But it has to qualify as stalking.... verbal and mental abuse doesn't always qualify, unless he is do stuff such as following her to work or other places... sending threats through phone or documented means.

If you want to know how to deal with this in your area, contact the national hotline and they will put you in tough with someone local to provide you with information.

This is a misconception. Stalking encompasses any kind of perceived threat. Phone calls, showing up unannounced, mailings, etc... It has been very helpful in domestic violence cases here.

True! Stalking laws are enforced differently in every state. Not all states are using the stalking laws as where you are.

NOO, what he is gonna do is get her killed cause when the husband finds out another man reported it, he is going to think she is seeing someone else and go off of the deep end.
It will not do One stinking bit of good, if that women wont make a stand. If she wont step up, Police wont touch him till he kills her.
Or until, someone kills him.

When this guy goes a far as telling people he will kill her if she leaves him for anyone else, it looks to me like the guy is maybe making the threat to the ones he is telling it too, just so no one will go near her... JMO

I have been through this before with another friend of mine but I helped her out after I saw how badly beaten she was. She had no place to fall back to so I let her and her kids stay here until she could get on her feet. Even then, the whole situation with the law enforcement here was a joke. They just took it with a grain of salt and none the pics of her bruises were even allowed in court. I just don't want to see this happen to her. She's a good friend and a good person as well.

i am scared now and i'm not jokin

This is exactly how I feel too. Everytime he talks this crap it seems like it is directed towards me. This guy is a loose cannon. She called me about 2 months ago after someone called their house and went off on her husband. He was outside with his pistol and a combat knife hidding in his bushes waiting for someone to show up at his house. 3 of his family members showed up as well and everyone had guns. This is how this guy handles a prank call.

There is such a thing as anonymous. I had my ex arrested all by phone and I was 60 miles away and he never knew it was me. Still to this day he doesn't know.

This is why it is so important for her to want to get out and then make plans to go to somewhere safe and stay away from him.
She has to do all the work, noone can do it for her. Utilizing the law to her advantage is alway a plus but she will have to want it and work to acheive it.

Most sensible advice so far

If he is not hitting her or harming her physically, then it is ENTIRELY UP TO HER, there is nothing you or the police can do.

See that's the thing, I am not sure she is getting hit and that's why I've stayed out of it so far. But knowing him if she isn't I'd say he's come really close to it.

I agree with them above, if he is telling you this, I think he is "warning" you that he suspects you may be interested in her and he sees you as a threat. The guy is obviously unbalanced and a threat, but he is making sure you know to stay away. She needs to make the move. If she calls you for help and you can help her get out to a shelter, you are still endangering yourself, you need to have the police go with you from the sounds of it. That is how these guys work, they totally isolate the women from everyone, friends, family, make sure they have no money, transportation, even telephones half the time. I spent 10 years in an abusive relationship, finally got the nerve to get out. I don't know about your reporting it, how that would help, but it could backfire as they stated if the police should show up to talk to him, he would absolutely take it out on her once the police left. She has to make the move herself. It is a hard situation, hard to watch but much harder to be in. Hopefully she will get out. Maybe your friend who is the neighbor could call the police when he sees him outside screaming and yelling, call it in as a noise disturbance or if he has weapons, as some kind of a dangerous situation. That would leave her out of it and the police would have him on record as being dangerous then. I hope she comes to her senses and gets out before it is too late. You are a good friend to care, but it is a really hard situation to be in too, when your hands are tied.

ill just say this...im wondering why people tolorate others to talk this way. perhaps they are scared of them theirselves. for me i do not tolorate anbody saying they are going to kill someone , smack someone without giving them a peice of my mind. myself i would of told the guy the he isnt right in his mind, that all that will get him is a life in prison, that i didnt think he is cool for talking that way. that his comments are unacceptable. why is there abuse? ill tell you why... because by not saying anything to him means that you accept it.. that his thinking is normal..furthermore if he argued me on the issue or did it again i would not show him i accept his behaviors by hanging out with him again...

i agree with dragoness on what she had to say, except for the fact of willing to leave him and having the courage to do so are two diferent things.

is the guy abusive? hell yes he is! you dont think he has told her he would kill her if he told you that? remember here she is the prisioner after yrs of abuse one has such a low self esteem about theirself that they feel they cant go on by theirself. hopefully her breaking point wont be too late..
there is only one way to help her... that is to give her support and like dragoness i beleive said... don tell her to leave him.. that is medeling in the relationship. however you can let her know hen she speaks of things to you and you dont like what you hear to reply back with ... so what are you gonna do? or use in third person talk when it comes to the incodents of no one deserves that..but not pointing fingers at the abuser..

does she have kids? if so kids have no way to offend theirselves and i certainly would make a report to the child services, those children dont need to be around all the violent talk.. or whatever else maybe happening.

myself being in that position before myself was so scared i never thought of it..for when i was 7 monts pregnant with my second child and holding my 1 1/2 yr old on my arms i got punched it the stomach. not thinking clearly being abused for so long, i took it as abuse to me, however it was abuse to my unborn child. and violence in front of my 1 yr old.. and its a sad sad thing that no one reported that to child services for i may have seen it as abuse to my kids and not me and left him then.. but no i didnt realize it till yrs later. i had the hurt me syndrome but dont mess with my kids. so of course it continued on to my kids, peed panties on my daughter head and in the corner for about 45 min wearing them.. and to boot no bath afterwards im sorry but that is abuse, moved to bruises on them and excuses that dumb me believed they fell down, till my neighbor told me what her daughter seen through the windows him lifting her high up in the air shaking my daughter and dropping her onto the coffee table.. i confronted him about the bruises<not saying what i knew>, and the bruises only matched up with what the girl had said. that was it.. i left or had a restraining order and divorce papers served to him.

restraining orders.. do they work ? i think rarely but sometimes its worth a try... but calling the cops every incodent after one is served rather it be 10 times like i had to do finally he realized i was strong enough that i wasnt going back to him...he never went to jail for violating it.. for they wanted to prosicute him on other counts that were far more serious than a restraining order.. and guess what? they lost the files... humm got away with crashing cars into my house, trying to hit me<chop my legs off> whilst i was strapping one of my kids in the car seat at a grocery store, ramming his car into mine where i was standing with the door open, luckly i got outta the way on time! that was the last incodent over 20 yr ago. but ill tell you why i think it was the last.... a customer of the store chased him as he sped away.. he pulled over his car and ran.. the customer came back and told me what happened and the cops too that we were talking to... see he didnt put up with the abusers bs.... that made the difference.

ps i had a call from the gal who dated him afterwards, whom he made 2 more kids with,, he never paid anything for the children.. no child support, she said her son peed his pants and he ran scalding water in the sink. and sat his butt in it... burnt him... carried knives and stabbed her in front of the kids etc.... im lucky i got out... perhaps stories like this will help the gal on making her decision much faster... maybe u should share..

call him with a prank call again

and then when he goes outside with his guns, call the police and report an an Arab terrorist in the neighborhood

What he told you is a direct threat and do report him to the Police There are groups and [places she can go that a Social Worker with the Police or in county where she lives. She should he careful about what she says to her friends they may be telling him as well. The best thing to do is leave. I was in a abusive marriage and I walked away from a house and every thing I had there I was even homeless after I left. But NO matter what I went through my life is much better without a controlling person and the verbal abuse that goes with it is not worth the price. If they have tried counseling and he still wont change tel her to get professional help and leave him ASAP

Honestly, the hardest part of any abusive relationship is leaving, and most likely she'll be looking behind her back for the rest of her life once she does get out, because she is afraid of him coming after her, now until he's behind bars, just help her in any way possible, be there for her whenever she needs you. Good Luck&Have Faith.

No doubt she's staying with him cos she loves him. I know that feeling all too well. I bet she wants to talk about it, but she knows that doing that, may get him arrested. So she is protecting him. She doesn't want to let him go. I think this will get much more risky if you just let them be. If they both want children one day, then do that, but not with each other. She needs to see that she's able to love someone else. Hence her not leaving him. He has her under the thumb. The longer you leave her with him, the more he can abuse her whenever he likes.