I need understanding on this I don't why my oldest is acting the way he is in this.I meet a awesome guy on here and the last two days were wonderful.He treated me with respect and honor and like a lady.He made dinner for us Friday night then took us to the fair and spent alot time with the boys.He showed love to me and the boys but my oldest pushed away and showed him self now my youngest son is hurt and so am I.I have been crying and hurt by this.This guy wanted to be a part of our lives and wanted to be apart of my sons.My oldest lashed out at him and told him not to come around any more.This really hurt the guy and he probably want come around any more.Why is my oldest pushing away every guy that comes into my life?It's like he dosen't want me to find happiness.Please help!!!!!

how old is your oldest son? i was with a woman in odessa texas and she had a son still living at home that really acted out and was well old enough to have been out on his own.....he always stayed in his room,you hardly ever seen him and when you did see him he went out of his way to be rude.my suggestion is to show him he has no effect on your decisions and i hope this guy has enuff moxy to stand up and not give up on the relationship because of it.

He is fifth teen and hasn't had anyone in his life since there father left about 7 years ago.See I'm not looking a daddy I'm looking a companion for me and if they want to be apart of there i'm ok with it as long as they treat them with respect.This guy did it all and respected my boys and me.

Hey Laurie sometimes kids push people away because they are trying to show there feelings and your son is probably afraid that this new guy you have that has treated so good is trying to take you away from him. Your guy shouldn't stop the relationship your developing with him because of it either you should call your guy or you should call him and talk about what happened.

It takes time...one outing doesn't a family make.

Why do you think your son is pushing him away..he is not his father and he is spending time with his mother...taking his time. There are many resources on this sort of thing and it seems you need some help..
other than mingle advise.

If this guy runs because the situation is difficult for your children, let him run. And don't forget..your children will always be there for you, men will come and go.

Good Luck to you

He is testing you and this new guy... He is going to have a hard time trusting and he is testing to see how much love there truly is. Once he knows this man isnt going to walk out on him, you will see the good behavior again. He's scared to care

I am a single parent. When I got pregnant with my son, his father took off and never once tried to contact my son. Over the years I watched as his insecurites built because he felt he had no foundation of who he was due to his fathers absence all his life.
There was a void. He was angry and as much as he wanted to be loved he fought everyone who tried to get close to him for fear they would eventually leave him too and again he would be let down.

He finally met his father at 15 but he was a drunk and acted like a jerk..and my son came to realize that I had done him a favor by not trying to contact his father all those years and that he was who he was and it had nothing to do with his fathers lack of input in his life. He told his father not to come back because his words did not match his actions and when he was ready to get real-then he would talk to him. We never heard from him again.
My son tried to run off several potential relationships out of fear of not only being rejected again, but out of fear of loosing me to this other person. I had to let him know that my love for him was seperate and would never be changed because I had found happiness in a relationship. My son felt that he was the man of the house and his job was to protect me from possible hurt. I was the one constant in his life and his reactions were based out of fear and concern.

Today my son is 18 and he is a remarkable young man. Sometimes it just takes time patience and understanding. It isnt always easy- but hang in there and remember he is 15. Respect his feelings because they are valid, but set healthy boundaries, and let him know he can tell you anything- he needs to know you will listen even if you dont totally understand why he feels the way he does...
My heart goes out to you- I know first hand how this feels-it will get better, it is a hard balancing act sometimes.

My prayers are with you. Keep the faith girl, keep the faith (hugs)

Your 15 year old doesn't get to make decisions for you concerning your life. But, you're letting him. He's testing both of you, like all teenangers will do in some form or another. He probably feels like he might lose you, or him. Or maybe he feels like you shouldn't be dating and just be devoted to them. Either way, he doesn't get to make that decision for you. Talk to him about why he's acting like that, and his behavior is Not OK. Ask him why he feels this way about any guy coming into your life. If you don't handle this now with your son, it's never going to stop. He is the kid and you are the parent. Remind him of that.

I think the obvious reason is that children do not like to see someone else take the place of a parent and also insecurity and fear of losing . So it both jealousy and insecurity .

Why is my oldest pushing away every guy that comes into my life?



How many guys has he been introduced to?

Perhaps, in his view it is too many?

Only four----This guy was the fourth and maybe the last.I'm to point of just staying single till he{my son} leaves home in two years to go into the Marines.I'm the type I don't like stress and drama and I;m just one that will keep peace.I will give up all for my son just to keep peace even though it's going to hurt for along time.I guess I will get into my work more to keep my mind off things.

Marines ?.
That is no good job .
Why not college and a decent life ?.
Marines get the orders from politicians and have no freedom of choice in their own lives !!!.

Thanks ----For the insecurity I have so many times tried to reassure both my boys they will always have me and I would always be there for them.That love will never leave no matter what they are my heart and forever and always will be in life no how old they get.I have reassured so much I don't know how to get through to him.I have taught them this is my priorities in life and always will be no matter what life brings---God,Whom ever comes into my life,My kids,Family,ect.I just wish he could learn to love and trust again.I have tried so much to teach him that but there times he turns away from me.I have also told him he would not lose me either that's something i can not do nor will ever do in life.

I have raised 3 boys alone..during the younger years I attempted dating.It wasn't worth it. Too much drama, too many hurt feelings and to much uncomfortable-ness. I choose to just be alone and put my energy into my boys.
It was a long lonely road..the payoff has been huge. They are adults now, one is still under age and they encourage me to go out, they support me and know they are loved. Boys are funny about their mom..I understand it much more now that they are men.

No offense but sounds like your son has been running his own show for a long time and it doesn't take a lot for him to pull rank on you. If he does this in the military someone will shut him down hard. I doubt that will do you much good though. If you are lucky enough to meet a decent guy and your kid shows his bum you need to pull that kid up by his ears and make him apologize for his rude disrespectful behavior not only to your boyfriend but you.

P.S. Pulling a kid up by their ears is a figure of speech not a literal thing. But you get the idea. Be a Mom not a wuss.

Wrong answer hun. And dont misunderstand me, I have such a problem with drama, that I refuse tolive any closer than ten miles to the closest VILLAGE at this point in life, and whenever it gets too bad (most people would say it is nothing but a nuisance when for me it is too bad), I will end up in the hospital because I literally can not even leave the fetal position on the ground, and my entire lower back, hips and pelvis are spasming so bad I almost look like I am having a seizure (last time it happened my friend thought I was having a stroke or heart attack).

My point is, both of my boys know this about me. My nine year old is already entering puberty, and trying to push his limits as far as possible. He tries to do the same thing your son is doing to you; cause so much grief and heartache that we will bow down to what they want, and do what they want (or not want in some cases), in order to avoid the pain and emotional heartaches. I would recommend sitting your son down and talking with him, letting him know you will not tolerate it, maybe get him into counseling. Also you said he is interested in the Marines right? And fifteen years old? Go to your local recruiter station talk to a Marine recruiter, and have them talk to your son. Trust me when I tell you that the recruiter WILL get your son to toe the line (and not by treating him like a soldier or a grunt or anything bad). He will make it quite clear that a Marine is expected to act responsibly and in a mature manner,as well as honorably, and that if your son can not do these things then he will not be accepted into the corps. And trust me when I say that I have SEEN boys get turned away for treating their parents like dirt; the military does not want bullies or manipulators in it's ranks.

Good luck and stand firm. Also, if this guy is as great as you made him out to be, he is not going to walkaway just because your son is an ignorant little priss right now; he might walk away cause he thinks it would be better for you though, if you let him, so I would call him up immediately, apologize for the rudeness and unexpected behavior out of your son, and let him know you are willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work out, if that is truly how you feel.

lol, in the case of showing his bum, I would reccomend showing the kid what happens when the bum leaves the protection of the pants

UPDATE: Hey Guys thanks for all the advice and i have called this guy and he responded today and he is calling it over.It hurts but I have made my decision to be single and stop looking.I feel right now there are no guys out there that want to be with a woman like me that has kids.It's to much drama and stress for them and I'm sorry if it is but I can't change that in my life right now.so I'm single and just looking for friends and if some guy wants to take the challenge just be honest with your self and me.maybe will see I'm not sure right now.Thanks again for all the help and advice.You guys have been great and awesome.