The black widow syndrome.......

Gyps you goof.

Tammy, another reason why widows/ers are appealing to many is that our relationships were successful. Our marriages did not fail. That's another one I've heard numerous times.

There is no "ghost" to compete with. Just because someone was once married to someone who happened to die does not make them tainted material. All that's happened is they've gone through an extremely unfortunate experience. There is nothing that says they have to come to a dead stop (no pun intended) as far as ever dating or being dated again. Yes, the memory of that person will always be there in the back of their mind, some more prevalent than others, and NO ONE has the right to attempt to take that memory away from them or try to replace it. To do so would be narcissistic. Personally, I would never attempt to "fill the shoes" of a deceased spouse, but I can certainly help the widow carry on to learn to enjoy life and be happy again. It's the position of the widow/widower to decide if they wish to pursue further interests with someone new, or if they choose not to, and that decision should be respected, whichever they choose.

I hope you find someone

this is good--i like it

Thanks found someone who understands Thanks

I knew a woman that had difficulty dating after being widowed. But in her case she made it such a centerpiece of who she was. She could hardly have a conversation without talking about her husband and all the good times they had together. I think the men that she went out with felt like she wasn't ready for a new man in her life.

I just read your profile and you can take this for what it's worth.... which is really just about nothing.

Your profile has two sentences in it and the first one focuses on you being widowed and wanting to live life again and the second one simply says you don't want a smoker. I just don't think this says very much about who you are, what you want, and what you like to do. I'm not saying you shouldn't say you're widowed. I'm just saying that, personally, I like to know more about someone. I know that many people say that the profile doesn't really matter to them. But I think many people do read them and look for some connection or common interest or something that just strikes them. Maybe a little more information would bring better results.

No wonder I like you. Very wisely said.

And whilst being widowed might be a major part of who you are, it is also something which you believe is holding you back from dating, so is it necessary(or wise?) to make the statement so upfront?

There is nothing to stop you telling any person that you feel needs to know about it, i am not saying hide the fact. Just it might be sensible to change the way you inform people about it.

Interesting. Why though? I mean people put divorced, never married, separated, no answer....

I dont really know. But the OP thinks being widowed is what is making it diificult for her, so im just thinking of a way to minimise any negative impact of it, if there really is any.

I see. I thought you just meant under the marital status on profiles. You mean in early on conversations?

Im more talking about the content of the essay on the profile. Its the first thing she mentions in hers. If i was to be getting close to a widow, i would probably rather it be something she has come to terms with to at least SOME degree, rather than being something that affects her every thought and daily movement. If it is so important that one feels has to be acknowledged immediately, then possibly, the person is not really ready to begin a new relationship.

Hmmm. Well, before I took all the "Fluff" off of mine I had it as the very first sentence, and the posts in this thread are pretty much why. Some people have a problem with it, so I felt I needed to get it out there so they could move along if they did. But that's just how I saw it. I'd a whole lot rather read widowed under the marital status, than no answer and find out they are still married.

I think the healing process is alot longer than a divorce. I have a very good friend who was widowed. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for talking about a lost loved one. Just my 2 cents.....

The healing process is a LOT longer than a divorce. You are right.

Im not saying it is wrong to put it right there at the start, im just saying if you think that is the reason that men wont give you a second chance, you might want to re-think the strategy. If someone feels they need to mention it in that way, it is not for me to say they shouldnt.

True that. I've only ever had one person say no one would want to date me because of it. Thing is, that type of stuff generally comes out in a first conversation any way. Maybe they're afraid we off'd them.