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| Topic: For my Catholic friends and the rest of you too | |
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For my Catholic friends and the rest of you too.
>> A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his >> priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' >> >> The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' >> >> The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed >> together, but then I stopped.' >> >> The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as >> sex. You're not to see that woman again. >> >> For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in >> the poor box .' >> >> The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and >> then walked over to the poor box. >> >> He paused for a moment and then started to leave. >> >> The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him >> saying, 'I saw that You didn't put any money in the >> poor box!' >> >> The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on >> the box, and according to you, that's the same as >> putting it in!' -------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> There once was a religious young woman who went to >> Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, >> >> 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' >> >> The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' >> >> The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad >> passionate love to me seven times.' >> >> The priest thought long and hard and then said, >> 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the >> juice.' >> >> The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my >> sins?' >> >> The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off >> of your face.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a >> pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went >> to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. >> Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?' >> >> Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot >> have services for an animal in the church. But there are >> some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' >> what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the >> creature.' >> >> Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do >> ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the >> service?' >> >> Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! >> Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following >> conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a >> wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, >> and great grandchildren. >> >> Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We >> went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' >> >> Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' >> >> Man: 'What sins? ' >> >> Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' >> >> Man: 'I'm Jewish.' >> >> Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' >> >> Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody. |
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 awesome. lol Grew up Catholic myself.
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'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
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Edited by
GuardianAngelMan
on
Fri 08/14/09 09:15 PM
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what do you call a roman cathloic? A sleep walking nun...lol
what do diet rite cola and nuns have in common? Never had it never will
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For my Catholic friends and the rest of you too. >> A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his >> priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' >> >> The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' >> >> The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed >> together, but then I stopped.' >> >> The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as >> sex. You're not to see that woman again. >> >> For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in >> the poor box .' >> >> The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and >> then walked over to the poor box. >> >> He paused for a moment and then started to leave. >> >> The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him >> saying, 'I saw that You didn't put any money in the >> poor box!' >> >> The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on >> the box, and according to you, that's the same as >> putting it in!' -------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> There once was a religious young woman who went to >> Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, >> >> 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' >> >> The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' >> >> The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad >> passionate love to me seven times.' >> >> The priest thought long and hard and then said, >> 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the >> juice.' >> >> The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my >> sins?' >> >> The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off >> of your face.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a >> pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went >> to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. >> Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?' >> >> Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot >> have services for an animal in the church. But there are >> some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' >> what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the >> creature.' >> >> Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do >> ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the >> service?' >> >> Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! >> Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following >> conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a >> wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, >> and great grandchildren. >> >> Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We >> went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' >> >> Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' >> >> Man: 'What sins? ' >> >> Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' >> >> Man: 'I'm Jewish.' >> >> Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' >> >> Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody. 
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Very well done! I like em! lol
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