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| Topic: Communication | |
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These threads keep coming up and everyone seems to have their own way of doing this. I came on here to meet gentlemen to date... that isn't happening. So I am making friends. I do respond to email..after a couple of them something is said that determines my decision on whether I want to continue the communication, some I do, some I don't. The making of new friends makes up for the lack of dates. I'm not rude to anyone, if they get their feelings hurt that is their choice...
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 They don't mean that; "anyone and everyone" is still people they consider "worthy." I think a lot of people write that crap because it looks good, and then they figure it'll get a lot of mail, which they can weed through. Interesting strategy I guess....
Yeah, that's the way I figured it, too. It LOOKS good in the profile, but they have no intention of living up to it! But it's like the "Looks don't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts" people -- cliches in the interests of PC, the attempt not to be perceived as shallow and superficial -- but for WHAT? You know what? If you're shallow and superficial, best thing to do is OWN UP and stop wasting people's time....! Because it's no CRIME to be shallow and superficial -- and why care about what other people think anyway? They don't want to be mean, they love everyone. Hah, I couldn't even write it with a straight face.
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I reply if I am interested, end of the story.
I dont care that people take their sweet time, thats not my problem I am a woman, I need to protect myself. I dont need to be creeped out. I dont feel obligated to do anything for anyone. |
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I reply if I am interested, end of the story. I dont care that people take their sweet time, thats not my problem I am a woman, I need to protect myself. I dont need to be creeped out. I dont feel obligated to do anything for anyone. Exactly!!!! 
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I CAME HERE LOOKING FOR FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN NICE TO EVERYONE. BUT WHEN YOU SAY HI ITS NICE THAT YOU GET A REPLY BACK. NO REASON TO BE RUDE OR JUDGEMENTAL. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR SOME REASON AND IF YOU CAN'T TAKE TIME TO SAY HELLO I JUST THINK ITS RUDE. IT DON'T MEAN YOUR ASKING THEM FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN FRIENDSHIP. JUST BE YOURSELF AND EXCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CHANGE FOR ANYONE. EITHER THEY LIKE YOU OR THEY DON'T. Well, its unfortunate, but some people abuse that, and it makes it harder for everyone. |
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I take advantage of Mutual Match, at least with that you know there's at least an initial mutual interest. I send nudges to some and others a quick reference to their profile if something about it catches my eye. My experience so far is one of two things....One, they are a scammer, two, all they want is sex and weren't man enough to indicate that on their profiles in which case they would have never made it to my Mutual Matches at all. The number of e-mails from these two types out number the sincere ones ten-fold. It's discouraging.
So, I think not only is it a lack of communcation, but a lack of HONEST communication. |
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I take advantage of Mutual Match, at least with that you know there's at least an initial mutual interest. I send nudges to some and others a quick reference to their profile if something about it catches my eye. My experience so far is one of two things....One, they are a scammer, two, all they want is sex and weren't man enough to indicate that on their profiles in which case they would have never made it to my Mutual Matches at all. The number of e-mails from these two types out number the sincere ones ten-fold. It's discouraging.
So, I think not only is it a lack of communcation, but a lack of HONEST communication. 
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I take advantage of Mutual Match, at least with that you know there's at least an initial mutual interest. I send nudges to some and others a quick reference to their profile if something about it catches my eye. My experience so far is one of two things....One, they are a scammer, two, all they want is sex and weren't man enough to indicate that on their profiles in which case they would have never made it to my Mutual Matches at all. The number of e-mails from these two types out number the sincere ones ten-fold. It's discouraging.
So, I think not only is it a lack of communcation, but a lack of HONEST communication. That's a very good point -- because so many times, what they SAY they want is not what they really want at all....which makes things confusing....! |
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I take advantage of Mutual Match, at least with that you know there's at least an initial mutual interest. I send nudges to some and others a quick reference to their profile if something about it catches my eye. My experience so far is one of two things....One, they are a scammer, two, all they want is sex and weren't man enough to indicate that on their profiles in which case they would have never made it to my Mutual Matches at all. The number of e-mails from these two types out number the sincere ones ten-fold. It's discouraging.
So, I think not only is it a lack of communcation, but a lack of HONEST communication. That's a very good point -- because so many times, what they SAY they want is not what they really want at all....which makes things confusing....! I think honesty scares people. So many people have been taught to lie or gloss over the truth (same thing, but they think it's not) because "it's the right thing to do" or "it's polite" or "it's the Christian thing to do" so it becomes a way of life. It's become "the in thing" to appear to be tolerant, non-superficial and "nice." Even the biggest jerk in the world describes himself as a nice guy who will talk to anyone and has a big loving heart. But then you call him on it and it's like OH NO! He has to make good on that, and he's stuck looking foolish. I think it's hilarious. I think I should make it my personal goal to start emailing those "wonderful people" and say "hello there, here I am, talk to ME!!" Just to see what they say!
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I think honesty scares people. So many people have been taught to lie or gloss over the truth (same thing, but they think it's not) because "it's the right thing to do" or "it's polite" or "it's the Christian thing to do" so it becomes a way of life. It's become "the in thing" to appear to be tolerant, non-superficial and "nice." Even the biggest jerk in the world describes himself as a nice guy who will talk to anyone and has a big loving heart. But then you call him on it and it's like OH NO! He has to make good on that, and he's stuck looking foolish. Exactly. But why is it so hard for them to see that this behavior helps no one and makes no sense? An internet persona is one thing, but....when it comes time to meet someone in person, and get to know them, the reality is eventually going to seep out. It may take awhile, but still.... Of the people I met in real life from dating sites, it was clearly evident, almost immediately, in 8 out of the 9 cases, that they were NOT who they had pretended to be on line....and when I say almost immediately, I'm talking within the first 3 minutes or so. I think it's hilarious. I think I should make it my personal goal to start emailing those "wonderful people" and say "hello there, here I am, talk to ME!!" Just to see what they say!
But what can they say that would have any validity or substance....? There's just something here that seems sort of sad and pointless.... |
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I have found some days I have the will to "do the dance" and sometimes I just don't. It isn't always about the person sending the note so I would suggest don't always take it personal. You might be the right person just at the wrong time.
Sometimes it is just knowing they have different plans you can not be part of. Maybe you are not athletic enough, have a dependent child or parent, they might need your financial help and you really don't have that kind of resource, or you own a home and can't just pick up and leave. Sometimes people do say things they don't really know are shooting themselves down. Making a list of things you can't stand. A slam about fake this or that. A shot about a certain kind of personality. A joke about some group. People have a lot of experiences, family, even friends that might not be reflected in the their profile but will take it really personal. I think you have to be yourself but it is probably going to be better to try to be nice and give people a little grace, maybe be a little discreet. Nobody wants to feel like they are dateing a looser, and elitiest, or someone they don't have a chance with just because they are not a perfect match. |
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I have always answered all the emails as long as I could understand it. I have received some mail that sounds like they may be on halucigenic drugs or something, they don't get a response but other than that even the negative mails get a response.
I believe the problem for some of the recipients of my mail is that my response is not what they expect or want. If you say lets be friends and see where it goes, you get a negative response and they usually disappear shortly after. I have even had a response that said he had not had sex for a couple of years and needed no more friends, so I guess that says it all. Patience is a virtue or so I am told, I suggest he gets some. |
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Lex, that says it all. Your experiences here roughly parallel my own. I believe the problem for many of those unfortunates who start the lack of response threads is the absence of strong communication skills. If they were truly communicative, like you or I, they'd welcome the opportunity to use the forums as a tool for making friends. I have not been here very long with very few posts compared to many. I have made some contacts with people that simply noticed that I had an interest that they shared and the emails were about the same interest. I have gained some valuable information and hopefully the start of new friendships. I would never reply to an inappropriate email ever. Note: The emails did not have anything to do with my profile but about responses I made in the posts. |
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I think honesty scares people. So many people have been taught to lie or gloss over the truth (same thing, but they think it's not) because "it's the right thing to do" or "it's polite" or "it's the Christian thing to do" so it becomes a way of life. It's become "the in thing" to appear to be tolerant, non-superficial and "nice." Even the biggest jerk in the world describes himself as a nice guy who will talk to anyone and has a big loving heart. But then you call him on it and it's like OH NO! He has to make good on that, and he's stuck looking foolish. Exactly. But why is it so hard for them to see that this behavior helps no one and makes no sense? An internet persona is one thing, but....when it comes time to meet someone in person, and get to know them, the reality is eventually going to seep out. It may take awhile, but still.... Of the people I met in real life from dating sites, it was clearly evident, almost immediately, in 8 out of the 9 cases, that they were NOT who they had pretended to be on line....and when I say almost immediately, I'm talking within the first 3 minutes or so. I think it's hilarious. I think I should make it my personal goal to start emailing those "wonderful people" and say "hello there, here I am, talk to ME!!" Just to see what they say!
But what can they say that would have any validity or substance....? There's just something here that seems sort of sad and pointless.... Oh I'm sure they wouldn't say anything of substance. They probably wouldn't even reply. I'm just saying it would bite them in the a$$,
As for meeting them in person, I went out with a guy I met online once, he was cute in his pics. Turned out he had photoshopped them. To make matters worse, he told me over dinner that he had a date walk out on him in the past because he looked nothing like his pics. She excused herself to use the ladies' room, snuck out the back door, and left him stranded in the restaurant. Now, after you finish feeling sorry for him, don't you wonder why he kept using the same photoshopped pics??? 
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Many people view an email as a form of interest, whether you mean it that way or not. Some people can exchange casual emails and it goes smoothly, no misunderstandings, no hurt feelings, just casual chit chat about nothing special, but some people can't. Some of them actually believe if you answer their emails, you WANT them, no matter what your profile says. For those of you who will say "it's common courtesy" to answer, that might be true, but I'd rather temporarily hurt someone's feelings (it's the internet, you'll get over it) than have to block someone because he became a stalker/got rude/or just made me freaking uncomfortable. It's a rare person who can send an email, get a polite response back and let it go. I don't find that often, unfortunately. Yep. 
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Many people view an email as a form of interest, whether you mean it that way or not. Some people can exchange casual emails and it goes smoothly, no misunderstandings, no hurt feelings, just casual chit chat about nothing special, but some people can't. Some of them actually believe if you answer their emails, you WANT them, no matter what your profile says. For those of you who will say "it's common courtesy" to answer, that might be true, but I'd rather temporarily hurt someone's feelings (it's the internet, you'll get over it) than have to block someone because he became a stalker/got rude/or just made me freaking uncomfortable. It's a rare person who can send an email, get a polite response back and let it go. I don't find that often, unfortunately. Yep.
great minds....
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Many people view an email as a form of interest, whether you mean it that way or not. Some people can exchange casual emails and it goes smoothly, no misunderstandings, no hurt feelings, just casual chit chat about nothing special, but some people can't. Some of them actually believe if you answer their emails, you WANT them, no matter what your profile says. For those of you who will say "it's common courtesy" to answer, that might be true, but I'd rather temporarily hurt someone's feelings (it's the internet, you'll get over it) than have to block someone because he became a stalker/got rude/or just made me freaking uncomfortable. It's a rare person who can send an email, get a polite response back and let it go. I don't find that often, unfortunately. Yep.
great minds....
Or cynical minds.
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Many people view an email as a form of interest, whether you mean it that way or not. Some people can exchange casual emails and it goes smoothly, no misunderstandings, no hurt feelings, just casual chit chat about nothing special, but some people can't. Some of them actually believe if you answer their emails, you WANT them, no matter what your profile says. For those of you who will say "it's common courtesy" to answer, that might be true, but I'd rather temporarily hurt someone's feelings (it's the internet, you'll get over it) than have to block someone because he became a stalker/got rude/or just made me freaking uncomfortable. It's a rare person who can send an email, get a polite response back and let it go. I don't find that often, unfortunately. Yep.
great minds....
Or cynical minds.
You're the only person I know who takes that as a compliment.
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Many people view an email as a form of interest, whether you mean it that way or not. Some people can exchange casual emails and it goes smoothly, no misunderstandings, no hurt feelings, just casual chit chat about nothing special, but some people can't. Some of them actually believe if you answer their emails, you WANT them, no matter what your profile says. For those of you who will say "it's common courtesy" to answer, that might be true, but I'd rather temporarily hurt someone's feelings (it's the internet, you'll get over it) than have to block someone because he became a stalker/got rude/or just made me freaking uncomfortable. It's a rare person who can send an email, get a polite response back and let it go. I don't find that often, unfortunately. Yep.
great minds....
Or cynical minds.
You're the only person I know who takes that as a compliment.
I'm that damn good.
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Many people view an email as a form of interest, whether you mean it that way or not. Some people can exchange casual emails and it goes smoothly, no misunderstandings, no hurt feelings, just casual chit chat about nothing special, but some people can't. Some of them actually believe if you answer their emails, you WANT them, no matter what your profile says. For those of you who will say "it's common courtesy" to answer, that might be true, but I'd rather temporarily hurt someone's feelings (it's the internet, you'll get over it) than have to block someone because he became a stalker/got rude/or just made me freaking uncomfortable. It's a rare person who can send an email, get a polite response back and let it go. I don't find that often, unfortunately. Yep.
great minds....
Or cynical minds.
You're the only person I know who takes that as a compliment.
I'm that damn good.
I know  
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