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| Topic: What NOT to do at Hogwarts: | |
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1. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 2. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology." 3. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger. 4. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write "I told you I was hardcore." 5. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful." 6. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not. 7. I am not allowed to cackle whenever practicing magic. Real wizards don’t get it. 8. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept. 9. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant. 10. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms." 11. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. 12. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight. 13. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 14. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is just plain gross. 15. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong. 16. Asking, "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time. 17. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously. 18. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick. 19. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What’s new, pussycat?" 20. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. 
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Very Funny
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1. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 2. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology." 3. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger. 4. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write "I told you I was hardcore." 5. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful." 6. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not. 7. I am not allowed to cackle whenever practicing magic. Real wizards don’t get it. 8. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept. 9. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant. 10. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms." 11. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. 12. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight. 13. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 14. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is just plain gross. 15. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong. 16. Asking, "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time. 17. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously. 18. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick. 19. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What’s new, pussycat?" 20. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
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