Hello everyone this is my first post ^^ and I'm curious about this. Do you believe as a society, we have to many preferences when it comes to looking for a mate or not enough??

I think each individual has their own.. for some it may be too many, for others it may not be enough but they are their own so it's not for us to say...

For some I would say too many,
for most I would say not enough.

Look around you...I say we have too many since most single people are picky

Interesting responses guys ^^b Keep it up

If you settle for someone you never really wanted in the first place, just to be with someone, it's not going to last, and it's not fair- to you or the other person. So my answer is no, you can never have too many preferences in a potential mate.

Preferences are just another reason to try to make society conform to idealistic ways. When people decide on preferences they mark others into different sterotypes. The world has always been like this, probably will always be like this. An utopian society will never be met where size, shape, color, etc doesnt matter. How do you know if someone is the right person for you if you dont take the time to know them because they dont conform to your idealistic thought of what is right for you? Next time someone is not pretty enough for you because of a various thought in your head and you dont take a chance, just remember, you might be passing up the greatest person that ever happened to you.

The older I get the longer my list of preferences grows....it becomes increasingly difficult to actually "find" this person.

Maybe I'm delusional... but I won't settle for anything but the best.

For some...they have preferences, but they wind up taking other things into consideration when they see them. They may give up or lower their need for one particular preference if the person has others that they prefer as well.

Some folks are just so stuck on their " preferences " that they completely discount just about everyone that crosses their path.

Just depends on the person.

It doesn't necessarily have to be looks, it could be a certain lifestyle you're not into, or religious beliefs, the list goes on. If you ignore potential problems with someone just to avoid being alone, it can be a bad decision.

Setting my standard high gives me the leave way to alter them... and like Calleigh said it isn't about looks, money, things that people would think.

For me it is spirituality.. a merge, a lifestyle that promotes peace, calm, tranquility...finding one who would meditate with me would be awesome.

And I have adult sons who are a huge part of my life..that has to be factored in..

Yep. Like me for example, I could never date a man who's religious, because most religious people have a need to shove their religion down my throat. So I gravitate towards atheists or agnostics or just plain non-religious. For me to decide, oh I'll just date that staunch Southern Baptist over there because he seems like a really great person, I'd just be setting myself up for huge disappointment.

I knew i was going to get that response, im not saying that you should disregard your lifestyle and religious beliefs for another, by no means. But superficial preferences, are the ones i was speaking on. A polyamorous person might not be ideal for a monogomous person, a heteroflexable person is not going to make a gay individual to turn. Religion is a different story, many religions intermix. And those couples can lead successful relationships. But thats because they were open and accepting of their mates religion and lifestyle.

yep.. I hear ya, I feel ya

Regardless of the reason, it's a choice, we all have choices... As Guy said some may be altered b/c we might find other things in that person that mean more.. But if something means a lot to a person for whatever reason there is no reason they should change just to adjust to what others think... Society norms are what is deemed the norm at that time so whether it's your norms or a extremists norms it's still basically an opinion of how another thinks another should think/act/be...

Yeah, people seem to want to ignore the fact that we have choices. No one is obligated to date anyone just because the other person wants them to. There are tons of men I can't have, but I'm cool with it. I just make myself very content with the ones I can have.

I feel like you need to have boundries and a plan in your life to have some direction and actually accomplish goals but if you get too caught up with preferences in people it can sometimes keep you from meeting someone really great.

For instance if you would have told me that the love of my adult life, so far, was going to be a going to be a red head I would have laughed in your face. Until I met him I had and instinctual dislike for red-heads (from really bad experiences as a kid) and avoided them generally because it is hard for me to not show my reactions on my face. (Probably why it would never work for me to play poker.) But when we met rather accidently I just fell for him.

And that Pacific is a perfect example of having preferences but altering them b/c of seeing past that preference.. Some we can do that with, other preferences we can't and shouldn't.. When it comes to looks I think anything goes... We may have our preferences but if we become interested in someone we find them attractive for whatever reason(s) there are for us... My ex used to ask me why I loved him, besides all the obvious things he knew.. What can you tell someone? How can you express the unexpressable? It was never good enough that I couldn't explain but to me that's part of love, it just is..

I think you can get what you want in a person though, preferences or not, if you're willing to be patient. The problem is when people leap into a relationship because they're scared to be alone, and then it blows up in their face, when all they had to do is wait, and it might have worked out with someone better suited for them.