you lose is generally water weight, and you won't see much fat reduced with that. So 10 pounds of fat you probably aren't going to see, plus you might have built up muscle under the fat, so it might appear that no fast has left. Muscle weights more than fat.

2. Like someone else posted, be sure that you are eating enough protein, otherwise you'll lose muscle (depending on how intensely you are working out).

3. Water and vitamins are crucial when you are losing weight.

4. Find something active that you like to do. Some sport you haven't played in a while or try something new!!

5. Don't beat yourself up over no losing it when you expect to lose it! Around 165 at 5'9' you are close to your ideal weight! Be happy with yourself and have fun .... you can do it!

Dude stop sweating the small stuff!!! We arent teenagers anymore. Keep exercising hard and eat lots of meat!!!! It will take time... So be patient!!!

yeah man, ur right. i kno this. i guess i'm just really discouraged n all, i had made so much progress and now i feel like i'm losing all this weight, stayin fat, etc., etc., .. blah blah blah. it's slow goin, 'specially when u do it all natural. i was tryin to keep up with these younger kids 18-21 who were using test boosters in addition. only supplements i was using, B complex vitamin, C, BCAAs, and this Apex brand Volumizer which had creatine and glutamine in it. that and eating healthy. made it to 185 like that. took me nearly 5 months but hey. i dunno, i jes want that instant gratification of lookin in the mirror and seeing what i used to see and steppin on the scale and seeing a number i'm happy about. not bein able to roll my sleeves all the way up cos it cuts off circulation. hahahaha.

thanks to all who shared kind words and for everyone's support and encouragement. i'll be back in the gym soon enough and eating properly again. take some before n after photos. hahahaha!! think i'm gonna redouble my efforts to tone up my core/midsection too. soooo, yeah, it's comin. that and a brazilian wax. OUCH!! hahaha!!

UNBELIEVABLE!! i've dipped below 160 now!! i'm 159! wtf?!?!?! seriously!?!?!

this is terrible! i was 185 freakin pounds and now i'm 159!! this is soooo bad.