I thinking that coming up with a good subject for this is going to be the hardest part of writing.

Im a 40 year old guy who has had his heart broken 3 times.

I was engaged young only to have my fiance' dissapear 10 days before our wedding, never to see or hear from her again.

I was married 14 years, then divorced 4 years ago. I found out during the separation that my wife had been seeing her boss for 3 years behind my back. She married him 3 months after the divorce.

I have one son from that marriage, hes now 10, but she was able to win him away from me a year ago.

After my divorce I met a girl that I fell very deeply in love with. I met her in church and everything about he seemed perfect.

Over time that changed and she was diagnosed as having Borderline personality Disorder, Schizophrenia and Narcissistic tendencies. After 2 years I moved myself 9 hours to be away from her... but that also meant leaving my son.

I was told by police and a therapist that this was the best option. My gf had already popped 7 tires, keyed my truck, and was threatening to pay a large black man to find me and rape me.

So I moved down here to the rio Grande Valley in south Texas.

It has not been good.

Im lonely. Plain and simple, and thats not something thats easy to admit because when you do you inevitably get one of several replies:

Steve, your handsome, how can you be alone? (This does not matter in the least, being able to attract more mates still does not guarantee meeting the one that matters most, it just means you have more opportunities to fail)

Steve, you need to learn to be alone before you can be happy with anyone else. (If I wanted to be happy alone, I wouldnt be on this site and neither would you, so dont throw this one back at me)

Or, your looking in the wrong places. ( No one ever seems to have advice for me for looking in the right places. As I mentioned before, I met the craziest girl in church)

This week alone Ive had 3 dates. One stood me up and I wrote her off. She got in touch the next day and asked me out but had no explanation for what had happened on our planned meeting so I told her no and deleted her.

One called me Friday night telling me how much she missed me, but hasnt answered texts or calls since,

and the third was last night. We were out at a local bar talking and everything was going great. I was having a really good time and she seemed to be enjoying it too. A lot of hair touching and touching my arm when i noticed her smiling at the bartender. I left to go to the bathroom and came back in time to see her exchanging phone numbers.

I left her with the tab.

Im completely at a loss. Im so down its ridiculous. Im a Dad. thats what I do best. Im a very good Dad who no longer has a family.

More than anything else, thats what I want to be again. A good husband and a good Dad. Dating at this age really really sucks.

I have never written a pity me note before and dont consider this to be one. Instead I hope its therapeutic and I get some good, honest advice from people whove felt the same way and gotten through it.

thank you, anyone, whos taken time to read this,

Stephen

i wrote this.. for you

my heart is torn as where i feel weak, as where others seem to try or do walk over me, as i keep looking and move on i tend to open my soul to others and watch the sun come to my grounds of my life as it seem to be no end that whatever has been done, we tend to loose one another or a reason or to, as i know that there is someone looking over me as in my time of need my guide a angel so beautiful as can be, as i look in the sky and watch the meaning of heaven, i gaze around and i know there is still love inside of me. as i try and cover my pain once again, the angels have lifted the pain for me to see that im not alone, dont cover your eyes and look around your heart is in the place as before, your spirits are strong , walk the path and you will find your journey
that was ment to be.

That is so beautiful.i hope u don't mind if I'll borrow it.

It's sad that because of one crazy woman you had to move 9 hours away from your son. Sounds like the law failed you but had it been the other way around (you slashing her tires, etc.) then it probably would have been a totally different scenario. Dating in your 40's, and I'm sure even older, is difficult enough. I compare dating now to that of a job interview. Both can be nerve wracking and the ending outcome usually is not how you hope it to be. Good luck.

no problem

Single at 40 is just like being single at 26. I may not have ever been married, but I know the feeling of wanting to be apart of a family. I too have a son, he is 5 and with me always. I too have had my heart broken, plenty of times. Although, I fell in love once, he left me and 3 months later he was married to younger girl. That hurts. Since him, i've found myself unable to fully give myself to someone.

As far as the woman at the church goes, you can never tell how someone is going to be till you get to know them - You shouldn't have had to move anywhere away from your son because of her.

And like another woman said, dating is like a job interview - It really is and no matter the age, as a single parent with hopes, dreams and goals for the future - it's hard to find that right person.

I can tell by the way you typed that, that you are strong, have lots of will and I am sure that happiness will find you.

You should give yourself all the opportunity in the world to do things you enjoy doing. I read on your profile you have gotten into Photography - Great! Go out and do it. Make yourself happy.

I'm sorry that has happened to you keep your head up :) smile be yourself if youre a great dad keep doing that dont listen to anyone who tells you youre doing something wrong you are your own judge :) lifes always changing you're only in certain situations for so long before you're out. Smile until then something good always comes along just have to wait for it :)

Wish I could say there is any one answer for you. But then I would be lying even at 50 the dating scene does not get any easier... But then honestly I have found that just taking the time to find myself and enjoy the friends that I have made here has been more worthwhile then looking for anyone to date.

What is wild it seems lately I have been contacted by more then I would have even thought of. Heck 2 months ago could not get a date then all of a sudden there are several....

I feel for you as far as the situation with your son and yes I feel as if the system has failed you in that aspect..... Hopefully things will calm down and you can move back she will find another to dig her claws in and will leave you be.....

As far as where to meet people there are good & bad in every place you look. I don't care if it is in church, at school, in a club or at the local grocery store there is no guarantee they are not wacko's.

Really the best thing would be to focus on your life and your son's for a while get back to where you can be in his life the rest will all fall into place as you go along........I wish you the best of luck but sometimes getting back to basics is where one should begin.........

Brother, I tell you. I know the pain of feeling nothing but emptiness. I've been on one date since 1996, and I don't see any signs of that improving. Now I'll admit, the first few years there, I didn't ask a lot of people out. My fiance had just died and I just couldn't. But when I did finally get that all behind me I found I just wasn't what anyone was looking for.

I've been walking into an empty house every night for over fifteen years. I couldn't tell you what if feels like to have someone even do something as simple as touch my face or hold my hand. I've completely forgotten the sensation. I've officially been stood up by five times as many women as I've actually gone out with in my life.

All that being said, I asked out someone else just two days ago. Thousands of woman have turned me down and I still can't help but ask. It's like I'm a glutton for punishment or something. The thing is, I know if anyone ever gave me the time to just have lunch, I'd be snatched up in a second. I never have understood why I can't get even an hour of someone's time, but I refuse to give up. I just hope the woman that does finally grab me, is worth the wait. I've already decided, I'm marrying the next woman that goes out with me more than twice.

im sorry for your lose, im sure thats hard for anyone. but your stating that you would marry the next woman if you date her more than twice, so meaning you would marry her in regarless you dont love her. do you think thats wise??

I'm going to relate a story.

I once asked a college professor of mine about his wife. Mainly because unlike any of the other profs at our small college, I hadn't met his, and he didn't keep any photos or anything of her around. So I asked, and he related to me the entire story of his marriage.

You see, the old Doc decided about the time he was 38 to stop "playing around" and settle down. He tried going to clubs, dating services, getting set up from friends, and never found someone he really felt he loved. After quite some time of frusrtration in this area, he decided to just marry the next woman that he could get along with enough to go on three dates. Thus he did and at age 45 he married his wife. They had been married for 18 years when I asked the question.

You see, I know myself pretty well. It's easy for me to like someone, and I see know reason why I can't at least develop some feeling for a person over time. I will only marry once in my life, and will be married until one of us is planted in the ground.

welcome to my world...i just hold out with hope, all you can do

Tuck I think you're a doll.. You'll find someone to treat you right, the perfect recipe takes time...

Hi bear!!

Lets go to dinner ;)

(((Tuck)))

Name the day...

Yours wasn't the truth he was referring to.

he was referring to the fact that he could have been doing what most other men would do. Hide their feelings, and ignore their problems..

..or he could just tell the truth about how he feels.

try to keep up, dude.

(((D))) how are you sweetie...

Slowly recovering, baby, but promising myself I'm gonna be better than ever!

'course I have been known to lie!

Thank you Cher.. Scoundrel doesn't mean any harm, he just has a way of looking at things that doesn't always jive with some...


D you better not lie to me...

Excellent retort!

I'm wishing you luck...all I have to offer....just have to take your chances...and hope for the best! Doesn't help, I know, but with your attitude.....you can do it!!!