You meet someone and they are wonderful. The time you spend with the person is amazing. But the other person is afraid that they will hurt you because they have a track record of leaving relationships because 'love hurts'. Love hurts because of a past relationship which was ended approximately 15 years ago. You don't want to change the person.

Do you stay in a relationship and enjoy your time with the attitude that nothing is guarenteed in life and that you will be okay with however long?

OR

Do cut your losses and not stay because you in the end don't want to be hurt?

Yikes

if you live and love you'll get hurt

if you never let yourself get hurt you'll never live and love

its a choice

good morning, take into account still on first cup of coffee.

"I" would not even start a relationship with someone with 15 years worth of baggage. In the 15 years since he 'found out that love hurt', he should have also learned to live with it, overcome it, ignore it, dealt with it, etc. Many, many choices.

Good point. Morning ms. fran!

Yep!

Don't ya have anything better to do besides stalking my threads!

I don't know, Tanya, I guess that would depend on your own goals in a relationship, your own dreams and desires, etc. If you're ok, long-term, with him maybe never being able to commit, then I don't see anything wrong with it. If at this place in your life, you just want someone to hang out with, have fun with and are ok with knowing it's not going anywhere, then nothing wrong with that either. But, if you are looking for a long-term, permanent partner, more children (?), etc (maybe not now but in the future), then it may not be such a good idea. Your head may say one thing but our emotions don't always do as they're told. You'd be cheating yourself by taking yourself off the market (so to speak), or by downgrading/downplaying your OWN wants and needs.

I don't think there's any right or wrong here, just a matter of potentially being in 2 different places in your lives with differing sets of priorities. And that's something only you can decide for yourself.

I think at the moment... there is no disconnect between heart and head/thoughts and emotions. It is what it is... I am happy. Do I necessarily see this going on forever and interfering with eventually meeting someone that will want kids, family etc... nah! Cause I am not even there yet. I have a long while before I am settled enough for that, especially considering that I have up to 8 more years of school before I truly enter the job market and where I would be looking to be settled. Now, if marrige, more kids and all that came before I was done with school and I had a flexible partner, fine, great! But, not rushing.

In which case, so long as you're ok with the relationship ending eventually, and you'll be ok with being able to say that it was great while it lasted, I say go for it. Happiness, in whatever form it takes and for any duration, is hard to find and you should grab it while you can. If you think that when it's over, you'll still be able to find the joy in it, then live and love and be happy.

I know I can.... because I know the situation up front.

You have to give the guy props for honesty, not many people are that self-aware or honest with themselves. I think it says a lot about him.

I out right told him...

most guys would be gone! That I don't understand why he was insistant on being friends. That I think that he is scared shitless! And he said he is just scared to hurt me.

I know it probably sounds 'bad' going into this knowing that he 'won't love' me or whatever. But of course that situation is more complicated than I put up. And not necessarily complicated in bad ways.

I told him that I don't think that he is a bad guy, because he would have left already.

I personally think that I will grow from the relationship, I have in other ways, and I hope at the very least that he will be happy (which he says that he is) and maybe he will learn and grow (and no not trying to change thing).

I honestly care and respect him and I think that no matter what happens we will just want each other to be happy.

If my sudafed-induced babble made any sense.

Anyone else want to wage in... just asking this because I am curious about what other thoughts are on the subject... has this happened to you before... if not, what would you do.

Not necessarily looking for guidence, I have made up my mind... just looking to stir commentary and discussion.

I guess the only thing is, really, is that you're ok with it. He, I think, obviously cares for you and respects you. No, it may not mean love and marriage and babies and happily ever after blah blah blah but when you think about it, very few relationships reach that point anyway. Or some guy/girl presents themselves one way and it's only when you're in too deep that you discover that they have this fear of love/committment and they dump you with nothing. So, you have honesty, you have friendship, you have someone you like being with and around, someone who cares for you and respects you. Doesn't really sound like a bad thing.

Nope!

And someone I can laugh and joke... and smile... and be with myself with... at this point... I think that I have a wonderful gift to be able to do this with someone.

That is definitely a rare thing. So, yes, enjoy and be happy. It's all we can do with the life that's given us. I always say, no regrets. Whatever happens, happens. We learn, we grow, we love. Maybe it's not perfect but nothing is.

It's as close to perfect as I would like. And knowing that it might or will not 'go anywhere' will help me to learn to focus on the moment and enjoy the time we are together. Which I already do with him... can you believe I stop over-thinking when I am around him. (That in itself is a miracle!)

Tell me your secret? How do you do that?

I don't know... it's just something about him. (now granted... not in his presence, I do overthink, but learning how to not do that... and I just think that it's mainly that we are both busy, but not at the same time.... so if I can't talk to him... I tend to over think... but when we are together... no overthinking).