MOTHERS DAY – Nine months after Fathers Day.

ADULTERY – The wrong people doing the
right thing.

BRASSIERE - Device for making mountains
out of molehills.

KISS - Application to headquarters
For a position at base.

KISSING - Sabotage before invasion.

MISTRESS - Something that comes before
Master and Mattress.

RAPE - Seduction without
salesmanship.

TWINS - Womb mates who later
become bosom pals.

VIRGIN - A wise crack.

PYJAMAS - Articles placed in bed in
case of fire.


BOARD OF TRADE – A bench in Central park.

GRUB SCREW - Sexual intercourse in the
Lunch hour.

SAND BAG - Desert prostitute.

LOVE - A fellow feeling.

PUFF ADDER - Man who farts in the
bath, and likes to count
the bubbles.

ALIMONY - A screw you get for the
screw you got.

TAXIDERMIST- A man who mounts animals

PAPOOSE - A consolation prize for
taking a chance.

VIRGIN SHEEP - One who can run faster
than the shepherd.

BALL RACE - Tom cat with 20 yards
start on the vet.

BLUNDERBUS - A coach load of pregnant
prostitutes.

APPREHENSION - The first time you realise
you can’t do it the second
time.

FEAR - The second time you
realise you can’t do it
the first time.

HOMOSEXUALITY - The means to widen your
circle of friends


PANIC - Two sailors in the shower
with the soap on the floor.

ADOLESCENCE - Period between infancy
and adultery.

INSOMNIA - When the bridegroom
can’t get off to sleep.

LADY - Someone who swears
when it slips out.

LESBIAN - Pansy without stalk.

PRIVATE SECRETARY - A good one who never
misses a period.

WELSH RAREBIT - A CARDIFF VIRGIN:

HOMOSEXUAL IN
CHEMISTS - Puff in Boots.

CONTENTED VIRGIN - A girl with a crumb in
her knickers.

NAVAL CUTTER - Elastic in her knickers.

OUTDOOR GIRL - The girl who has the
the bloom of youth in
her cheeks, and the
cheeks of youth in her
bloomers.

PSYCHIATRIST - One who tries to decide
whether infants have as
much fun in infancy as
adults have in adultery.

TRIPLETS - Taking seriously what
has been poked at you
in fun.

VIRGINITY - A bubble in the stream
of life that bursts with
the first prick.

WIFE - A gadget you screw on
the bed and does the
housework.

THE THRIFTY TOM
CAT - A cat that puts a little
in the kitty every night.


A MIDWIFE - A crack mechanic.

A stroller - Last years fun on wheels.

LIMPING NUN - Hop-a-long chastity.

AN ANGEL - A woman who sits on a
fleecy cloud all day
wishing she could change
her harp for an upright
organ.

A RANDY ESKIMO - A frigid midget with a
rigid digit.

A NUNS FART - Holy smoke.

A BIRTH PILL - A bedtime sweet with
the less fattening
centre…
______________________________________

I'm geussing these aren't in the OED...

lmao

Too funny!!! :)

I prefere this if ya don't mind.


KISS - Something that says I think your special.
KISSING - What happens if she thinks i'm special also.
LOVE - What happens when its right.
WIFE - What happens when love above is present.
LADY - What it requires to get me to start at KISS.
PAPOOSE - What can happen when WIFE is present.
AN ANGEL - The other name for PAPOOSE.

JMHO