nusalor, Crazy....

How about:



"Can I ask you a question?"



YOU ALREADY DID DOH!

The blue ball is behind the greenball. And for those of you watching in
black and white, that's just behind the yellow ball.

English snooker commentator. Ted Lowe.

Your keys will be in the last place that you look.

SHHHHHHHHH.......




Listen...........


Di you smell that?

no---

what's that smell, tho?--

if you fall and break both your legs....don't come running to me

I never F#$%d a 10
but one night I f#$%^d 5 2's

George Carlin

my sons favorite
I'll rip your head off and throw it in your face

Get on the plane
Get on the plane

F$%^ you I'm getting in the plane
G.C.

This is going to take a while to read but I am listening to this so I
figured it had quite a few stupid statements that people use so here it
is

George Carlin



I don't like words that hide the truth. I don't like words that conceal
reality. I don't like euphemisms, or euphemistic language. And American
English is loaded with euphemisms. Cause Americans have a lot of trouble
dealing with reality. Americans have trouble facing the truth, so they
invent the kind of a soft language to protect themselves from it, and it
gets worse with every generation. For some reason, it just keeps getting
worse. I'll give you an example of that. There's a condition in combat.
Most people know about it. It's when a fighting person's nervous system
has been stressed to it's absolute peak and maximum. Can't take anymore
input. The nervous system has either (click) snapped or is about to
snap. In the first world war, that condition was called shell shock.
Simple, honest, direct language. Two syllables, shell shock. Almost
sounds like the guns themselves. That was seventy years ago. Then a
whole generation went by and the second world war came along and very
same combat condition was called battle fatigue. Four syllables now.
Takes a little longer to say. Doesn't seem to hurt as much. Fatigue is a
nicer word than shock. Shell shock! Battle fatigue. Then we had the war
in Korea, 1950. Madison avenue was riding high by that time, and the
very same combat condition was called operational exhaustion. Hey, were
up to eight syllables now! And the humanity has been squeezed completely
out of the phrase. It's totally sterile now. Operational exhaustion.
Sounds like something that might happen to your car. Then of course,
came the war in Viet Nam, which has only been over for about sixteen or
seventeen years, and thanks to the lies and deceits surrounding that
war, I guess it's no surprise that the very same condition was called
post-traumatic stress disorder. Still eight syllables, but we've added a
hyphen! And the pain is completely buried under jargon. Post-traumatic
stress disorder. I'll bet you if we'd of still been calling it shell
shock, some of those Viet Nam veterans might have gotten the attention
they needed at the time. I'll betcha. I'll betcha.

But. But, it didn't happen, and one of the reasons. One of the reasons
is because we were using that soft language. That language that takes
the life out of life. And it is a function of time. It does keep getting
worse. I'll give you another example. Sometime during my life. Sometime
during my life, toilet paper became bathroom tissue. I wasn't notified
of this. No one asked me if I agreed with it. It just happened. Toilet
paper became bathroom tissue. Sneakers became running shoes. False teeth
became dental appliances. Medicine became medication. Information became
directory assistance. The dump became the landfill. Car crashes became
automobile accidents. Partly cloudy bacame partly sunny. Motels became
motor lodges. House trailers became mobile homes. Used cars became
previously owned transportation. Room service became guest-room dining.
And constipation became occasional irregularity. When I was a little
kid, if I got sick they wanted me to go to the hospital and see a
doctor. Now they want me to go to a health maintenance organization...or
a wellness center to consult a healthcare delivery professional. Poor
people used to live in slums. Now the economically disadvantaged occupy
substandard housing in the inner cities. And they're broke! They're
broke! They don't have a negative cash-flow position. They're ****ing
broke! Cause a lot of them were fired. You know, fired. management
wanted to curtail redundancies in the human resources area, so many
people are no longer viable members of the workforce.

Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal
their sins. It's as simple as that. The CIA doesn't kill anybody
anymore, they neutralize people...or they depopulate the area. The
government doesn't lie, it engages in disinformation. The pentagon
actually measures nuclear radiation in something they call sunshine
units. Israeli murderers are called commandos. Arab commandos are called
terrorists. Contra killers are called freedom fighters. Well, if crime
fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom
fighters fight? They never mention that part of it to us, do they? Never
mention that part of it.

And...and some of this stuff is just silly, we all know that, like on
the airlines, they say want to pre- board. Well, what the hell is
pre-board, what does that mean? To get on before you get on? They say
they're going to pre-board those passengers in need of special
assistance. Cripples! Simple honest direct language. There is no shame
attached to the word cripple that I can find in any dictionary. No shame
attached to it, in fact it's a word used in bible translations. Jesus
healed the cripples. Doesn't take seven words to describe that
condition. But we don't have any cripples in this country anymore. We
have The physically challenged. Is that a grotesque enough evasion for
you? How about differently abled. I've heard them called that.
Differently abled! You can't even call these people handicapped anymore.
They'll say, "Were not handicapped. Were handicapable!" These poor
people have been bull****ted by the system into believing that if you
change the name of the condition, somehow you'll change the condition.
Well, hey cousin, ppsssspptttttt. Doesn't happen. Doesn't happen.

We have no more deaf people in this country, hearing impaired. No ones
blind anymore, partially sighted or visually impaired. We have no more
stupid people. Everyone has a learning disorder...or he's minimally
exceptional. How would you like to be told that about your child? "He's
minimally exceptional." "Oohh, thank god for that." Psychologists
actually have started calling ugly people, those with severe appearance
deficits. It's getting so bad, that any day now I expect to hear a rape
victim referred to as an unwilling sperm recipient.

And we have no more old people in this country. No more old people. We
shipped them all away, and we brought in these senior citizens. Isn't
that a typically American twentieth century phrase? Bloodless, lifeless,
no pulse in one of them. A senior citizen. But I've accepted that one,
I've come to terms with it. I know it's to stay. We'll never get rid of
it. That's what they're going to be called, so I'll relax on that, but
the one I do resist. The one I keep resisting is when they look at an
old guy and they'll say, "Look at him Dan! He's ninety years young."
Imagine the fear of aging that reveals. To not even be able to use the
word "old" to describe somebody. To have to use an antonym. And fear of
aging is natural. It's universal. Isn't it? We all have that. No one
wants to get old. No one wants to die, but we do! So we bull****
ourselves. I started bull****ting myself when I got to my forties. As
soon as I got into my forties I'd look in the mirror and I'd say, "well,
I...I guess I'm getting...older." Older sounds a little better than old
doesn't it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer. Bull****,
I'm getting old! And it's okay, because thanks to our fear of death in
this country, I won't have to die...I'll pass away. Or I'll expire like
a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital, they'll call it
a terminal episode. The insurance company will refer to it as negative
patient-care outcome. And if it's the result of malpractice, they'll say
it was a therapeutic misadventure. I'm telling you, some of this
language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit. Makes me want to
engage in an involuntary personal protein spill.

hell--i feel stupid, already--

totally lost me there to shadow

I got a lot of good ideas

the problem is most of them suck

GC

Why doen't they develope a ****roach spray that doesn't kill the roaches
but fills them self dobt as to whether or not they are in the right
house

GC

<<<<very lost

hi fallen

I just couldnt resist

I am completely wirles now WOOOOHOOOO

Ahh loved the long one Chris...

hey poet

If you like this stuff go search out George Carlin

THere are 1000's of these