It is my Birthday today! Tell me some short jokes and make me smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy birthday

thank you!

Happy Birthday Young Lady !

congrats from mexico and enjoy your b-day

thank you! no jokes?

yep me lol

Happy Birthday!

what do you call a dog with no legs?






doesn't matter he's not going to come anyway

Happy Birthday but I'm not in the mood for jokes...
my private parts died yesterday... but you're in luck...
today's the viewing!!!

A Professor was giving a lecture on
"Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year
medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most
riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He
pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what
your azz hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with
his buddies".

A man walks by and grabs his wife's a$$ and says "If this was firm you wouldn't need panties!"

She turns around and grabs his d!ck and says "if THIS was firm I wouldn't need batteries!"

>> >The FBI
had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the
room you will find your wife sitting in a chair Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never
shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man
for this job. Take your wife and go home."
>> >
The second man was given the same instructions. He took
the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man
came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my
wife." The agent "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife
home."
>> >
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
>>
Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing,
banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat
him to death with the chair."
>> >
>> >
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them


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Good one!!!!!!!